Just A Little Off Kilter....

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?  Because he had no body to dance with. Dancing Skeleton dictionary art page by Reimagination Prints via Etsy

Remember those pair of pants you bought that never fit you even though they seemed like they did in the store? You totally would have returned them, but you’re lazy and throwing money away is sort of a hobby of yours.  Then one night, at 12:15 a.m. you are digging through your closet to find something to wear to work as well as trying to find all of the elastic waisted pants you own, that you'll undoubtedly want to wear after the surgery you are having on Thursday, when you stumble across those pants and you think...maybe...and you try them on and they totally fit.  And you're not sure whether you should feel elation over not having to do laundry at one in the morning or depression over finally being fat enough to wear the pants that never fit you. Pants, Pants, Pants by Masgatos via Etsy

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s another tragic, yet trendy apocalyptic zombie attack! Zombies are everywhere, and with Halloween around the corner, their cultural relevance is about to hit harder than ever. I expect to see Facebook plastered with photos of zombie couples, zombies dressed like sexy versions of themselves and even a Zombie Honey Boo Boo or two. Why do we love zombies? They’re deformed and rude and they aren't the best listeners. But from Thriller to Magic: The Gathering to zombie 5ks, we can’t get enough of them. Death by the living dead is quickly becoming a commonly accepted way to go, and many believe when the time comes, they will be one of the few left standing. But if the zombie apocalypse is coming, rather than reading Flesh Eating for Dummies, I propose a simpler solution that will make a zombie apocalypse bearable. Let it happen. If zombies wiped out my family and friends and everyone I kind of want to have lunch with next week, I wouldn't s...

Take that iPhone 5...I beat you! Here is an "unstretched" version of my vlog. I'm happy. I was unhappy with the stretched Janet. It clearly was not a good look for me.

Happy Weekend Peoples!

I know, I know...bad Janet. After pulling my hair out and when all else failed, stomping like a child, I've finally been able to upload this damn vlog! However, I have not been able to figure out how NOT to stretch out the video. I swear to you, it looks just fine on my end but for whatever reason, when I upload it stretches it out and this annoys me so! I also discovered  a few things in the process: I discovered that I now hate my iPhone 5. You can suck it 5. I discovered that I miss my iPhone 4 terribly. I'm so sorry 4 for giving up on you. I've made a terrible mistake. Please forgive. I discovered that I say "Um" and "ridiculous" a lot. I discovered that being trapped in an elevator with Captain Tightpants & Cullen  Bohannan  just might be my version of heaven. I discovered that after hearing myself sing and  not  subjecting you to my awesome dance moves was the right decision. I discovered that Digital Media converter is actually qu...

I did it.  I taped my vlog. But it's trapped on my iPhone.  iPhone 5...why ya gotta be hatin? 4 was so nice to me. You...not so much. Argh! Does anyone know how to transfer video from the iPhone 5 to a PC and it what format it must be in?

For I have yet to upload my Vlog.  Now there is a very good reason why... I haven't yet videotaped it. Bad Janet. But I promise... It will be here soon. Vintage Movie Camera Print by The Light Fantastic via Etsy

I Janet, do solemnly swear that I will post my Stupid Stork video in an appropriate amount of time. Soon not only will you be able to read the crazy...you'll be able to see and hear the crazy. You're welcome.

This weekend we had the pleasure of attending a wedding. One of Adam's cousins was married. It was an eventful and amazing weekend.  Beautiful drive to my sister's place....I heart fall leaves After driving 2.5 hours Friday night, we realized that while packing that both of us had neglected to pack the garment bag that was on the bed. This bag...not only had my dress but Adam's dress shirt and pants for the wedding...oops! Do we drive home and then 5 hours to the wedding very early Saturday morning or do we buy new clothes? We woke up early Saturday morning, drove for an hour and stopped at a mall to buy new clothes for the wedding. This is me changing in a very tiny bathroom at a restaurant around the corner from the church 15 minutes before the wedding. This is the $20 dress that I bought in just a few minutes. Adam's outfit did not cost $20 but we're still smiling. The worst part about this...Thursday night we went shopping ...

