Just A Little Off Kilter....

It doesn’t matter if you are 1 or 100, wrapping paper tubes make great light sabers or swords or anything else you can think up.

Lately, I have been avoiding blogging about my infertility journey. It has been easier to write about other things…the garden, rock climbing, work, etc. Really, I don’t know what to say or even what I’m thinking. I feel lost in a daze.  There is a moment, a moment when fertility treatments cease, and you find yourself in a holding pattern. Unsure of what will come next, unsure of where you fit in now. Limbo. Baby-making limbo. There is where I am.  There has been no medications, no shots, no blood work or ultrasounds and to be honest...this reality has been a little strange to adjust to after having cycled pretty much non stop since last summer. Don't get me wrong...this has been nice...just strange. So for now, I fill my time with work, climbing, reading, cooking. And…for the first time in over a year…I am trying to get back into the groove. We’ll see if I can continue to make this happen. But overall, it feels great. Thanks for all of your support and for readin...

If you recall...a couple of months ago I asked you my First Question .  I have to admit...I kinda feel like a freak. It seems that I am alone in the "crayon eatin" department. It would seem though that "play-doh" is a much bigger department. I bet they even have a bigger office, more staff and treats in the lunch room! Anywho...I heard a radio ad for a tattoo removal product, and it got me thinking. Also, a friend  has been telling me all about hers lately, as well, so it is front-of-mind.   Question -  Do you have a tattoo? Answer - I do have a tattoo.  Obviously, tattoos are pretty clearly going to last forever so I would like to think that I put a great deal of thought into mine and waited until the ripe ol age of 30 before getting inked. I have a friend that has her grandmother’s initials on her right hip. Very, very small (covered by a bikini - by the way - bikini's terrify me but that's a post for another day) and really unlikely to ever be so...

Sometimes the Google auto-complete of their most common searches makes me laugh: via Google

We have a fly in our office. I saw it buzzing around the window a couple of days ago, but couldn’t/wouldn't get up to swat it. As it turns out, apparently we have a Darwinian Reject fly in our office. I’m not sure what separated it from its mother at an early age, but it’s little fly instincts don’t seem to be working as it has decided that I'm it’s new best friend. It must have caught wind of my Karma Project from the fly outside . It likes to land on my clothing. And if I move around, it just stays there, happily cleaning its feet. If I move around abruptly, it will circle around a little and try landing on me again. Sometimes for variety, it hops from one spot beside me to another, inches away at the most. Desk, chair, wall, back to desk. The thing has no fear. I couldn’t help imagining it going “Hi! I’m your new pet! My name is Fred!”. …Which was my first mistake. Because now I have a housefly who trusts me completely and has a name. And how the heck am I supposed to kill t...

The last couple of days have been kind of tough. Why? I don't really have a good reason.  We went to Bon Echo. I climbed. I  went kayaking. The weather was amazing.  I ate good food and drank good wine. Spent time with friends and read a good book. We are going back to Bon Echo in a couple of days. There will be much of the same. All good...right? Yet I find myself feeling just a little sad and a little lonely. A little blue. This limbo time – the time between our failed FET and waiting for our next IVF cycle to start – is not easy.   I am going to try my best to remember this... Every day, think as you wake up, Today I am fortunate to have woken up; I am alive, I have precious human life, I am not going to waste it, I am going to use all of my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others, To achieve Enlightenment for the benefit of all human beings, I am going to have kind thoughts towards others; I am not going to get angry, Or think b...

My favorite of favoriest places! Where is your favorite place?

Is the cow half full or half empty? Are you a pessimist or an optimist?

I was having a conversation with a friend today and in the process, learned something new. I learned that some women get pretty for their doctors. Not only a good wash and maybe some last minute leg-shaving but pedicures and bikini waxes to boot. And I'm not taking about RE's specifically. But for the life of me, I can't figure out why.  Do we think our doctors are looking? I can see how you might feel the urge to spruce up the place if you thought the person rooting around down there was actually interested. The kind of sprucing you do right before a hot date. But I just can't imagine my doctor is. In his long career he's faced down many a lady part. So many that he doesn't even need to cast a downward glance while introducing the ultrasound probe. In fact, I'm pretty sure he could do it blindfolded, backwards, with one arm tied behind his back. Hell of a party trick if you ask me. "Hey, wanna see what I can do?" Or maybe we're talking cur...

