FSH Ain't Nothing But A Number

For those of you playing along at home, here is the annotated version of last weeks results:

FSH: 20 - This is 3 points higher then it was five months ago. Dr. Google in his deep, authoritative voice, “Anything below 6 is excellent.”. We know 20 isn't good. Just like we knew that 17.91 and 17 weren't good.

 LH: 9.4 - Dr. Google shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “As you see here, I prefer an LH below 7. It was 6.96 five months ago.

TSH: 0.55 - The good Doctor gives a brisk nod...normal.

DHEA: 8.5 - A small smile appears at the corner of Dr. Google’s brow....normal.

E2: 118 - A small furrow appears on Dr. Google's brow "This is too high for Day 3" I do know that a high E2 level will artificially suppress FSH so my level of 20 in all likelihood is higher.

Day 5 Antral follicle count: 2. Yes, 2. This is 4 less than five months ago and for a 37 year old...it's dismal. 

Day 5 Endometrial thickness: 7.7mm. Way too thick for Day 5.

So there you have it. I'm not going to lie...I was hopeful that the 7 months of taking DHEA and CoQ10 were going to help improve things...even if it was just a little. I did however tell Adam that I had a pretty good feeling that my FSH was going to be higher and 20 was the number I had settled on. This somehow strikes me as amusing.

Honestly, after hearing said news, some of the spring seemed to have gone from my step...if you know what I mean. I was letting those damn numbers somehow define who I am as a woman. I was allowing those stupid numbers to hold such crippling power over me and it took these words from a very dear friend whom I love very much, to snap me out of it...

"Sometimes I worry that you are defining your self worth by your ability to procreate. I still love you, either way and so does everyone else".

 I am not the sum of my numbers. 

 I am Janet. 

 I am mighty and I am strong.


Comments

  1. Just TMarch 4, 2013 at 2:23 PM

    You absolutely are mighty and strong. I can show you story after story of woman who defined odds and got pregnant. You just need four things, which you have and can get a hold of:

    Uterus
    Tubes
    One Egg
    Sperm

    That is the making of a baby :) Sending you hugs and lots of them!

    ReplyDelete
  2. LaylarueMarch 4, 2013 at 4:43 PM

    You are not defined by your ability to reproduce. You are so much more than that. I honestly don't really know what all those number above mean, since I'm still waiting on mine, but I'm wishing you lots of luck with whatever your next step is! <3

    ReplyDelete
  3. AnonymousMarch 4, 2013 at 4:50 PM

    you are strong. you are doing this, and you are still fighting. i hope that pot of gold is somewhere close.

    ReplyDelete
  4. ChickenpigMarch 4, 2013 at 5:58 PM

    We are all greater than our numbers :) You are strong, you are smart, and you'll find a way to get where you need to be.

    ReplyDelete
  5. MariaMarch 4, 2013 at 11:40 PM

    your friend's words are so beautiful. so are you. sending love and keeping positive thoughts. <3<3<3
    maria

    ReplyDelete
  6. SadieMarch 5, 2013 at 5:32 AM

    We are greater than the sum of our numbers, but I struggle with those definitions of myself too, at times...You ARE mighty and strong, and you're doing this. Thinking and wishing good things for you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Non Sequitur ChicaMarch 5, 2013 at 6:21 PM

    I do my best to ignore my numbers because knowing how far away I am from normal is not going to help me stay positive. We are absolutely more than our numbers.

    ReplyDelete
  8. JenMarch 5, 2013 at 6:46 PM

    You most certainly are NOT the sum of your numbers. I recently posted on my blog that our existance is not the sum of his sperm and my eggs. I'm working on making THAT my mantra! Wishing you the best...

    ReplyDelete

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