CMYK

I stopped at Walmart on my way home to pick up an ovulation test kit and I happened across a display promoting these...

This scenario for a commercial popped into my head...

“I call purple!” is surely a line of dialogue for when they said commercial for these fun tampons. It will likely feature four 13 year-old girls running toward the box of tampons like it’s a box of One Directioners. Each girl will wear the color of the tampon they’ll be racing towards. These girls are stylish and the tampons are, too! I predict texting and laughing and Yellow Girl teasing Hot Pink Girl about Harry. But in the end, it’s just that. Teasing. Because these four girls are besties. Besties with style. And they’ve got the tampons to show it. They’ll protect each other just like these tampons will protect them.

Things that are actually written on this print ad...

• Great protection just got better looking.
• Introducing this season’s hottest colors from U by Kotex.
• Break The Cycle.

 Things that I would like to add to this print ad...

• These tampons look like popsicles.
• The inside of your vagina will thank you for adding some color to its life! 
• Pictured L-R: Miranda, Samantha, Carrie & Charlotte.

I like colorful stuff, you guys. I also like style. But I don’t want someone to ask me if they can borrow a tampon and someone else to ask me if they can borrow a highlighter – and be able to hand over any one of these for either occasion.

I'm thinking you don’t have to convince girls to buy tampons. They’re a necessity so this ad seems rather unnecessary to me.

Or...

Maybe this is genius. Just maybe it makes cramps feel a bit more cool and hip. 

Look, I get it. There are a few different brands in the tampon game. Did I write this post so I could say, “in the tampon game”? Hell. Yes. Kotex is definitely one of the major players. Needless to say, there a few different companies (Kotex, Playtex, Tampax) and I understand that there’s competition and as with all brands, you need to find a way to sell more of yours than they do of theirs. It just amuses me to no end that they’re designing something that when you actually use it, you don’t see it at all. I didn't go to Medical School, but I can confidently tell you that if you do see the colorful tampon when you actually use it, you’re using it wrong. I get frustrated when companies dumb girls down and think we’ll go for the hip tampons that look like they might or might not be a pack of Tropical Lifesavers. And then I get even more frustrated when a big part of me knows that many girls will absolutely buy these.

Advertise about improved comfort. Advertise that due to a new design, they’re now more effective. But neon for the sake of neon, not because they are pretty colors.

Full disclosure: perhaps soon I will be buying these Party ‘Pons. Because I want to hang with the cool girls.