Just A Little Off Kilter....

In my head, I'm all "whatever, it's almost New Year's Eve again." But if I'm honest with myself, 2012 was a rather intense year and I'm glad it's coming to a close. 2013...I don't know what to say to you except...good luck?  Yes. Good luck topping what was a very hard and very rewarding year – all bundled into one messy package. I simply resolve to keep going...keep working, keep trying new things, keep meeting new people. Off we go, my friends. Thanks for keeping me company on the journey, and cheers to a Happy New Year! Happy New Year Print by Flourish Cafe via Etsy

My first adventure with hair dye happened as a twelve year old in junior in high school. My sister (who is five years older) was in high school and one of her classes was cosmetology. It seemed that I was an easy target, I mean model, to test out her skills on. Tina assured me that after she was had worked her magic (experimented with me) I would look amazing. Yeah...that didn't quite happen. What did happen was that I looked like a perpetually  terrifi ed tabby cat sporting bold orange stripes. There is photographic evidence of this but I'm not quite ready to share. Perhaps one day. It would be two years before I was brave enough to try again. I remember that my friend Tammy and I bought two bottles and quietly tip toed upstairs to my bathroom,  giggling about how "dangerous" we were for buying dye that lasted 24 washes that was pretty much identical to the hair color we were already sporting. My parents couldn't tell...nor could any of my classmates the day af...

I've been going through a really hard time lately. This last year of my life has taken a really unexpected turn and things just aren't the same. I feel like I've lost some of my spark. There are many times in life where you’ll be faced with extremely difficult circumstances, challenging situations, or just downright terrible luck, and it’s up to you how it that will shape the person you are. I wholeheartedly believe in the adage that it’s not what happens but how you react that defines you as an individual. So what do you do? How do you handle yourself when shit happens? I strive to hold to my standards, my ideals of the person I want to be, and sometimes that requires a certain channelling of energies. It requires me to take everything that’s bottled up in my head and let it escape somehow. How do I escape? Often I dance when angry or sad. That hasn't always been the specific response...generally I need a physical release of some kind for any real catharsis. Moving,...

It’s really important to aim high in life and set some realistic goals...and some not so realistic goals. When you decide what you want to do with your life and design your ultimate dream job, you must go after it as if imaginary rats are nipping at your heels. You may look a little weird but at least you are chasing your dreams! Here is a list of ultimate dream jobs that me and my voices came up with at 3 am: Wedding Planner for people who want really, really bad weddings Australian Accent Coach A Kardashian – the one that has trouble keeping up Grammar Rodeo Clown Master of the Universe A Manager at a Shelter for Homeless Shopping Trolleys Real-life Dramatic Re-enactment Actor Bingo Caller on speed Monkey Translator Half-Life Coach Inaccurate Weather Reporter Slow Motion Crash Test Dummy What's your ultimate dream job?

The high today is -2C. The low today is when I ate an entire sleeve of Chewy Chips Ahoy before 10 am.  They are just so damn chewy gooey.

Have you ever just found yourself suddenly asking the universe the ultimate burning question...How did I get here? What I mean is, you just wake up one day, or it just randomly occurs to you...What frigginhappened? How did I get here? This is where I am today.  I'm in a weird place. Today is 11DPO. I'm sad at both the thought of not bringing a new life into this world and bringing a new life into this world.  The world is a beautiful place but the world is also a scary place. While it may seem overwhelming, I'm at least taking comfort in the fact that I'm pretty sure I am not the only one - I'm not the only person who often wonders... "What – in this godforsaken world – has frigging happened?" Stars universe woodland art photograph by LupenGrainne via Etsy

You are one of a kind. You mask sweat lines like none of your business, you are wearable with every color*, you match my best skirt and my crummiest jeans, you are cool in the summer and warm in the winter, you have a subtle yet classic ribbed knit and best of all, you make me feel confident and pretty. Together, we've traveled and gone grocery shopping. We've gone climbing and watched movies. Together, we've eaten too many cookies and baked bread and signed an apartment rental agreement and gotten a job and hiked slippery muddy trails and I’m pretty sure I wore you while sitting in at least six different doctor’s offices, all of which were insanely chilly. When my brother was a wee child, he had a blanket trimmed in yellow lace. Day in and day out, my brother carried his blanky, his thumb threaded through the care tag on one corner. It followed him everywhere (at 18 he stills sleeps with blanky and he's going to kill me for telling you this) It probably also accompanie...

Do have you any holiday weekend plans?

How many people like to go on a diet? Ummmm... I'm going to go with no one...no one likes to go on a diet. Let's be clear. I'm not a dieter. I watch my diet, but I don't slash it six ways to Sunday to achieve some sort of disillusioned goal. Diets don't even work, do they? Aren't we supposed to just improve our diet habits, not go crazy cutting out staples? All I've ever wanted was to be semi healthy and therefore feel pretty good about myself. I watch what I eat, but there are no official "rules". I simply avoid shoving a mega-ton of crap into my face on a daily basis. (Weekly, maybe, but not daily.) I like my sweets and I eat them, but I like my veggies and I eat those too. I'm okay with my choices. I usually only feel like a loser when I haven't counteracted the crap with veggies or some type of - uh, what's that stuff called? Oh yeah. Exercise. None of this was a problem when I was a regular climbing gym-goer. I wa...

