Just A Little Off Kilter....

Beta is less than 1 - not pregnant. Mending Hearts by The Pair A Birds via Etsy I will be strong, my heart will mend and we will try again.

Today is 13dp3dt...beta is in the morning.  I'm hanging in there but the past couple of days have been very, very hard. I'm trying my best to stay hopeful but I'll admit that doubt and paranoia have crept in at times. I've resisted the urge and have not POAS but I will tomorrow morning at 6 am before I head to the lab so that Adam and I can find out together. I’m letting Paranoia bring me down. Get off my cloud, you fat whore-Paranoia! There’s only room for two and Hope has already started getting settled in!  Hope by The Little Rice via Etsy Hoping for good things tomorrow!

Strength by Inspire Somebody LLC via Etsy I am s trong and I have the strength to make it through the next few days.

Quick ...I need someone to talk me off the proverbial "ledge". Today is 11dp3dt and if I am indeed pregnant a HPT - home pregnancy test for my rock climbing friends - should, at this point, pick up enough HCG to show a positive. I want to know...I need to know...but at the same time if the news is not good I'm not sure that I'd be able to keep myself together to get through the next few days at work. *Sigh* Don't do it Janet...don't do it!  ACK!

Today is 10dp3dt...four...four more days! Dreams...my oh my...the dreams that I have been having lately are off the hook! Case in point...last night's dream. It involved  Alanis Morisette, the Cold War, castles, Russians, Tom Beregeron, violence, rowing teams and a baby! We all know that I am just a little off kilter but really...where on earth is this stuff coming from? This is my attempt to understand...   Tom Beregeron - I usually watch America's Funniest Home Videos  on Sunday night but sadly it wasn't on and I wasn't able to get my Sunday evening chuckles - Yes, I watch AFV - don't judge me! Cold War - I watched Pan Am last night - there was discussion about the   Cold War Russians - See above Baby - this one is obvious Castles - I was reading book two of the Game of Thrones and I think Nathan Fillion from the tv show Castle is H-O-T! Rowing teams - I got nothin Alanis Morisette - I don't even like her music Violence - I'm a lover no...

Today is 9dp3dt and I'm hanging in there. Five more days...I can do it. I'm happy to report that I've resisted and have not POAS...I like my PUPO bubble and I'm not ready for it to burst just yet! As far as symptoms go... vivid, vivid dreams that I remember even days later. They are happening every night now so between that and getting up to pee...not resting as well as I'd like. Tired...falling asleep much earlier than I normally would The girls are at least an A cup now and no longer AA but let's face it....an A cup on a 36 year old woman...way too small if you ask me...lol. Why my mother decided to not pass the boob gene along, I will never know! Progesterone or Pregnancy?  To keep occupied today we decided to go apple picking and I must say...it was quite relaxing and the weather was amazing. We did come home with a bushel and a half. Just how many apples is a bushel and a half.... That's A LOT of apples Adam's plan is to make apple ju...

One week...one week since my trasfer and one week until beta - half way there! Nobody warned me that the worst side effect from all of the medications that I am on, would be that I'd lose my mind. The drugs really should come with a warning label: While using this drug, patients should not operate heavy machinery. Or shower. This morning in the shower, I shampooed my hair as usual, rinsed it, and picked up the conditioner...which I then dispensed into my hand and proceeded to rub all over my body. I couldn't figure out why it wouldn't lather.  Five minutes later, I applied hair product to my face, for that bouncy, manageable look that turns heads on the street. Also, I can't be completely sure but  I have the strong suspicion that I applied deodorant only to one armpit! Gone Crazy, Be Back Soon by The Wallaroo via Etsy TGIF! What are you weekend plans? *Just viewed this post and realized that it was my 100th post!*

I will not pee on a stick...I will not pee on a stick...I will not pee on a stick! Not too much to report today and I'm all out of witty or interesting things to say. Truth is...I am tired, hot, cranky and feeling very hormonal. Eight....eight more sleeps until beta. Please Father Time...please make the next eight days pass quickly! In the meantime...while I wait for Father Time to honor my request... I WILL resist the temptation to pee on a stick! Resist by Hungry Knife via Etsy

Today is 4dp3dt...So...4 days down...10 days to go! Good grief that sounds like a long time. Le Sigh. So. Good things: I seem to be holding my own with the meds. Adam is doing a great job with the PIO injections and I am having minimal pain and bruising.   Not so wonderful things: The progesterone “side effects” have started. I’m choosing to tell myself it’s the meds, for the sake of my sanity. For the next 2 weeks, everything is a side-effect of the progesterone *laugh*. That twitch in my eye...progesterone. That itch on my bottom...progesterone. My dirty bathroom...progesterone. Bad hair day...progesterone. So far we’ve got - cramps that feel kind of like my period is going to start and well that's just silly seeing as I can't be starting my period with this much progesterone on board...can I? - Tired...oh so tired. Last night was my crap TV night and I couldn't stay awake past 10 pm. - Getting up to pee through the night...just annoying. - Grumpiness...just a wee b...

