Just A Little Off Kilter....

Saturday morning wine bottling. We may or may not have consumed more than a bottle of this  by the end of the weekend. Food tour to St. Lawrence Market , Evergreen Brick Works , Kensington Market  & The Distillery  District A four course cheese dinner at Cheesewerks . Tina is just entering her cheese coma in this picture, mine soon followed I made friends with a mime in Kensington Market...the conversation was very one sided I met Rob & Michelle's perfectly beautiful 5 week old daughter Athena. She has the cutest little nose and mouth...perfection in a 10 pound package! I acted a fool...as usual My sister and I  The weekend was just what I needed...I came home feeling calm and relaxed. Come on life...bring it!

This was me all week after enduring another early pregnancy loss (third in five months but this was was the toughest as this was the one that lasted the longest) and the loss of a big contract at work... This is me today. Going to spend the weekend with my sister. Food tour, dinner, hotel, manicure, pedicure, massage and Monday off... What are your plans for the weekend?

Some of my proudest moments have been when a website told me my password was "Very Strong."

Once upon a time, back when I first started my blog, I kicked ass at leaving comments on other blogs and I would always reply to comments I would have on my site. After awhile I got what I like to call comment constipation. Yeah, ewwww. I know...I'm sorry. I want to comment, I love to comment, but no matter how hard I try, nothing comes out. Sidenote...I can’t believe I compared my inability to comment to constipation. Anyway, I do read several blogs but then when I look at the comment section, I freeze up and think agggghhh, what the hey should I say without sounding so lame? Sure, I say some of the dumbest crap-ola on my own blog but that’s different. There’s also a lot of times when everyone who’s commented on someone’s post has said pretty much everything that I was going to say. So, then I’m left with my 3 options; "LOL" or "Hahaha" or "So sorry, that sucks" or (((HUGS)) If there’s more that I feel I need to say in my comment, it’s like my brain l...

I have to admit that for the last few days , week, I've felt like I was walking around with a little dark storm cloud over my head. Sometimes it can be really difficult to shake yourself out of that place, that place where you wish you had a pair of noise-cancelling headphones attached to your noggin at all times to block out the world.  I would like to blame it all on hormones, on recent world events, or maybe a dark moon is coming…but ultimately, we have to take responsibility for our own moods. Your mood is a choice, & you own your attitude. Some people say, “She totally ruined my mood” or “My day is totally wrecked now”, but no. When we say this, we give away all of our power. Do you really want to allow someone else to dictate the happiness quotient of your day? We are in charge of our lives & our moods, even - especially - when we think we aren't. Along with that little dark cloud,  I've been surly, moody & unpleasant. That was until... ...

I woke up this morning with an overwhelming,  unsettling sense of sadness and please forgive me...but I just cannot bring myself to post my usual Funny Face Friday. I do think though, that I've identified the source of the struggle, what's causing me to walk around with a short circuit. It's just weight. It's extraneous stuff. It's real and imagined, it's physical and emotional and philosophical. It's the way stuff builds up over time, like plaque, innocent and natural and harmful, and it's heavy. Sadness that my period is two days late and the test I took this morning was very negative. Sadness for what is happening in Boston and Texas. Such destruction and heartache. Sadness that I'm unable to being a new life into this world.  Sadness that I might bring a new life into this mad, crazy and scary world. There's no simple solution to something so vague and omnipresent. via Wallpapersdb.org Normally I'd try and ta...

Oh cool this dress has pockets to keep my snacks in!   by Tasi Fashion via Etsy 

Busy? Check Overwhelmed? Check Stressed? Check Emotional? Check But... Everyone one of your loving thoughts, comments and gestures are reminders I get to take a deep breath, smile, laugh, move forward, appreciate. Adam, friends, and family do a pretty good job, too. Lucky? Check Blessed? Check Loved? Check Grateful? Most definitely

I feel like I've been swallowed by a sink hole. It's deep, it's dark, I can't see...can't breathe. 1,126.163 days ago, I entered the surreal world of infertility. Tubes were checked, sperm were counted, hormones were graphed, ovulation test sticks were peed upon, powerful drugs were taken, both orally and by injection. Embryos were created, embryos were lost. Major surgery was had...all in the quest for a baby. Six months ago, I was confident that enduring major surgery was going to be the answer to our woes. I was wrong. You know that you're reaching rock bottom when you say with great weariness "Honey, we have to have sex tonight" and you both approach it like some grim chore, not much more pleasant than cleaning out the litter box. Still, that was better than lying on a table under flourcent lights with your thighs in stirrups trying to think pleasant thoughts, while a catheter containing your embryos is inserted into your uterus in the ...

A huge thank you to Alexis over at Our Journey Through This Lovely Life for the super cool mustache stickers...go on over and pay her a vist...she's pretty awesome!

As we pass through the arc of life the old adage of “we are born, we grow old, etc…” is known to all. When we look at our own expected life milestones there are differences depending on the environment we grew up in. Typically some of the expected events in our lifetimes include; our first words, first day of school, first kiss/love, high school graduation, college graduation, first full-time job, first promotion, meeting our partner, getting engaged, getting married, buying your first home, having a child/children and so on as your children then repeat the milestones. For the majority of individuals, these steps seem to flow with relative ease. However when you get stuck at one of these steps or one doesn’t happen in the timely manner that you prefer, everything else in your own life plan comes to an abrupt halt as well. It appears to me that in our society there is a large emphasis on completing the majority of these life tasks. Included in this same emphasis is the overwhelming impo...

