On Demand

I find my life is not as easy as it could be. This is a problem because lately I'm lazy.

Here are my demands...

• My TV remote should sound an alarm when it's missing. Like, I should push a button on my fridge and then the remote will start beeping and then I just follow the beep and then I change channels at will. 
• My front door should be able to lock and unlock with my car lock clicker. This is especially important now that every trip out seems to involve some kind of buying of baby items and snacks and therefore...my hands are always full.
• My car should have an auto starter that will ensure the car is cool as a cucumber when I enter it. What century is this?
• My cats should feed themselves. 
• My PVR should have Siri. "Siri, record every episode of Big Brother UK no matter what channel it's on, no matter what time, no matter what. And then play it on my bathroom mirror while I'm in the shower."
• My bathtub drain should have an automatic "garborate the hair" setting. 
• My cats should scoop their own poop. Actually Adam is the poop scooper but he could scoop a little more often.
• My couch should convert to a massage table. And Adam should convert to a masseuse. 
• My house should have a laundry chute. Why don't houses have laundry chutes anymore? Climbing up and down two flights of stairs leaves me panting. This may be because my lungs are squished by my giant uterus or it could be that I'm totally out of shape. I'm going to go with option 1...squished by giant uterus.
• My house should have a chef. And a butler. And a maid. And a masseuse (see above). If you could pick one of these, which would it be? I'd pick chef. And butler. And maid. And of course masseuse.

What are your demands?

via Sebastien Millon