*Pushes door to walk out but it doesn't open* Stranger - "You gotta pull" Me -"Oh thanks. My next option was to lift from the bottom" via Ornate Signs Direct

Rolled or folded? I stared blankly at the nice lady with a confused smile on my face...I was experiencing a moment of sheer perplexity. My conversation at the till in a card and gift wrap shop at the mall had been very interesting and going well until it came to a sudden and abrupt halt. I was asked a question to which I was struggling to find an answer. The question was this… “Would you like your wrapping paper rolled or folded?” I'm sorry, what? Can you not start me off with something a bit easier like..."if a one legged hen laid an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to eat a packet of Skittles?" I felt unprepared for such an attack on my grey matter. After a long pause of bewilderment, and with a fleeting evil grin, I turned the question back onto her... "Well, I really don’t know. What would you recommend?" I could see her brain short circuit as she stood there with a blank, confused look. It appea...

Friday night we had an annual dinner for the Alpine Club. Food was fantastic, speaker was amazing kick ass woman climber that inspired me to get my ass back to the climbing gym!  Pretty Tree...too bad I disrespected her... You can dress us up pretty but we will still find a way to embarrass ourselves Sorry Tree...I simply could not resist. As always...I'm keepin it classy Saturday evening we had friends over for wine/cheese/Reel Rock movie night. The films were outstanding but I'm still convinced that Alex Honnold is absolutely insane! Honnold 3.0 - Reel Rock Tour 7 Sunday morning Pumpkin Banana Granola It was a pretty good weekend indeed. How was your weeken d?

Eight thousand seven hundred fifty five point eight one two hours hours ago we transferred two beautiful embryos .  Little did we know what was to follow... It was heartbreaking... But oh how far we've come in a year... Perhaps a year from this day the outcome will be very different. One Year by Romantica Home via Etsy

We finally did it...decorated our Christmas tree that is. The poor thing had been standing in the corner, pretty much naked with all of her branches hanging out wearing nothing but a star on her head for over a week. It was about time we showed some respect! This is our fifth Christmas as Janet & Adam (yes, Janet must always appear first when referring to us as a couple)  and we have yet to... a) Agree on a real tree versus an artificial tree b) How we would like said tree decorated c) The perfect location for the tree In short...we've both compromised on all three of these points and when I say "we" what I really mean is Adam seeing as this year and last years tree was artificial, decorated with my stuff and where I wanted it...but anyway...last night as I was putting the finishing touches on the tree, Adam excitedly remembered that he had some decorations in the basement in a bin. This was news to me and now I was interested. Downstairs he ran and ...

Broccoli: "I look like a tree"  Walnut: "I look like a brain"  Mushroom: "I look like an umbrella"  Banana: "Dude?!" Change the topic. One Banana by Dan Holm Photography via Etsy

The best and most important gift you can give anyone this holiday and any time of year...a hurting friend, your family, your spouse, the needy, the suffering, your best friend, your mother, your  co-workers , and the world around you ~ is what you have to give. Simple as that. My truth ~ I don't feel like I have anything to give.  Surgery was a month ago. We can start trying for baby JaAdam now . This should fill me with excitement...but it doesn't. Why am I feeling this way? Why, when opening the ovulation kit last week did I burst into tears?  Is it because this time last year I was on the cusp of our embryo transfer? This was the cycle where I did in fact, finally get pregnant. We were elated...Christmas was going to be amazing!  Oh how naive I was. Sadly, Christmas Eve brought the  devastating news that I was going to miscarry. Those nine days between that Saturday morning phone call and losing the pregnancy were horrific. I was sad, hurt an...

This weekend we spent some time at my sister's as well as making the trek into the Big City for the annual Adam's family Christmas get together. Sadly, we've missed the past couple of years...so I'm very happy that were able to make it this year.  As always, it was a pleasure to spend some time with family that we don't get to see often enough. Saturday morning peppermint mocha I love, love this family tradition! Everyone has their name attached to a ribbon that's attached to a bag of goodies in the box. On "Merry Christmas" everyone pulls their ribbon at the same time and out pops your bag of treats I woke up Sunday morning to this... So I crawled back into bed My brother in law hard at work in the pouring rain...mean while...Adam & my sister were hard at work shopping online Baron wonders "Are they shopping for my Christmas treats?" Wet drive home... Bubble baths and roaring fires...It feel...

“I give myself very good advice, but I very seldom follow it” This is one of my favourite quotes from Alice In Wonderland. It is a very special quote because it rings true in several areas of my life. I recently read Alice in Wonderland again, and afterwards watched the Disney version of the movie. If you've never watched it, I would suggest it. Sure there's a hookah-smoking Caterpillar, Alice eating mushrooms and chasing the White Rabbit, and what many would describe as psychedelic trips –  but there are quite a few lessons to be learned. Here are my favourites. Always Remain Calm - Alice falls down the rabbit hole and has no idea where she will end up, but she remains very calm. As you watch her descend, she never really seems to become unnerved. She even takes a moment to take in the oddness of the things around her. When faced with this matter she adapts quickly and forges forward into the unknown and rolls with the punches. ~ I need to remain calm this cycle. ...

