I Call Uncle

We all have our life stories.

We have who we knew, where we grew up, trouble we caused, fun we had, travels we made, and the dreams that act as the foundation for it all.

My life story as of late has been my struggle for baby JaAdam. For many moons now, I've been on a quest to beat the clock and try to revive my ovaries from the dead. In that time...I've shed a lot of tears, and even laughter. A lot of laughter in fact. Mostly because I make terrible jokes, and now often at the expense of my fertility woes. I'm generally pretty good at making the best of a crappy situation. Finding the good in the bad. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those....

"Sometimes you think you're fine and then you're really not" days.

Yeah - I thought I was okay. Kind of. Today that theory was proven as wrong. Kind of. I don't know. I just know that today I hate my body.

Today is Cycle Day 8 and my clinic just emailed me the results of my Day 3 blood work and Day 5 antral follicle count. As expected...less than stellar. Am I surprised? No. Was I hopeful? Yes.

Two months ago I had an AFC of 4. This month (after two months of DHEA) I have an AFC of 6. Slightly better yes, but my lining was 4.6 mm and that is pretty thick for Day 5 so it came as no surprise that my E2 came back at 118 and my FSH was 17. High E2 can suppress FSH which means there is a potential that it is in fact higher than 17. Argh.

Come on body...I am 37, not 47...so please kindly consider backing down. We need to find a way to coexist and hopefully get along. Truce?
I Call Uncle Truce greeting card by Cami's Paperie via Etsy 


Comments

  1. SilverdollarOctober 4, 2012 at 10:43 PM

    Ugh Janet, I'm sorry to hear this. My body seemed to reject the DHEA and it brought my follicle count down to scary crazy low numbers like 2. How I despised day 3 and those stupid day 3 tests. Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janet Off KilterOctober 9, 2012 at 8:02 PM

      I've been thinking about you and how amazing it is that you are expecting again. How are you feeling?

      Delete
  2. Just TOctober 5, 2012 at 9:50 AM

    Oh Janet I am sorry that you received such crappy news. What is the next step?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janet Off KilterOctober 9, 2012 at 8:04 PM

      Surgery on the 1st of November and we'll go from there I guess.

      Delete
  3. samsOctober 5, 2012 at 10:49 AM

    Ah, I'm so sorry yesterday was such a yucky day. I go through that sometimes too...I try to look on the bright side in every situation but sometimes I fail. Prayers to you that today is a better day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousOctober 6, 2012 at 9:09 PM

    Don't give up. I had an AFC of 4. After 4 months on DHEA, we did two back to back rounds of IVF getting 15 eggs in each go resulting in a total of 11 day-five blasts. On my second FET (4th transfer of two embryos) I got pregnant and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant and holding. The cycle before my successful transfer, my RE scratched the inner lining of the uterus. That is said to double the rate of pregnancy. It'll happen though I appreciate the difficulty of patience in this quest. We are entering our 7th year of TTC our first!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Janet Off KilterOctober 9, 2012 at 8:00 PM

      That's amazing...thank you for the hope...I needed it!

      Delete

Post a Comment

What are you thinking about? I'd love to hear what you have to say...

Popular posts from this blog

Keeping Secrets

Image
I've been keeping a secret. I'm not even going to make you wait. I'm just going to come out and say it. I really don't like when people say, "Hey, I have news" and then ramble on for fifteen minutes about how they didn't know how to tell you, and would you like the good news or the bad news first. I mean, if you don't know how to tell me, then maybe you should have thought about it a little bit more before you brought it up, because now I'm just sitting here waiting while you find the perfect words to share news that...let's be honest...probably doesn't impact me in the slightest. And as for the good news/bad news question? What do you think? If you're really asking, I'd rather not hear the bad news at all. Because who wants to hear bad news? Unless it's just "bad" relative to the good news, but not really all that bad in its own right, well then I guess I wouldn't mind hearing it. And I might like to hear it first...
Read more

Dilemma

Image
I’m having a bit of a dilemma. Which is putting it mildly. I am not sure whether to shut the factory down for good, or keep it chugging along in its pitiful, yet marginally functioning state. If things were normal, if *I* was normal (cue hysterical laughter here), then I might be happy to let things chug along as they were and see what happens. But things (my body and I) are far from normal and so I feel like I need to make a decision either way. Which really sucks and makes me feel a renewed sense of frustration, irritation and mourning for the sorry state of affairs of my reproductive bits. We recently had an appointment with our RE to discuss our options and see where we stand. It was great to touch base with Dr. L but as expected, nothing has really changed. My fertility has been on a fairly rapid decline and there's not much we can do to change that (FSH last tested at 20). It was good to hear that my tubes are open and that my uterus appears to be in good shape but despit...
Read more

Start Spreading The News...

Image
My trip to New York City was completely amazing but I'm not going to lie....the re-entry to life has been difficult this past two days. After 5 days away I thought I'd return refreshed and ready to jump back onto the work/life wagon...I was wrong. Is it Friday yet? The highlights of my trip were many. But first...I had a moment. When we made it to the hotel, the emotions that had been building the entire day and week came bursting out and I cried and cried. Oh, how I cried! Uncontrollable, sloppy, snotty bawling that pretty much claimed an entire box of tissues. You see, the morning that we left my period started...a full 5 days early. I was crushed. I was sure that this was THE cycle. My emotions got the better of me but I quickly re-grouped and a little voice chimed up saying, “Go splash water on your face and get out! Go and tackle your NYC bucket list head on” And tackle we did! In short, we took in two shows on Broadway, made a visit to the 9/11 Memorial, saw the Statue of...
Read more