Tristis
Sadness is emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness, sorrow, and rage.
The days following the news that our precious embryos did not survive were hard...really hard but I was also surprised that after a day of tears (many, many tears), I picked myself up a little and did my best to be happy. We had a great weekend. We went to a movie, we had friends over for pizza & game night. It was good. I was happy.
And then the sadness hit me again.
And then the sadness hit me again.
I was thinking about the grief yesterday. And this morning, and most of the rest of my waking hours, actually. I was wondering why this pervasive sadness was back again, when not even getting to transfer after a cycle isn't really as bad as having a miscarriage, no matter how early that miscarriage was. And I realized, because I'm so bright that way, that the sadness is back because this isn't any different than the grief of the miscarriage. It's all one big bit of grief, which just goes on and on and on being sad.
I'm taking things one day at at time as that seems like the best course of action. I am also going to allow myself to do a couple of things...
I'm taking things one day at at time as that seems like the best course of action. I am also going to allow myself to do a couple of things...
- I'm going to allow myself to be sad. I'm concerned that trying to keep denying such feelings may force them underground, where they can do more damage with time. So I've decided that I'll cry if I feel like it and I'm hopeful that once I stop I'll notice hopeful relief after the tears.
- I'm going to plan a sadness day. In the coming days, I'm going to plan a day or evening just to be alone, listen to melancholy music, watch sappy movies and observe my thoughts and feelings. I've heard that planning time to be unhappy can actually feel good. It can help you ultimately move into a more happy mood.
That's the hope and that's my plan.
What do you do to to make yourself feel better when you're sad?
I think having a sadness day is a great idea. And do it as soon as possible. The sooner you can process all the grief you're dealing with, the sooner you can start to feel relief. I feel it's best to do this when I can be home by myself. Maybe take a day off work and then you can be alone?
ReplyDeleteI do the unhealthiest thing possible. I completely try to forget, ignore or just plainly try not to deal with the fact that I am sad and/or angry. This is something I am actively working to change.
ReplyDeleteThis ongoing grief is exactly what I'm afraid of. I'm not sure what I am going to do, to be honest.
ReplyDeleteI agree! Take some time for yourself. I think you just need the time to be sad in order to heal. When I am sad/sick..whatever my hubby helps me create a "nest". A bunch of warm blankets and pillows on the couch, favorite beverage or snack on hand and a bunch of good movies or books.
ReplyDeleteI either go with the 'sad' and pick all the movies guaranteed to make mush of me, curl up on the sofa and wallow in it (this requires copious amounts of junk food and blankets and many cups of tea and for me someone to share the sad with, one of my sisters or a good friend)or I just watch comedies and films from my youth so I am transported to a world where everything is laughs and fun or my younger years when this pain was miles away. The other thing I do is read. Read and read and read and read. Harry Potter or Tolkien preferably, something long enough to get totally lost in but with out any modern/real life messy stuff.
ReplyDeleteI read blogs of other women who have survived tragedy and I remind myself if they could do it - so can I.
ReplyDeleteI find that allowing myself to be sad and crying when I felt like crying helped me a lot when I miscarried. Don't bottle it up inside. Let it out. Hang in there. Things will get better
ReplyDeleteI tend to eat, which I know isn't good, but I also sleep cuddled up in warm things and cuddle my cats a lot.
ReplyDeleteYou're so right that the sadness of failed cycles is just like miscarriage... it's the loss of hope and the loss of potential. I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way. I need time alone on these days too and always feel better after a few tears and being able to sit with my sadness, rather than brush it away. Thinking of you xoxo
ReplyDeleteI've never had a miscarriage but I do know that a failed cycle hurts so so much. I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I also sometimes think that I'm doing better, that the sadness is going away and the next day, boom! it's right back :( But I also know that it will be gone eventually, nothing lasts forever. This too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteI hope you get feeling better soon. I think we can all relate to how you're feeling. I have good days and then some really, really horrible days and I think that is perfectly normal. I think that you have to allow yourself to feel every single thing you're feeling - sadness, anger, grief...it's not good to keep that stuff inside. Feel better soon!
ReplyDeleteLosing embryos must be just as painful as a miscarriage - I mean they were still parts of you and it must be just terrible. I think it's good to let yourself be sad rather than trying to avoid it. You will feel better eventually and I hope that is soon.
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