What are you plans for the weekend?

Fear - noun - A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity. To me, the words ‘‘fear” and “surgery” are inextricably connected. Not only that, but hospital stays in general are full of unfamiliar experiences that I'm sure can easily jeopardize even the strongest sense of emotional well being. To be a patient in the modern age means to give up control and place yourself in the hands of another, whose job it is to lead you through the maze of treatment options and back to recovery. I trust that I'll be looked after, that I will be safe and alright. But... I'm incredibly fearful of my upcoming surgery. As the date gets closer, I find myself waking up at night thinking about it. I find it creeping into my day a...

Who invented hugs? I mean the first hug would have been sooo awkward.  "What are you doing, why are you holding me?"  "Shhh just trust me" Can I Have A Hug by Paintings Evolved via Etsy

You may recall that last month I molested a mannequin and I'm still not too sure just how I feel about it. It's not something that I'll soon be able to forget either as I pass her at least once a week when I treat myself to a take out lunch. I quicken my pace as I approach her store and I try not to make eye contact but there are moments when I look up and our eyes meet. She smiles, I blush as I look around for mall security convinced that I'll be recognized and immediately arrested.  The whole situation though has me thinking. How do they do it? I'm curious so I've written them a letter. Dear Sir or Madam (I have a sixth sense that the person who dresses mannequins for your nice clothing store is a lady, but as one should not make presumptions I shall not presume either way. And for what it’s worth I think men are equally as capable of dressing mannequins as women), How do you do it? I am, of course, referring to your ability to dress the headless manne...

This was going to be a post about my upcoming surgery but truthfully, I'm terrified and doing my best to try and not think about it. Perhaps I'll save that post for another day. To try and offset my fear and anxiety, I've been doing my best to talk/think about other things. Things such as laughter... I love to laugh. I know that probably sounds like the dumbest statement ever because you know, who doesn't and all, but I really, really love it. There’s nothing better than laughing so hard that there are tears rolling down your face and you can barely breathe. Most likely this happens over the littlest things but isn't that what humour is all about? The funniest stuff is often the realest; stuttering, clumsiness, terrible pranks? Count me in. One of my favourite things in the entire world is definitely that joyous creation known as the blooper reel. Gag reel, outtakes, call them what you like – it’s hilarious when people mess up. I often think about how m...

Happy Weekend

Despite my paranoia about foodborne illness, I will tear up some cake batter with wild abandon - an action done without concern or an action done carelessly/flippantly...according to Urban Dictionary. Not that I ever make them a whole lot, really, but when I do, roughly ¾ of said mix ends up in the oven while the rest ends up in my belly, raw eggs and all. It is delicious, although it’s not entirely nutritious. But who cares...Say yes to life! Some geniuses at a confectionery company have managed to master the whole "possibility of salmonella" predicament while keeping the cake batter goodness intact in candy form. Not to mention the fact that they've upped the ante by covering it in sprinkles. Whaaaat? I know, right. I discovered these little beauties hiding way up high on a shelf at the store the other day - this should have been my first warning - but no, I'm brave like that and was willing to try. I mean what could go wrong. Surely these were going to be as delig...

Adam wanted to talk to me about my immaturity, but he couldn't. He doesn't know the password to my secret fort. Overgrown Fort print by Gabriel Daniels via Etsy

Thirty seven. 37. Trente sept.  XXXVII. Age has been at the  forefront   of my life now more than ever. It seems to matter a whole lot more when you are trying to have a baby. Advanced maternal age is stamped all over my paperwork. It reminds me a little of the Scarlet letter but it makes me wonder... I wonder why  g rowing older got a bad rep somewhere along the way. Maybe it was the advancements in surgery or maybe it’s just having more limited definitions of beauty promoted on a larger scale, but aging has somehow become something to fight and deny. Our years  shouldn't  be something we dread or cover and resist. Age is life and it is who and where we are. To me, age goes hand in hand with understanding, experience, compassion and maturity. Every age is equally beautiful and at each age, our appearance shifts in diverse and special ways. I love silver hair and large wrinkly smiles. I think each age has its own palette and the worst thing a p...

