Just A Little Off Kilter....

There’s a day in the life of an IVF couple when all is right with the world, when all those drugs finally pay off for a major high, when all possibilities are rosy and hopeful. It’s called Trigger Time. No matter what comes later, Trigger Time is a day of hope. Today is our trigger! At exactely 11 pm  Adam will give me my HCG injection and exactly 36 hours later...egg retreival.  My eggs could be just a few days away from meeting Adam's little guys and I sure hope that they like one another...this will after all...be their very first meeting. Today we have hope, and it feels so good. Here’s to hope and happy trigger days for IVFers everywhere! Choose Hope by Joy Keeper via Etsy

We are now in Toronto and have finally met the team at our clinic. Things are looking good and moving right along and I am pleased! Here's where we are at today... Right ovary - 21, 21, 18, 18 mm Left ovary - 18, 16, 13, 13, 13, 12, 16 mm E2 - 4,235 There are 11 follicles in there...that's one more than yesterday! We trigger tomorrow night at 11 pm! It's amazing to be at this point and I am both thrilled and anxious at the same time. I am happy. Happy Saturday!

Ten is my new favorite number! I had my Day 8 ultrasound this morning and things seemed to have picked up... Right ovary - 15, 14, 13, 12, 4 mm Left ovary - 13, 9, 9, 8, 5 mm Uterine lining - 12 mm E2 - 3,895. On Wednesday it was 1,710 so it's more than doubled.  Day 8 last cycle was obviously crushing so I am breathing a sigh of relief. A lot of the follies have doubled in size in the last two days and my lining thickness has doubled as well...all good! I have two laggers in there...perhaps they haven't quite been able to make friends with their fellow follicles but maybe they can make nice, be friendly to the bigger ones and grow, grow, grow! Last night we packed...tonight after work we head to Toronto for an appointment with our "real" clinic in the morning. For those that don't know...we are using a clinic in Toronto but have been doing all of our cycle monitoring here in Ottawa with a Dr. that we have really grown to like. It will be interes

Today is Day 6 of the Menopur injections. This morning I had my first monitoring appointment. As much as I tried to relax and tell myself there was nothing that I could do...I was still feeling anxious. Cycle Day 6 was kind of a bust last cycle and I'd be telling a lie if I said I wasn't thinking the same thing may happen this cycle. This is what things looked like this morning... Right ovary - 6.9, 6.7, 6, 5.2, 5.5 mm Left ovary - 5, 6, 4, 4.5 mm Uterine lining - 6.8 mm with a triple stripe pattern Nine...I have 9 follicles. *Sigh* I was hoping for more.  Let's face it...I am not in my twenty's anymore and perhaps my soon to be 36 year old eggs are feeling a little weary. I am trying to focus on the positives and the positives are that they are all pretty close in size, my uterine lining looks...both good things.  I continue on the Menopur, next blood work and ultrasound on Friday. Let Go and Grow by Tender Beasts via Etsy Breathe. Relax. Let Go & Grow,

In light of yesterday's bad decision making and as a result, my uncomfortable work day...I declare today to be... "No Pants Day" Today is Day 5 of stims and other than the bloating and twinges with a side of cranky and emotional...I'm feeling alright! I have to admit that I am feeling a lot of apprehension about tomorrow's first monitoring appointment.  Are the medications working? Are my follicles growing? Is my e stradiol  rising? *Sigh* Just need to take a deep breath, relax and let tomorrow be what tomorrow will be.  Is today a "No Pants" kinda day for you?

