On Demand
Remember the days when watching a movie required you to trek four miles through the snow, braving the blistering wind in order to get to this big concrete block-like structure called "abuilding", ironically named Blockbuster Video?
You'd spend hours roaming the endless isles of videos, cursing when the one you wanted was out of stock. You'd flip over the movie case and read the synopsis on the back. “That’s supposed to be really good,” your Manfriend would say. “I don’t remember seeing the previews,” you’d say and place it back on the shelf.
You'd grab a movie and hold on to it just because it was the only copy left and another couple was eyeing it. From one end of the New Releases to the other you'd go, up and down the Comedy, and Drama, and Action aisles. After much debating, sighing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, you and your Manfriend would finally decide on a movie and take it to the counter, only to discover neither one of you had your darn Blockbuster card. The Blockbuster employee would eye you like you've just committed a felony and ask for your I.D. They'd locate your account and tell you that you have twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents in late fees.
“Twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents!”
You’d haggle with them. Tell them they are mistaken. You know you weren't late in returning your last rental. Okay, maybe you were a little late, but not that late. You talk them down to twenty-six fifty. They'd ring you up for your movie, have the nerve to ask you if you'd like any popcorn, soda or snacks - you would, but you've spent all your money on late fees – and tell you the movie’s due two days from now before midnight. You’d walk through a metal detector looking thing and grab your movie.
You'd get home and pop in the video tape...or if you were technologically advanced, slide in the DVD...and snuggle with your Manfriend on the couch.
If it was a VHS you popped in, you’d fast forward through the previews, get annoyed at how long it was taking, hit stop on the VCR, then fast forward again and guess how long it would take to get to the beginning of the movie. After three tries, a quick rewind and another fast forward, you'd finally reach the opening credits.
If you slid in a DVD you’d bypass all this crap but were later slapped in the technologically superior face when the movie stopped or skipped, making you take it out, wipe the disc on your shirt and blow in the DVD player.
Finally, after you've gotten your PhD in movie watching or called in a rocket scientist for assistance, you were able to enjoy the movie. Fortunately, with the wonderful invention of On Demand, those painful days are over.
Some of you may be new to the process of “renting” movies ON DEMAND, so allow me, ever-helpful gal that I am, to share some tips (although I really don't think they're necessary – it is such an easy enjoyable experience).
Get comfortable with your Manfriend and hand him the suped-up remote control given to you by the cable company. He pushes the menu button, then selects the ON icon for ON DEMAND, then Movies, then All New Movies. And viola, you have access to all the movies you once had to follow the mile-long New Release wall to peruse.
Can’t remember what a particular movie was about? No problem. You can watch a preview... for FREE! And no more fighting teenagers for the last copy of The Hangover...there is an unlimited “supply” of any movie you want to watch.
What? You say you and your honey have gone through all the new movies and can’t find anything that suites your fancy? You’re missing the DRAMA, and COMEDY, and ACTION aisles of your old favorites or those once new releases that you never got to see? No problem! ON DEMAND has those movies too. And they're arranged in a variety of ways: alphabetical, date night movies, couples comedies, animated heroes, alien invasions, based on bestsellers.
You and your ManFriend could spend hours going through the hundreds upon hundreds of movies. And you do. After watching fifteen previews in All New Movies, you decide to check out the other movie categories. You want to watch an old favorite. Your ManFriend wants to watch something you've never seen before. You watch ten more previews.
Over an hour has passed since you and your ManFriend decided to watch a movie and got comfy and snuggled on the couch.
You decide to go back to All New Movies.
Together you spend the next 30 minutes trying to agree on something to watch. You can't agree. You both get frustrate. Then bored and toss the remote onto the couch and declare that we'll just go to bed and read instead.
ON DEMAND – the new age of movie-watching. You’re gonna love it.
You'd spend hours roaming the endless isles of videos, cursing when the one you wanted was out of stock. You'd flip over the movie case and read the synopsis on the back. “That’s supposed to be really good,” your Manfriend would say. “I don’t remember seeing the previews,” you’d say and place it back on the shelf.
You'd grab a movie and hold on to it just because it was the only copy left and another couple was eyeing it. From one end of the New Releases to the other you'd go, up and down the Comedy, and Drama, and Action aisles. After much debating, sighing, moaning and gnashing of teeth, you and your Manfriend would finally decide on a movie and take it to the counter, only to discover neither one of you had your darn Blockbuster card. The Blockbuster employee would eye you like you've just committed a felony and ask for your I.D. They'd locate your account and tell you that you have twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents in late fees.
“Twenty-seven dollars and fifty cents!”
You’d haggle with them. Tell them they are mistaken. You know you weren't late in returning your last rental. Okay, maybe you were a little late, but not that late. You talk them down to twenty-six fifty. They'd ring you up for your movie, have the nerve to ask you if you'd like any popcorn, soda or snacks - you would, but you've spent all your money on late fees – and tell you the movie’s due two days from now before midnight. You’d walk through a metal detector looking thing and grab your movie.
You'd get home and pop in the video tape...or if you were technologically advanced, slide in the DVD...and snuggle with your Manfriend on the couch.
If it was a VHS you popped in, you’d fast forward through the previews, get annoyed at how long it was taking, hit stop on the VCR, then fast forward again and guess how long it would take to get to the beginning of the movie. After three tries, a quick rewind and another fast forward, you'd finally reach the opening credits.
If you slid in a DVD you’d bypass all this crap but were later slapped in the technologically superior face when the movie stopped or skipped, making you take it out, wipe the disc on your shirt and blow in the DVD player.
Finally, after you've gotten your PhD in movie watching or called in a rocket scientist for assistance, you were able to enjoy the movie. Fortunately, with the wonderful invention of On Demand, those painful days are over.
Some of you may be new to the process of “renting” movies ON DEMAND, so allow me, ever-helpful gal that I am, to share some tips (although I really don't think they're necessary – it is such an easy enjoyable experience).
Get comfortable with your Manfriend and hand him the suped-up remote control given to you by the cable company. He pushes the menu button, then selects the ON icon for ON DEMAND, then Movies, then All New Movies. And viola, you have access to all the movies you once had to follow the mile-long New Release wall to peruse.
Can’t remember what a particular movie was about? No problem. You can watch a preview... for FREE! And no more fighting teenagers for the last copy of The Hangover...there is an unlimited “supply” of any movie you want to watch.
What? You say you and your honey have gone through all the new movies and can’t find anything that suites your fancy? You’re missing the DRAMA, and COMEDY, and ACTION aisles of your old favorites or those once new releases that you never got to see? No problem! ON DEMAND has those movies too. And they're arranged in a variety of ways: alphabetical, date night movies, couples comedies, animated heroes, alien invasions, based on bestsellers.
You and your ManFriend could spend hours going through the hundreds upon hundreds of movies. And you do. After watching fifteen previews in All New Movies, you decide to check out the other movie categories. You want to watch an old favorite. Your ManFriend wants to watch something you've never seen before. You watch ten more previews.
Over an hour has passed since you and your ManFriend decided to watch a movie and got comfy and snuggled on the couch.
You decide to go back to All New Movies.
Together you spend the next 30 minutes trying to agree on something to watch. You can't agree. You both get frustrate. Then bored and toss the remote onto the couch and declare that we'll just go to bed and read instead.
ON DEMAND – the new age of movie-watching. You’re gonna love it.
Hahaha this is so true!!! I have never actually rented through OnDemand, though, can you believe it? But looking at Netflix is pretty similar.
ReplyDeleteHA! This is awesome. So true. Except in our version we switch over to Netflix and stream Archer.
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny Janet. This is all so true!
ReplyDelete