I love my new skull tshirt  Lone tree, old fence - Odessa, Ontario Flying my freak flag...loud and proud! Wilton, Ontario A stop at Wilton Pottery on our way to Adam's Mom's for Thanksgiving. If you are ever out this way...you must visit Tights with built in socks...I'm in love! Adam's embarrassed that I caught him wearing a pink/grey scarf. I say "embrace you inner woman Adam"  Adam's Mom knit me this beautiful colorful scarf. It's perfectly me I heart fall trees Reallie plays soccer. Look out David Beckhamn! Fall really is the prettiest time of the year Scarfs also make great headwear Rockin silly socks How was your weekend? 

It was a beautiful Sunday, we were on our way home, we've passed this town hundreds of times and we finally decided to stop. I am so glad we did. I was kind of hoping this guy would give me a hug but alas...it was not meant to be...plus, I think he's married Fort Wellington in Prescott, ON on the St. Lawrence River...amazing This sure doesn't seem like a comfortable place to sleep Very cool fortification facing the river...also it was great for climbing Adam taking in the view of the St. Lawrence River Adam...that's a big axe you have there! Testing out my aim A climber will always find something to climb wherever they are...Fort Wellington was no exception  Sometimes we need to stop and appreciate the beauty that's all around us. Today was a beautiful day indeed.

What are you plans for the weekend?

We all have our life stories. We have who we knew, where we grew up, trouble we caused, fun we had, travels we made, and the dreams that act as the foundation for it all. My life story as of late has been my struggle for baby JaAdam. For many moons now, I've been on a quest to beat the clock and try to revive my ovaries from the dead. In that time...I've shed a lot of tears, and even laughter. A lot of laughter in fact. Mostly because I make terrible jokes, and now often at the expense of my fertility woes. I'm generally pretty good at making the best of a crappy situation. Finding the good in the bad. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those.... "Sometimes you think you're fine and then you're really not" days. Yeah - I thought I was okay. Kind of. Today that theory was proven as wrong. Kind of. I don't know. I just know that today I hate my body. Today is Cycle Day 8 and my clinic just emaile...

This is my new friend Guierrmo. Guierrmo lights up. I love Guierrmo.

It seems I face this difficult question every day of my life. Most of the time it’s okay: I’m with friends, I feel safe and I can usually make the right decision. It’s when I’m alone or with someone I’m trying to impress with my door opening skills that the problems begin. Here are some ways I’ve learned to avoid this dreaded situation. Pay Attention Always be on the look out for signs. Signs are the best! They tell you exactly what you need to do. Just remember to keep your head held high and your eyes open. Why, you ask? For one thing, you’ll look confident. But even more importantly, you’ll be able to read the sign. Signs are awesome. Signs are your friends.  Be Gentle If you aren’t 100% sure which way to open the door, try to check it out discreetly by gently pushing or pulling it. You’ve got a 50/50 chance, sure, but act like you aren’t even thinking about the odds. If you guess wrong, Do Not start crying! It will give you away. Just pretend you changed your mind about u...

Three and seven... Day 3 blood work 7 am Saturday morning. Four... 4 fun Halloween bottles. Everyone needs a little zombie juice,  spiders kiss, poison and let's not forget the vampire blood.  Two plus two...  2 cold feet plus 2 warm slippers...very lovely indeed. Two equals twenty... 2 wee pumpkins turned into 20 slivers of roasted pumpkin...oh yum! Twelve... 12 tiny spiders that I lovingly attached to my Mr. Spooky tree. I love him so. How was your weekend in numbers?