Just A Little Off Kilter....

“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” This is one of my favourite quotes from Alice In Wonderland. It is a very special quote because it rings true in several areas of my life. I recently read Alice in Wonderland again, and afterwards watched the Disney version of the movie. If you've never watched it, I would suggest it. Sure there's a hookah-smoking Caterpillar, Alice eating mushrooms and chasing the White Rabbit, and what many would describe as psychedelic trips –  but there are quite a few lessons to be learned. Here are my favourites. Always Remain Calm - Alice falls down the rabbit hole and has no idea where she will end up, but she remains very calm. As you watch her descend, she never really seems to become unnerved. She even takes a moment to take in the oddness of the things around her. When faced with this matter she adapts quickly and forges forward into the unknown and rolls with the punches. ~ I need to remain calm this cycle. ...

Humans should be eternally grateful it wasn't me who was in Newton's place. If the apple hit me I'd be like "Nice!" & eat it. End of story.

I was at the mall the other day. Bad idea.  You see...I have been in a bit of a bubble all month and I was blissfully unaware that the Christmas shopping season had descended upon us. At any rate...I was there...at the mall when it happened. The Wedgie. I panicked a little on the inside before calming myself and regaining my senses. There must be a way out of this...I thought. "Think Janet" and I did... Here’s how you can pick your wedgie without detection. Change Your Stride - Pretend you’re doing some sort of stretching/lunging exercise and make your stride much longer than normal. People would never guess you had a wedgie, they would just think “Wow this person is really into working out while shopping. Look at that stride.” They’ll be amazed.  Another option is to make your stride extremely short, if you think that’s the best way to fix your dilemma. Going the short-stride route, however, might require a bit more creativity to make it l...

I'm still in a funny place. An unexplainable funk that I seem to have fallen into and one that is proving more difficult than I imaged to pull myself out of.  I'm not sure exactly why I'm in this place.  I have every reason to be feeling happy and optimistic. I'm healing quite nicely from surgery. Today is CD3 and we have the green light to try and conceive with this cycle. This should fill me with excitement but instead I seem to be feeling rather indifferent about the whole thing. It seems so odd to me that after all that we have been through - all the interventions and medical appointments - that we can now try to make a baby like any "normal" couple. This is so strange to me.  I'm sure this feeling will pass. It has to. It must. In the meantime.... It's starting to look a "little" like Christmas in the JaAdam household Tree is up...but tree is bare...perhaps I'll decorate her soon Sunday morning pumpki...

Happy Weekend!

Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten. You know when people say something hurtful without realizing...and you can't be mad at them because they genuinely didn't mean it the way it made you feel? Yeah..I hate that. I want to be mad at the person who just made me feel like absolute crap. But I know that they didn't mean for it to be hurtful to me. Ugh. And then I feel guilty for being mad at them for something they didn't mean to do. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

The sign at the coffee shop bathroom I stopped at this morning said...  "Employees must wash hands" I waited for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing. So I left. via Alana Louise

*I'm in a weird place lately. I have no explanation. I'm all out of sorts. I hope to feel like me again soon. I will blog about recovery/next steps soon. It's been a much bigger struggle then I was prepared for. I'll get there. Just need time. So while I try and get back to being me and start talking again about the quest for baby JaAdam...I present to you...more of my nonsense* If you want to know a sentence that you can utter to make me automatically judge the type of human being you are, try this one on for size: “I don’t like the taste of water”. There are so many things wrong with this statement that I don’t know where to begin. It sends my mind reeling and truly baffles me. Please do me, you, and Mother Earth (love you, girl!) a favour and don’t even go there. Like, I'm sorry? Your body is 70% H2O. It needs water to function – from your immune system to your digestive tract to your skin, water is where it’s at. Don’t get me wrong – y’all know I love my soda ...

I've been thinking a lot about whether I'm shy or just awkward. Then I was like, “Don’t get down on yourself; you are more than just one thing, Janet! You are a multi-dimensional human being with lots of layers. Why limit yourself? You can be shy and awkward!” Figuring this out has been really great for me because I've been able to come up with a new phrase to describe myself: shawkward. I know it seems like a pretty simple concept. I know you’re all thinking, “Big deal, Janet, all you did was combine shy and awkward.” But I assure you it wasn't that easy, especially when you consider all of the ways I could've combined shy and awkward. There was shykward but that sounds too weird and I am not that weird. Then there was awkshard, which sounded disgusting and potentially painful. There was wardshy, which just sounded stupid. Not to mention awkshy, shwardy, and shyawk, all of which sound like bird noises and sorry, I don't particularly...

