Survival & Strength

There were tears...many, many tears...but I survived Christmas.

It's been a week since my positive home pregnancy test and one week later, it's still positive and I am as confused as ever. Last Friday my beta was 41 and the Dr. told me it was likely a chemical pregnancy. Devastating news. At this point I guess I expected the HPT to show a clear negative seeing as my beta was low and should have drop off fairly quickly. In an ideal "non Christmas" month, I would have had another blood draw today to see where my levels are at but...I have to wait until January 3rd for that to happen. Do I continue to take a HPT? At this point, seeing the positive is almost worst than seeing a negative is that makes any sense at all! It's frustrating not knowing what is going on inside my body. There was a baby in there but now there isn't...or is there? And here I thought that I already had the hardest part behind me. Silly girl.

While I am very sad and my Christmas did not turn out the way that I thought it would...I do know this...

I am an incredibly fortunate woman. I have an amazing family, a loving and supportive partner and I am surrounded by much love and support. This is not lost on me. Thank you to each and every one of you that has shown me such amazing support. Your comments and well wishes have helped to lift me up and make me stronger and for that I am incredibly grateful. 

What will be...will be...and I have the strength to get through anything. 

Strength by Alpha NUMERIC Photo via Etsy


Comments

  1. waiting and wishingDecember 27, 2011 at 11:35 AM

    So frustrating. I'm sorry you have to wait until the 3rd to hear anything more. Thinking of you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Cornfed FeministDecember 27, 2011 at 4:35 PM

    You are so strong! If it was me, I would keep testing to be semi-prepared for news on the 3rd. Do whatever you feel like. Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Janet Off KilterDecember 27, 2011 at 5:20 PM

    Thanks for the support! Tested again this afternoon...still positive. In fact, line is darker than it was yesterday. I am so confused!

    ReplyDelete
  4. JanDecember 27, 2011 at 9:01 PM

    I think you said it best... what will be will be... from reading I have read that you will still get positive results from anywhere from a few days to a week to 3 weeks is the longest I have read. Can I lie and say I hope that your HCG levels were just playing with you and you still are pregnant, no because that would be a lie..of course that is what I am still hoping!! Whatever happens I will continue to follow this journey with you and can't wait until you hold a little newborn bundle in your arms...because I know you will!! It may not be this cycle...but you will!! huggles xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. JanDecember 27, 2011 at 9:02 PM

    by the way.. how is Adam?

    ReplyDelete

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