Here’s something I learned...I can only ask my wee son, “Do you need a Kleenex?” twenty three times within a four hour period before I give up.

Lochlan inherited a clean nose obsession from me. If I feel anything clinging or flapping around in there like a sad little prisoner, I can do nothing else until I free it. Usually I blow it into a Kleenex, but sometimes I pick my nose because I’m a grown ass woman who can do whatever she wants while sitting at a red light or standing in line at Walmart.

I don’t carry around a handkerchief because who wants a 14 square foot piece of cloth smattered with nasal goop in her purse? Also, I’m not eighty four years old. I recently watched a older woman (who I'm guessing was about eighty four years old) pluck a fairly used and tattered looking tissue out from inside the sleeve of her shirt that appeared like it was nestled comfortably against her wrist and I’m still upset about it. When I see a guy pull out a “hanky,” toot his giant man nose, and then stuff it back into his pocket, I think, “Why not do the same thing with toilet paper, you frightening maniac?”

Of course I’m wrong about all this, but it’s just one of the many ridiculous opinions I hold onto that makes me a precious snowflake.

So my three year old son picks his nose. I know I know, but look...it’s hard enough to keep your three year old from doing things you don't when him to do, especially when you make a big deal out of it. It's kind of like when someone tells me I can't do something...it just drives me to NEED to do that thing I'm not supposed to do.

When my kid has his finger in his nose...and my kid is really really cute so it’s not gross...really...I say, “Lochlan, please stop picking your nose”, he responds with “But I have a boogie.”

“Can I get you a Kleenex?” I ask.

“No thank you mama.”

Well, okay then, I guess you have this all figured out and I'll just commit to washing your clothes more frequently and making sure you use extra hand sanitizer when we go out in public.

I have to pick my battles as a parent and I think it’s best if I abdicate this one to his teacher and peers at daycare.


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