Yesterday Adam and I headed home from our two days in Toronto....ten hours later and many, many laughs, we arrived. Ten hours...well...we did take the long scenic route home and I am so glad we did! We decided Saturday morning that we were going to take a detour and head down through Prince Edward County as we've driven by the exit a million times and just never took the time to go. You see....we had nowhere to be and it was a beautiful day...why not?  The countryside is beautiful, the winery's are stunning and the farm stands were amazing... We drove as far south as we could and found ourselves at a place called "Point Petre". The road stopped and we walked the last few yards on a little trail and this is what we found... Point Petre - looking out at Lake Ontario We took the long loop around and decided to take the ferry at Glenora... We pulled into the driveway sometime after 9 pm feeling happy and relaxed. I couldn't have thought of a bet...

Yesterday at 11 am...we transferred two perfect embryos and I once again find myself PUPO - pregnant until proven otherwise - and I couldn't be happier! Of the 6 embryos that we had on ice, they thawed two and I am happy to report that they both thawed perfectly and continued to grow right away. At the time of transfer, one was 16 cells (this one we've called Frank) and the other was 14 cells (this one is Polly).... So Happy! This time around was so much easier. We knew what to expect, we were relaxed and we managed to keep ourselves quite entertained while we waited before and after the transfer... Aren't we great parent material? I wore my favorite rock climbing socks in for the transfer...the nurses and Dr. loved them...Adam not so much... What do you think?  The transfer was the easy part...waiting until September 30th for me beta...that's going to be the hard part but I will do my best to...laugh everyday, relax, be thankful for what I have rig...

Third Times A Charm   - That's been my mantra this cycle! Tomorrow morning at 11 am is our embryo transfer. "Am I excited?" you ask... Hell Yes by The Big Harumph via Etsy It's an exciting day and surprisingly...I am feeling very relaxed. This has been such an easy process in comparison to  what we have already been though. I feel like we've done all the hard work already...now it's time to sit back and relax. We have tried very hard to maintain a sense of humor about the whole process cause when you really start to think about it...this process is nuts, crazy, loco and if you allow it to...it will drive you crazy. I have vowed that I will not allow this to happen!  We named our two embryos last cycle - Test Tube Timmy and Petri Dish Patty - This cycle we had to pick names that were inline with the whole frozen theme so with a little help from our friends - who are all a little strange in the brain pan - we have - Fudgsicle Frank and Pop...

It was lunch time and I was hungry, a little hungry, not the - I could eat a horse kind of hungry - which makes me wonder - Ever find yourself getting half way through eating a horse and think "hmmmm...perhaps I'm not as hungry as I thought I was"? I wanted a small meal - and found myself craving a "Happy Meal" (I blame the progesterone) and a ll of the sudden it occurred to me: If I  go to McDonald's down the road and place my order via the drive-thru window . . . how would they ever know that the ordered Happy Meal was for me ? Unless the drive-thru operator’s camera scans your car for humanoid shapes under four feet? But I’m sure I’ve never heard the disembodied voice ask, “Is that for  a child ma’am?” whenever anyone in front of me ordered a Happy Meal, so maybe they don’t check. Also, if interrogated, I could always say my child is at home, too sick to accompany me. “She has the plague! And her dying wish is for a Happy Meal!” I’m sure ...

Once upon a time in a land far, far away called Bon Echo...there was an epic battle between the evil and cunning "Sweet Dreams" and the beautiful and amazing "Janet". This is their story.... Once upon a time I was in shape, good, fit climbing shape - oh how I miss those days - but IVF, drugs and hormones have pretty much squashed all of that and I have been feeling soft, unfit and weak. Sure, I have been climbing this summer but it has been on easy grades with lots of easy leads. So imagine my surprise when I woke up Saturday, crawled out of my tent and felt like climbing...I mean really climbing! I had a great morning climb on something a little easier and then proudly announced that "Yes, I would love to climb Sweet Dreams". So I climbed.... Happy after the first pitch...before the "I just peed my pants a little" traverse After pulling the crux...taking a rest Sweet Dreams threw all that she had had me and yes...I was battered and...

I just performed the inaugural injection of this, my first (and only ~ fingers crossed) frozen embryo cycle. Even as we speak, the Progesterone is coursing through my veins. I am imagining myself as the Incredible Hulk, with my clothing hanging around me in fashionable tatters as the bloat and the emotional upheaval turn me into a raging green-skinned beast. Don't make me hormonal. You wouldn't like me when I'm hormonal. (Assuming you'd like me otherwise.) Pink needle to draw up the progesterone Gray needle for the injection After tonight, I am now available in five new shades of crazy...you're welcome!