If I'm weird and crazy around you, that means I'm comfortable with you. Typography Print by Perfectus Prints via Etsy

I have this tendency to blush super easily. So easily in fact, that it’s really embarrassing. I will even blush even when I am not feeling embarrassed. What is that?! My awkwardness shows, and I don’t like it. Also, what the hey is up with blushing? Thanks body, thank you so much, for betraying my feelings to the world. If it was at least, I don’t know, an internal feeling of embarrassment that would be okay. It would be so nice if instead of getting a red face, you could just feel a burning in the pit of your stomach. Uncomfortable, yes, but everyone wouldn’t know that you’re uncomfortable. Of course, we would get off way too easy if that was the case. Some situations are awkward enough without the added bonus of the other person knowing that you’re embarrassed. Blushing is just life’s way of adding a little kick to humiliation. It’s like - wow, this is embarrassing, here’s some confirmation in tomato red…on your face! Props to actors and actresses that are constantly being asked emb...

In Flanders fields the poppies blow Between the crosses, row on row, That mark our place; and in the sky The larks, still bravely singing, fly Scarce heard amid the guns below. We are the Dead. Short days ago We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow, Loved, and were loved, and now we lie In Flanders fields. Take up our quarrel with the foe: To you from failing hands we throw The torch; be yours to hold it high. If ye break faith with us who die We shall not sleep, though poppies grow In Flanders fields. Red Poppy print by Susan Nolker via Etsy

Nine - it's been nine days since my surgery. Nine days of chilling at home recovering...which has been more difficult then I imagined (perhaps more on this later). Nine days of mindless crap television, book reading, 3 am cookie eating and endless entertainment that the interwebs has  provided me. Take this one for example... 10 Things You Might Know Have Known About Canada 1. Our Parliament Has a Sanctuary for Stray Cats Really? How did I know not this? This is in my city!! I should be ashamed of myself. I am a bad Canadian but more importantly a bad Ottawaian. The wee cats live in little wooden houses and even have their own blog and facebook page. No kidding! 2. One of Our Prime Ministers Used a Crystal Ball William Lyon Mackenzie King (he’s the one on our $50 bill. If I had a $50 bill I'd show you who am I kidding, I never have a $50 bill) also tried to get advice from his dead mother at séances he held in his home. You can still see his crystal ball in ...

I'm still here. I'm still alive. I survived. Tomorrow marks a week since my surgery and it would appear that after a very rough few days spent back in the hospital, I am finally on the mend. Thank you for all of the lovely messages of support. Please know that this is what keep me going when I was at my lowest low and yes, I'll admit...I did have more than one of those moments in the past six days. The surgery itself went very well. It was a bigger deal than I was expecting and was quite surprised when I woke up in recovery to discover that I had quite a large incision and a dozen staples holding me belly together. Despite all of that...I am happy. I now have two "open" healthy tubes. This is huge. This means that in six short weeks we can try to make baby JaAdam the good ol' fashioned way.  In the car on our way to the hospital. I may be smiling on the outside but I was terrified on the inside. Don't let the smile fool you. A few minutes ...

Surgery went well. Recovery started off really well. And then... Things went downhill. I'm back at the hospital but hope to be feeling better very soon!

Hiatus is defined as a gap or interruption in space, time, or continuity; a break. Today is the day. Its Thursday...also known as surgery day. In just a few minutes we are heading to the hospital. The surgery that I am both incredibly terrified of as well as excited about.  Terrified  - of the surgery, pain, unknown, hospital stay. Excited  - about the possibility of conceiving baby JaAdam the ol' fashioned way. Just to be clear...if Adam tells you that I am having a l obotomy, he's a liar... I had that surgery years ago. I'll likely be on a bit of an hiatus for a few days but fear not my friends... I'll be back...whether you like it or not! Keep Calm and Heal On by Keep Calm Shop via Etsy