Withdrawing

That’s kind of what I’ve felt like doing lately. Why? Good question.

I think part of it is that there’s a lot going on in my little corner of the world, lots of upsetting circumstances, disappointments and heartache. Thankfully none of it is life shattering and I am always aware that...all things considered...I have a very good life indeed. I am fortunate and blessed and this is never, ever lost on me.

I tend to be the type of person who easily absorbs and is affected by others energy. That’s to say, that if I’m around someone who’s happy and has a great outlook on life, it will rub off on me. If I’m around someone who’s hurting and down, that will rub off on me as well. I also tend to be someone whom others seek out to talk to, to share with. And I do enjoy being there for others and helping them if I can. However, over the years I've learned that I have to keep some boundaries in place or else I will find myself completely drained and I’ll have nothing left to give. I need to make sure I take the time and space to recharge. And while I enjoy being able to offer support to others, I sometimes have trouble reaching out for the same kind of support. There aren't too many people in my life that I really open up to and even then I will sometimes choose to withdraw into myself rather than seek them out.

In my life outside of blogland I’m often perceived to be an extrovert (I have no idea what people’s perceptions of me are inside of blogland really), when the reality is I’m more of an introvert...I think...some may disagree.

Anyway, I think really what I’ve been trying to achieve lately is some sense of balance. It’s not something that comes naturally to me. I’m such an all or nothing person in a lot of ways. Moderation? What’s that? And why is it a good thing exactly?

I tend to go all in and then at some point retreat completely. And I’ve been tempted to retreat lately, to withdraw. It’s not always a bad thing actually. Sometimes I just need some time to process things or to recharge. But other times it’s not so healthy. I can get into a rut and keep myself out of the game for too long sometimes. I can get a bit lost inside my head I’m afraid. And I suppose that’s at least part of why I’m writing this blog post, to acknowledge how I'm feeling and keep myself from withdrawing. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing. For example, I don’t have to write a blog post every day and read and comment on a bunch of blogs every day. I can write when I feel like it, when I have something to say or share or think through or babble on incessantly about. And I can read what I want, when I want. Balance is a good thing…right...a worthwhile goal?

I say yes. I'll find my balance...I always do.

Balance by Matt Edward via Etsy