Bringing Sexy Back

Viewer Discretion Is Advised - Family members, especially those of the mother and mother-in-law type, might want to skip this one. Consider yourself warned.

I used to want to have sex. A lot. The important word here being "used to". Ah, the good ol' days. Recently, however, it seems that watching American Idol - or watching the kettle boil - are more appealing options than getting it on. Whatever happened to that sexy, flirtatious girl? Two words - fertility treatments.

Eight months of treatment have left me with a list of things that are wholly unsexy about infertility treatments:
  • Bloating. Nothing like trying to feel attractive when you have an empty hostile uterus but look 4 months pregnant. Every guy's dream, no!
  • Public Vagina. Now, my vagina isn't as public as say, a prostitute or a smelly pirate hooker...But still. I find it a little hard to get in the mood after every-other day violations with the ultrasound wand. And I won't even get started on the gel.
  • Strange Discharge. Yeah, the massive amounts of estrogen make for some interesting bathroom discoveries. I don't know about all of you, but I'd prefer to keep those discoveries out of the bedroom.
  • Prick Marks. That sounds dirtier than what I really mean...but your once (sort of) smooth belly takes on the look of a pin cushion. Again, not traditionally sexy, but maybe you're into that? 
  • Progesterone Suppositories. Trust me, nobody wants to get down with that!
  • Sore booty. Nothing like screaming after a little bootie love slap. "OW! Dammit, don't touch that. It's sore from the shots" Pretty hot hey?
  • Ugly Skin. Ah, the joys of fertility drugs. Zits, dry skin, weird bumps, bruises, etc. I can't remember when I've ever felt uglier in my entire life. Okay, there was that time in 7th Grade when my sister dyed my hair and I had eye glasses with lenses the size of dinner plates. 

What can you add to the list? What do you find to be unsexy about infertility? and more importantly...what do you do to keep the sexy alive? I'm all ears...I need all the help I can get!




Comments

  1. LunaFebruary 28, 2012 at 10:56 AM

    I have yet to get to any of these treatments, but already I don't feel the same sexy woman I used to.

    There is not much sexy about a sobbing, sniveling snotty mess who just wants to get into their pajamas and curl into a ball.

    Associating sex with an attempt to make a baby which will probably fail and AF will be coming once again. How does one dissociate that kind of thing?

    Inserting a soft cup and sticking your bum in the air for half an hour and always having to reach for the pre-seed!

    I have an extra challenge - we have male factor, that is not tailored to make your man feel great about the baby dance and his virility.

    I actually had half a post drafted about this, I am on a mission to work out how I can turn it around, and do just what you say - Bring the Sexy Back!

    ReplyDelete
  2. waiting and wishingFebruary 28, 2012 at 10:59 AM

    Sexy is DEAD at our house. Unfortunately sexy doesn't quickly return once you reach pregnancy- maybe you feel a little better about your bloated body, but then come the irrational fears about something happening if you have sex. I'm fairly certain my husband may die.
    Also, that gel, oh that gel. When I had my first ultrasound I decided it would be best if I didn't pay a ton of attention to what was going on. Then later I was fairly certain I had some sort of disease when blue goo started coming out of me.... so gross!

    ReplyDelete
  3. newbieFebruary 28, 2012 at 1:38 PM

    I don't know if I have anything to add - I think you just about covered it! There's been no sexy for me and hubby for at least a couple of years now - trying to have a baby totally kills it. Ah, the joys of IF...if it's not one thing, it's another!

    ReplyDelete
  4. khariniFebruary 28, 2012 at 3:22 PM

    What are we talking about here? Can't even remember! ha! Those days are so long gone. BUT I'm determined, after all this is over with I am getting back into my skinny jeans no matter what. Feeling fat is the worse!

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousFebruary 28, 2012 at 7:16 PM

    And this is why I love your blog. In one posting you sum up exactly how I am feeling and that is only after two IVF rounds and an early miscarriage (at the same time as yours). I have to send this to my husband! We have definitely not kept the sexy alive but then again we are not allowed to have sex during the TWW after embryo transfer. Anyway, love the post, love the blog.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Mrs. FFebruary 28, 2012 at 8:08 PM

    Great list! Was just talking about this with GF who has two kids. She didn't have fertility problems, but apparently kids take all the sexy out of marriage too. Her solution:

    To Hubby, between TV shows: "Hey, whatcha doin' for the next 10 minutes?
    Hubby: "Nothin'"
    Her: "Wanna have sex?"
    Hubby: "Ok"

    Personally, I haven't tried it yet. Sore boobies, bloated & gassy. Sex? No, thank you!

    ReplyDelete

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