Regret - Feel sad, repentant, or disappointed over something that has happened or been done, especially a lost or missed opportunity . Why do I have regret you may be asking yourself....I have regret about my choice of clothing for today ! Today is Day 4 of my Menopur injections and along with being super tired I am apparently very bloated with a capital "B". It's been hot and humid here in Ottawa for the past week and I have been wearing loose dresses and skirts to work so I hadn't really noticed. This morning I woke up to rain and cooler temperatures so my clothing of choice - a pretty blouse and a pair of pants. The top was a good idea...the pants...bad idea! Standing up is okay, sitting down at my desk - not okay. So here I am at work...wearing pants...feeling bloated, uncomfortable and full of regret!   I went Right when  I should have gone Left

Today is day 3 of Menopur injections. I am already feeling some twinges and hoping that means that my ovaries are working over time. They better be...my dose has been upped from 75IU last cycle to 300IU this cycle! Know what else I'm feeling? Sleepy...so very, very sleepy.  Sleepy by Sycamore Street Designs via Etsy Slept in till 11 am, napped this afternoon and already looking forward to bed time. Here's to hoping that a well rested body will make for some very happy ovaries! How was your weekend?

Let's just say that this morning I am not feeling like the sharpest crayon in the box *sigh*  Yesterday was my first injection of Menopur! I had blood work in the morning, clinic gave the okay to start the injections in the afternoon. Adam met me at home, he mixed up the four vials and first Menopur injection complete. All good...this morning should have been much of the same...you'd think...expect that Adam wasn't home.  For those that have or are undergoing fertility treatments you know how very expensive fertility medications are. It's quite r idiculous  actually. Although we have insurance coverage on our medications, I still treat each and every one like liquid gold. This morning I wasted four, yes four, vials of my gold. I did end up successfully mixing and injecting my Menopur but I sure am happy that Adam will be home for tomorrows injection. My own little pharmacy

I have my new protocol in hand and it looks a little something like this... Day 1 -     July 22 - Blood work, 300IU Menopur Day 6 -     July 27 - Blood work, ultrasound, Orgalutron Day 8 -     July 29 - Blood work & ultrasound Day 12 -   July 31 - HCG Trigger August 2 - estimated egg retrieval - The day before my 36th birthday and a successful retrieval would be the most amazing birthday gift...Are you listening to me ovaries? August 5 - estimated embryo transfer. August also means that these little peoples come home. I have missed them so very, very much! I have a feeling that August is going to be a great month!

Today I feel loved.  My dear Aunt Flo returned last night and it feels good! Turns out my fears were were unfounded and that she hadn't abandoned me after all. Apparently she just needed a wee break after last months craziness and well...Who could blame her? Via - But I Love Me More Today is Day 1 of  IVF cycle #2 and I couldn't be happier! Injection number 1 of Orgalutron   was at 8:30 this morning and we happily hopped aboard the crazy train. Happy Thursday!

Rejected Cartoons by : Don Hertzfeldt

Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was "composure & "inner child" - This is their story.   I ’m an adult. I drive a car, I have a job, I pay my bills and I even vote. I make responsible decisions and for the most part live a pretty normal life. While I consider myself a “kid at heart” and I love to joke, laugh and completely take things more light-heartedly than most I still always manage to do the right thing, act mature when I need to and know where to draw the line in almost all circumstances.  I also know when I really should act appropriately and be on my best behavior. Just because I Know  when I should be on my best behavior however, does not necessarily mean that I will  be on my best behavior. Which brings me to the way I am feeling right now… It's been almost a month since my cancelled IVF cycle. One month and still no Aunt Flo. One week since my blood work and assure from my doctor that my period is imminent. Imminent you say...ya right! I

Hot -   Defined as " Being at a high temperature" Humid - Defined as " Containing or characterized by a high amount of water or water vapor" My definition of hot and humid - "Uncomfortable" The past few days have been very hot and very humid...so hot and humid in fact that we have pretty much been home and in hiding although we did venture out a little. Yesterday morning we headed out to pick some raspberries and strawberries. We should have gotten up nice and early and started picking at 8 am but it was still fun....just a little warm! Know who else has been in hiding? My dear Aunt Flo *sigh* Hope your weekend was cool!