Today is Cycle Day 22 of my FET. Bright and early this morning I another date with the "dildo cam". Monday mornings and Dilo cams  are a lot like - clowns and Janet - wrong on so many levels .  The cam I can deal with...the rough eastern European lady who operates said cam...well...she's a little harder to deal with but if it gets me what I want...I'll smile and say Thank You. Things look good. Lining was at 8.9 mm with a triple stripe. Just what they wanted to see...yeah! I have my protocol change. Today I lower my Estrace to two tablets a day from 5, start my progesterone s uppositories  three times a day...eck...and also start the progesterone in oil injections. I'm not going to lie...they make me nervous. I have heard both good and bad things about them. Some say "not so bad" whilst others say "terrible, awful, hated them". I guess we'll see what end of the spectrum I fall into this evening. Wish me luck! Transfer is scheduled ...

I sometimes say Adam doesn't always “get me” and by that I mean...I’ll say something random like “I really wish I had a Storm Trooper outfit. I’d wear it to the mall and to other places where people would think it was awesome and they’d want one too! And also I would snazz it up a little with my bedazzler and pretty little colored polka dots… You know because white is just so last year”. This is precisely the type of thing I would say and then he would either just shake his head and quietly wonder why he's with me or he’d look at me very serious-like and say something like “did you take your meds today?” (with the obligatory head-tilt of course…to make it seem as though he’s not here to hurt me and he genuinely cares – even though we all know he’s probably terrified that at any minute I might just lose it and eat his face off) sorry  I digress… his grown-up-ness is respectable.  I've gotten completely off track...the point of today's ...

Today is Cycle Day 18 of my FET. After my ultrasound on Tuesday it was decided that my transfer would be moved from September 12th to September 16th. My RE wanted to see my lining thicker than 6.9 mm so we've added another Estrace tablet - now 10 mg a day - and another ultrasound on Monday to re check my lining. I am hoping for good things from my  endometrium! I am feeling happy and relaxed about this cycle. It seems to me that we've already been though  all the hard work and not is the time to sit back, relax and relish in the power of positive thinking. Things will turn out how they turn out...really no point in stressing out about it.  Four is my favorite number so I have a good feeling about our little four day delay. Number Four by Numeric Design via Etsy What's your favorite number?

I had a fantastic weekend at Bon Echo...it was relaxing, fun and I came home feeling happy and refreshed... until ...yesterday. What changed in one day you may be asking yourself? Two evil,  evil little words....Poison Ivy! Earlier this summer poison ivy and I had an ugly run in but luckily it was just on my legs and hadn't spread anywhere else. Annoying, yes. Irritating, sure but I dealt and it was gone. Not so lucky this time *sigh* I noticed it on my arm yesterday and then my foot and then my back. Again, I can deal.  And then this morning happened.....I woke up, had a shower, looked in the mirror and ack...what did I see? That's right, you guessed it...poison ivy on my face and I am most unhappy about it. *Crossed Fingers* that it stays mild and goes away quickly.  In the meantime...I've been quarantined at work. I hope they let me out soon.

Today is Cycle Day 16 of my Frozen Embryo Transfer. I went in early this morning for my first ultrasound. 15 days after starting the Estrace...my uterine lining thickness is at 6.9 mm with the triple stripe pattern. While a little on the thin side...I still have a week until our scheduled transfer of September 12th so I am feeling quite hopeful. Just waiting for word from the clinic on when to start the progesterone injections and the dreaded, awful and much hated progesterone  suppositories. It's all worth it though - I'll grin and bear and smile away. "Hope" by Durnall Designs via Etsy Third times a Charm....right?

Just home from another fantastic weekend at Bon Echo. I am in love with that place and more importantly...I am in love with my friends...they are simply amazing! Adam and I spent the last two days climbing and catching up with friends. To be honest, it felt great to talk about lots of other things and not talk much about IVF and our FET - I needed a nice distraction and Bon Echo is just what the doctor ordered! We did leave a day earlier than most everyone else as I really need a quiet day at home before Tuesday's ultrasound and all the associated crazy that is going to come in the coming weeks but not before doing this..... We took the time to toilet paper the tents of a few friends of ours while they were out climbing before we left! How was your long weekend?

Friday...oh how I love me some Friday! It has been along week and I am certainly looking forward to the long weekend! Adam and I are heading off to Bon Echo for some rock climbing and I am thrilled. It has been far, far too long since we've been away climbing. This summer has been pretty much consumed by IVF and all of it's related crazy. This weekend will be filled with climbing and catching up with friends...and will be filled with laughter...lots and lots of laughter!  What are your plans for the weekend?