This is the tender time of summer. Leaves are still in their infancy, dotting tree branches like confetti and letting the blue sky slip between, painting the leaves with flashes of silver where the sun hasn't already claimed them for gold. The grass is a newly minted green, each blade bright with expectation. Everywhere is the color of flowering trees and shrubs. The perfume of lilac is heavy on the air; their purple clusters just now bursting open. My street smells of lilac. Love it.  This is also the tender time of the Garden . Around this time last year I woke to the sounds dirt...a lot of dirt ...being dropped off in my driveway. I am happy to report that no more dirt was required for this years garden. I didn't want to spend my weekend walking door to door up and down my street, willing my neighbour's to "come one, come all. Fill a wheelbarrow with dirt". I'm sure they still think we are more than a little odd after last years exploits...

Oh Adam.... It's no secret that I have an irrational fear of clowns and anything clown related . Even FizBo from Modern Family freaks me out.  Adam sent me a chat message with a link. I open said link and see and hear this... Every breath you take And every move you make Every bond you break Every step you take Ill be watching you Every single day And every word you say Every game you play Every night you stay Ill be watching you Adam thought this would earn extra tent cuddles tonight. Adam was wrong. What about you...what are you afraid of?

Bon Echo - "Difficult route finding, loose rock, not much fixed pro, bugs (black flies, mosquitoes and wasps), poison ivy, occasional bad weather, lichen covered rock (slippery when dry, worse when wet), noisy motorboats, and it's a long way to the nearest hospital (after you get yourself to the bottom of the cliff). We're not joking about any of this." This is where we'll be spending our long weekend. The Cliff The 1st Pitch of "Red Groove" The 1st Belay of "Romp of the Geriatrics" Relaxing at the hut after a full day of climbing What are your weekend plans?

Researchers know that depressive people tend to see the world through a negative lens. For instance, on an unusually hot day in the summer, a well-adjusted person might think, “This is a perfect pool day!” A depressive person like me will think, “Definitely global warming. The world is going to end soon.”   Over the years, I learned to counter my unrealistic negativity when it crops up by constantly feeding myself more positive, realistic thoughts. At first, I didn’t think it would work, but then I told myself that it was just my Negative Voice talking.    Anyway, I've been trying this positive affirmation business and trust me, I've needed to use it A LOT in the last year...and it works amazingly well. Here are some of the things that I tell myself... When Life Feels Too Hard “Everything always works out eventually. This will, too. And if it doesn’t work out, that means I’m dead, so it won’t matter anyway.” “Anything is possible, even this. “Just put one foot ...

Take a stand. Stand out. Be different.

I have a complicated love/hate relationship with lingerie.  At my age, finding the right lingerie can be a frustrating experience, especially because I don’t often have the luxury of shopping in one of those expensive boutique shops where the nice sales lady waits on you hand and foot and periodically tells you how beautiful you are. My only lingerie shopping locations are La Senza or la Vie en Rose. I have nothing against their line up of items, but their sales help is usually half my age, half my weight, and double my bra size. These girls wouldn’t know a stretch mark or bulge of cellulite if it were broadcast to them as a text message with a link to a YouTube video depicting these very things. I once told one of these youngsters, for instance, “I want some sexy panties that are also comfortable. In other words, no thongs.” I rendered her speechless. Sexy and comfortable were not words she knew how to string together in the same sentence.  I've been on the hunt for som...

Karma...what is it? Well, the all knowing  Wikipedia  defines it as...  Karma (Sanskrit: कर्म IPA: [ˈkərmə] Pali: kamma) in Indian religions is the concept of "action" or "deed", understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect (i.e., the cycle called saṃsāra) originating in ancient India and treated in the Hindu, Jain, Buddhist and Sikh religions.[2]. Simply, karma refers to the process of cause and effect. Action causes reaction. Whatever you do, something will happen. I've decided to  launch a personal  Karma Project  to encourage myself to practice more good deeds and fewer bad ones, all the while keeping track of how it affected my mood and life in general. Here's a recap of week one of the Karma Project. Trying to be kind to bugs in a world where people take great pleasure in being unkind to bugs? Not easy. Even my co-worker seems to be bent on preventing me from practicing bad acts of karma as far as bugs are concerned....