Adam and I have amazing friends...simple as that!  The other night we were invited over to our friend's place for dinner and they always make amazing food...yumm...acorn squash with maple and brown sugar...delightful! Great conversation, a bowl full of skittles - with a spoon - a few glasses of wine, a great meal outside enjoying the sunshine and this.... Scaling the wall in E & V's backyard...love it! What do you do when Adam is in your way? Climb over him of course! Adam taking a crack at the wall Happy Weekend!

Today I have hope.   Hope that things will work out this time. Hope that I will make it to egg retrieval. Hope that I will make it to embryo transfer. Hope that it will work and  Hope that I'll get pregnant. It's now been three weeks since my first IVF cycle was cancelled.  As discussed with my RE, I had a batch of blood work done on Tuesday to check my hormone levels to see what was going on. My nurse called me yesterday to let me know that they had the results and that the doctor would review and get back to me. "Uh oh" I was thinking. I spoke to my RE last night and he was amazing. He assured me that all of my hormones were all within normal limits and most importantly...my FSH was 6 and that was great news! 6 means that I have excellent to good ovarian reserve which means that with the right protocol, I should stimulate easily *Whew* My progesterone was high...also good...that means that I've ovulated and good ol Aunt Flo should be here any day no

I am the craziest little thing that has ever happened to you. You’re welcome.

Seriously Aunt Flo...where the hell are you? It's been 19 days since I stopped the Menopur and Puregon...19 days! Most normal women get a visit from their Aunt in 10-14 days. Why do I have to be 19 days? Cause my name is Janet and I usually never follow the norm. I'm all about embracing my inner freak and all that jazz but come on...I wanna be normal...just this once. Once my Aunt comes to visit, I'll gladly go back to being just a little off kilter! While I wait I try not to think too much about what I can't control...what I can do nothing about...but it's hard. I'm also waiting for these lovely, lovely tomatoes... Hope your Monday has been a lot less blah.

This week has been long, busy and exhausting! Between my missing Aunt, moving our office and my ever increasing work load...I need to unwind and relax and I know just the place.... See you soon Bon Echo! Wishing you all a wonderful and relaxing weekend.

As a wise man once said - in this case that wise man is none other than Jack Johnson, whom I adore - Banana Pancakes...check it out - "Must I always be waiting waiting on you? Must I always be playing playing your fool? No I can't always be waiting waiting on you I can't always be playing playing your fool, foool" This is a message for my Aunt Flo....please come, please put me out of my misery! I need you to come and visit me, I need to get this next IVF cycle on the go. I've been a good girl, I've been taking all of my vitamins, drinking lots of water, exercising and eating well. Heck...I've even laid off the candy. I have all of my medications and needles organized in a cute little storage container that I'm sure you will also think is cute...please come! It's been a long 15 days since stopping all of the medications and I need you. I need to stop feeling foolish for running to the bathroom every ten minutes thinking that you were here. *

Red Rock Canyon - Las Vegas, NV

I've decided that there really is nothing better than pulling fresh snow peas out of the garden, giving them a rinse and munching away...yumm! We've been enjoying the lettuce for a few weeks now...so much lettuce in fact that Adam has taken to eating "Giant" bowls of salad... Admittedly, when Adam drafted the plans for this years garden - which is much, much bigger than last years - I was leary and more than a little hesitant. Needless to say...I have changed my tune! How was your Monday?

This long Canada Day weekend we had planned to stay here in Ottawa and for the first time in the 15 years that I have lived in the area, spend it on Parliament Hill taking in the festivities and fireworks to celebrate Canada's Birthday. Saturday and Sunday were going to be relaxing days at home. That was however until I heard that 500,000 people...yes, that's right...half a million people were expected to attend said festivities! I guess that folks really were excited to catch a glimpse of Will and Kate. I am not one of those people. So, I went with my gut and made a last minute decision to head to Bon Echo and wow...am I glad that I did!  The view from the Narrows A dip in the lake after a hot long afternoon...bliss! Vero & I after a successful ascent of  "Rediscovery" Ready to start up "Formication & Macs Book" Adam & I at the Narrow's  It's no secret that the few weeks have been tough and emotionally taxing with our