Ever read a classic novel that really moves you? I feel that way about cheesecake. Miniature Sweet Cheesecake by Monica Bijoux via Etsy

I have a degree in Overthinking. It’s from the College in My Head, which I know for a fact is not accredited, and yet I continue to be a student there. Over the years, this not-fine art of overthinking has probably been the most difficult habit for me to break. I’d say it’s definitely been the most difficult habit for me to break, but then I’d reassess saying ‘definitely’ and probably switch it back to ‘probably.’ Is it easy being me? No. Do I have it way easier than many and create my own stress? Yes! Do I win something for that? A trophy where someone is just gently patting someone else on the back? Probably not. Here are some examples of how it goes for me: I regularly make decisions about what other people were thinking when they said or didn't say something to me, only to later find out that they don’t even recall saying the original thing to me in the first place. That’s how much weight the moment had for them. None. Even though I've spent hours deconstructing ...

I'm in my late thirties and I feel like I'm still waiting to become a grown up. The main reason is that most of the time, I don’t know what the hell I'm doing. With each year that passes, I'm starting to realize that I can’t be the only adult who feels this way. I remember my mom being my age and I used to think she had it all figured out. 4 young kids (the 5th came later on)  my dad away at sea a lot and she always seemed to have it together...figured out. I don’t have most things figured out. I just don’t feel my age. I like to stay up late and I still sometimes use “totally” and “awesome” in the same sentence. Me? A grown up? Nah. I think of my future child and I'm sure that he/she will instantly know much more than I do already. Then I start thinking they'd be better off being raised by wolves. Okay, maybe not but you get what I mean. I have a house, a wonderful family, a job, bills to pay, and a cat. I'm just waiting to ca...

Happy Weekend...may it be filled with funny faces and belly laughs!

In this case...losing followers. I don't blog for the numbers, I blog for me. It's my release, my journal. But at the same time,  I do strive to post things others might be interested in.  I get super excited when I gain a follower.  But I have to confess that I get pretty bummed out when I lose a follower.  I tend to over analyze things. It's what I do (just ask Adam) and then I start to ask myself... What did I do wrong? Did I offend someone? Am I not interesting enough? Should I post more infertility posts? Should I be doing things different? Are my jokes and silly posts boring and dull? Does Funny Face Friday annoy more than make someone smile? Anyone else feel this way? To better suit your tastes, what kinds of things would you like to see on Just A Little Off Kilter ?

You know what I think is weird? Fake doughnuts, also known as...plain doughnuts.   I mean you just stroll into a Tim Horton's (or a Dunkin Donuts for my american friends. P.S. they make the best vanilla chai latte) and you see all the different flavours and types...glazed, Boston cream, vanilla dip, apple fritter, maple, double chocolate glazed. And there...just sitting among all the wonderful flavours, acting like it belongs...there is plain.  Right there, laying next to Boston cream in it's little tissue paper lined tray with walls of the silver tray surrounding it...just like the real ones.  But it's not! It's not one of them. It has no frosting, no sprinkles, no glaze, no cream, fillings or toppings at all. It shouldn't even be called a doughnut, or a pastry of any kind.    It's just a bagel...a bagel!  Doughnut play food by Bees Felt Market via...

I didn't know true horror until I accidentally pressed a button on my iPhone camera and saw my face from 2 inches away.

Dear Ancient Aliens, So at work yesterday a co-worker and I were talking about the Bermuda Triangle...why? No idea...anyway, one thing led to another and he started talking about some mysterious place in Mexico called the " Zone of Silence " and the next thing I know...drafting that purchase order and proofing that magazine is on hold and we are Netflix-ing this documentary on you guys (I’ll explain Netflix to you later, you aliens are so ancient I bet you don’t even know what a computer is!) and holy moly, you guys are crazy! Now, I know I say that to a lot of people that I write letters to but this time, I mean it! Why, look at all the crazy stuff you ancient aliens did! You built pyramids and you traveled through wormholes through portals made of rock on mountainsides in Peru and were all like, "Hey people, We’re Gods. Suck it!" and dumped some other rocks to tell time in Stonehenge and you could even be our ancestors – like maybe, as one of the "historians...

Lately I've been thinking about how people affect your life. Every single person you have ever known has affected your life in a positive way. I know, many of you may disagree, and contradict me to let me know there is a list of people you could have done without. Maybe. Maybe they didn't have a great role in your life at the time. Maybe they hurt you. Maybe they wasted your time. Yet I am willing to bet that if you think about it, each one of those people served some sort of purpose. Even if that purpose was to waste your time. While your time was being wasted you learned patience. Amongst other things. While you were getting hurt you learned a lesson. Maybe you didn't learn your lesson the first time, and you needed to learn it again and again. Who knows. Maybe you are slow like me. Maybe that friend who wasn't really a friend taught you to be more selective with the people you trust. Maybe she let you down so many times you became self reliant. Maybe she was lat...