I bought this for the tree out front.  I love it. Adam thinks it creepy. I bet our neighbor's think we are just a little off kilter. Shhhhhh

The only mind I can read is my own, and sometimes my efforts in that quest are faulty at best.  When people compliment me, they do not want to hear 10,000 reasons why I do not deserve their compliment. They want to see me smile. That is all.  It’s better to sing off key than not to sing at all. The hardest, most excruciating and tiring experiences of life often double as the most rewarding, satisfying, and meaningful.   Usually when people lash out and say something nasty, they are not necessarily trying to make me or someone else feel like crap. Rather, they are trying to feel less crappy about themselves. Holding grudges hurts me more than it hurts others. If I address issues when they are just nagging nuisances, I’ll be able to solve them and move on long before too much resentment and anger sets in. If I use difficult people as a way to grow and practice my skills (assertiveness, compassion, forgiveness, communication skills, patience, etc), life becomes more...

Laughter is good. We should all do more of it. That’s why I've decided to declare every Thursday, “Inappropriate Laughter Day.” Why inappropriate? That’s just my way of letting you know that most of the things that make me laugh-and therefore that you will find showcased on Inappropriate Laughter Day-are completely inappropriate. I tend to like adolescent boy humor. I particularly like jokes about farting, body hair, and genitalia. Today’s theme is genitalia. Take the word Vagina. It’s inherently funny. I bet you already laughed, just by reading the word. Try saying it out loud publicly. See what happens. Anyone who hears you will start to giggle, “Hee, hee, she said the word Vagina!” The word Penis, on the other hand, isn’t as laugh producing. I’m not sure why. It’s an ugly word, and perhaps that’s apt. Penises are not anywhere near as pretty as Vaginas. And they tend to do more harm than good. They probably deserve to be called something that doesn’t sound pretty. ...

We've all had days when we wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Nothing goes right, and we’re stuck in a funk. It’s like we have a dark cloud following us around with the constant threat of rain. These are the days when life just sucks. Here are five things that I think about or do to make myself happy when life sucks... Say the F-word every other word  -  F-ing dishes in the f-ing sink f-ing yet again. No one ever thinks to f-ing put them in the f-ing dish washer. How f-ing hard is it? Why is the f-ing car in front of me driving so slow? Why is my f-ing computer so slow? Okay, so it doesn’t make you feel positive about the situation, but it does help you to feel oh so much better! Make faces - There's something called the " Facial Feedback Hypothesis ", which says that whatever face you make will affect how you feel. Usually, it works the other way around. If you're grouchy, you scowl; if you're happy, you smile. However, this works both ways. If...

Wishing my Poppy a very Happy 89th Birthday! Love you much Poppy! xoxo

Do you ever sit back and take stock of your life – trying to recall the little moments that brought you this far?  Sometimes we forget the little things, how it is the simplest decisions and things that lead us down the twisting path of life. This weekend was the opening of the Bon Echo ACC hut for the rock climbing season at Mazinaw Lake. This weekend was also a Super Moon. The sun had set and evening had settled in over the hut. Somewhere ahead, I could smell the crisp crackling of wood burning on a fire and friends laughing.  The moment was fresh. Peaceful. Calm. It reminded to me to be thankful for the things that I have in life and not to focus on the things that I don't have. To take a step back and just be.  It was perfect. I came home feeling refreshed.  I heart Bon Echo.  Early construction on the "King" of Outhouses! How was your weekend?

I just looked at my schedule and realized May was here, yep it usually follows right after April but somehow I didn't expect it just yet. Today just feels like one of those days. Nothing feels right...My head feals completely cloudy. There are things I need to do...as in pack for the weekend (going to Bon Echo to open up the hut and mark the start of rock climbing season) and I am just not being able to get any of it done. I wish I had that magic wand...wave it a few times and everything will be done.  *sigh* What about you....how's your day been?

To recap... Whiteboard Wednesday is when I write down something semi-idiotic, funny, interesting or just plain weird that I said, heard or read in the past week.  I overheard this while in line at the liquor store last night...

On my way home from work last night I stopped at the all evil Walmart to stock up on tights and Sour Skittles cause we all know that one can never have enough tights and Sour Skittles! I picked up what I needed and decided that I wasn't quite ready to head home (this may have been because I was hoping if I arrived home after Adam...he may have already started dinner and therefore I would not have to a) choose what to cook and b) cook it). Anyway...I digress...as usual. I wandered into the toy section and as I stood there looking at the heaps of toys on the shelves, I realized that for the most part...it's all plastic, throw away crap and it got me to thinking and feeling all nostalgic like. I miss the toys of my childhood.  So, without further ado, I present my four favourite vintage toys from the 1970s... The Little People - First they were made of wood and then durable plastic (which actually isn’t an oxymoron). You can still buy Little People today but, you...