Humans should be eternally grateful it wasn't me who was in Newton's place. If the apple hit me I'd be like "Nice!" & eat it. End of story.

I was at the mall the other day. Bad idea.  You see...I have been in a bit of a bubble all month and I was blissfully unaware that the Christmas shopping season had descended upon us. At any rate...I was there...at the mall when it happened. The Wedgie. I panicked a little on the inside before calming myself and regaining my senses. There must be a way out of this...I thought. "Think Janet" and I did... Here’s how you can pick your wedgie without detection. Change Your Stride - Pretend you’re doing some sort of stretching/lunging exercise and make your stride much longer than normal. People would never guess you had a wedgie, they would just think “Wow this person is really into working out while shopping. Look at that stride.” They’ll be amazed.  Another option is to make your stride extremely short, if you think that’s the best way to fix your dilemma. Going the short-stride route, however, might require a bit more creativity to make it l...

I'm still in a funny place. An unexplainable funk that I seem to have fallen into and one that is proving more difficult than I imaged to pull myself out of.  I'm not sure exactly why I'm in this place.  I have every reason to be feeling happy and optimistic. I'm healing quite nicely from surgery. Today is CD3 and we have the green light to try and conceive with this cycle. This should fill me with excitement but instead I seem to be feeling rather indifferent about the whole thing. It seems so odd to me that after all that we have been through - all the interventions and medical appointments - that we can now try to make a baby like any "normal" couple. This is so strange to me.  I'm sure this feeling will pass. It has to. It must. In the meantime.... It's starting to look a "little" like Christmas in the JaAdam household Tree is up...but tree is bare...perhaps I'll decorate her soon Sunday morning pumpki...

Happy Weekend!

Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can only be forgiven, not forgotten. You know when people say something hurtful without realizing...and you can't be mad at them because they genuinely didn't mean it the way it made you feel? Yeah..I hate that. I want to be mad at the person who just made me feel like absolute crap. But I know that they didn't mean for it to be hurtful to me. Ugh. And then I feel guilty for being mad at them for something they didn't mean to do. Does anyone else ever feel like this?

The sign at the coffee shop bathroom I stopped at this morning said...  "Employees must wash hands" I waited for them to come wash my hands for an hour. Nothing. So I left. via Alana Louise

*I'm in a weird place lately. I have no explanation. I'm all out of sorts. I hope to feel like me again soon. I will blog about recovery/next steps soon. It's been a much bigger struggle then I was prepared for. I'll get there. Just need time. So while I try and get back to being me and start talking again about the quest for baby JaAdam...I present to you...more of my nonsense* If you want to know a sentence that you can utter to make me automatically judge the type of human being you are, try this one on for size: “I don’t like the taste of water”. There are so many things wrong with this statement that I don’t know where to begin. It sends my mind reeling and truly baffles me. Please do me, you, and Mother Earth (love you, girl!) a favour and don’t even go there. Like, I'm sorry? Your body is 70% H2O. It needs water to function – from your immune system to your digestive tract to your skin, water is where it’s at. Don’t get me wrong – y’all know I love my soda ...

I've been thinking a lot about whether I'm shy or just awkward. Then I was like, “Don’t get down on yourself; you are more than just one thing, Janet! You are a multi-dimensional human being with lots of layers. Why limit yourself? You can be shy and awkward!” Figuring this out has been really great for me because I've been able to come up with a new phrase to describe myself: shawkward. I know it seems like a pretty simple concept. I know you’re all thinking, “Big deal, Janet, all you did was combine shy and awkward.” But I assure you it wasn't that easy, especially when you consider all of the ways I could've combined shy and awkward. There was shykward but that sounds too weird and I am not that weird. Then there was awkshard, which sounded disgusting and potentially painful. There was wardshy, which just sounded stupid. Not to mention awkshy, shwardy, and shyawk, all of which sound like bird noises and sorry, I don't particularly...

If I'm weird and crazy around you, that means I'm comfortable with you. Typography Print by Perfectus Prints via Etsy

I have this tendency to blush super easily. So easily in fact, that it’s really embarrassing. I will even blush even when I am not feeling embarrassed. What is that?! My awkwardness shows, and I don’t like it. Also, what the hey is up with blushing? Thanks body, thank you so much, for betraying my feelings to the world. If it was at least, I don’t know, an internal feeling of embarrassment that would be okay. It would be so nice if instead of getting a red face, you could just feel a burning in the pit of your stomach. Uncomfortable, yes, but everyone wouldn’t know that you’re uncomfortable. Of course, we would get off way too easy if that was the case. Some situations are awkward enough without the added bonus of the other person knowing that you’re embarrassed. Blushing is just life’s way of adding a little kick to humiliation. It’s like - wow, this is embarrassing, here’s some confirmation in tomato red…on your face! Props to actors and actresses that are constantly being asked emb...