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Showing posts from 2017

Funny Face Friday

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Enjoy your weekend!

Kleenex?

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Here’s something I learned...I can only ask my wee son, “Do you need a Kleenex?” twenty three times within a four hour period before I give up.

Lochlan inherited a clean nose obsession from me. If I feel anything clinging or flapping around in there like a sad little prisoner, I can do nothing else until I free it. Usually I blow it into a Kleenex, but sometimes I pick my nose because I’m a grown ass woman who can do whatever she wants while sitting at a red light or standing in line at Walmart.

I don’t carry around a handkerchief because who wants a 14 square foot piece of cloth smattered with nasal goop in her purse? Also, I’m not eighty four years old. I recently watched a older woman (who I'm guessing was about eighty four years old) pluck a fairly used and tattered looking tissue out from inside the sleeve of her shirt that appeared like it was nestled comfortably against her wrist and I’m still upset about it. When I see a guy pull out a “hanky,” toot his giant man nose, and …

Reading, Darllen, Lecture, Läsning

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Reading to your child is one of life’s greatest gifts. But sometimes, as a result of fatigue, even a sweet opportunity can feel like a curse. Consider the following questions...
Have you read your child’s favorite book a hundred times? Is it making you insane? Do you frequently get caught trying to skip pages so you can get downstairs and eat a Beyond the Batter cupcake while watching Big brother? You’re not alone. Here are a few tools needed to turn a twenty two page story into an 11 page story. The Two Page Turn Children are extremely susceptible to slight of hand. Make use of it. While holding a book with your left hand, use the index finger, middle finger and thumb of your right hand to prep the next two pages. This will make the subsequent page flip appear seamless...like magic. And what kid doesn’t like magic? Warning...be ready to provide connective text to maintain the integrity of the story. “And then Chase tripped over a barrel of sandwiches, causing the kitty's mask to fal…

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

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I could communicate with a pod of dolphins via the clicking and popping sounds my body now makes in the morning when I get out of bed.

And Just Like That He's Three

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Dear Lochlan,

Today you turn three years old, and it's hard for me to believe where the years have gone. It's been...

94,780,800 seconds
1,579,680 minutes
26,328 hours
1097 days
156 weeks and 5 days

since the day you were born and I still remember delivering you in the hospital and seeing your big beautiful eyes look into mine for the very first time. "Hi Little Loch," I said with tears in my eyes, "I'm your mama. It's so nice to meet you!"

I remember being so worried about giving you love and attention around the clock and instilling good eating habits for later on in life. We sang songs, danced around the house, read books, played peek-a-boo. Those were the days that you relied on me for everything...

Now you're three years-old and have become quite the independent little boy. You look in the refrigerator to grab your own food when you're hungry (even if mom doesn't approve of your first choice), you insist on climbing the stairs all by y…

Curious George is Sweet & Curious...Right?

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Old-school fairy tales are terrifying.

An evil witch has an appetite for children. A mean lady is trying to kill the nice princess. All of the moms die and are replaced by evil stepmothers. Since our son Lochlan is just about three (big day is tomorrow), we are still trying to avoid these types of plotlines. Enter, Curious George. Loch has a deep affection for this little monkey. George is sweet and curious and likes to get into mischief, all of which I believe Lochlan identifies with on a personal level.

George takes over a pancake breakfast. So cute!

George accidentally let the baby bunny out of her cage. Adorable!

On a recent gander at my neighborhood Buy Nothing group , someone was giving away a box of vintage George books (circa late 1960s) and I snapped them up. I mean, Lochlan loves this curious little monkey. Once I had a chance to look at the books, I have to admit, I was surprised with the darker, tragedy laden, C.G. experience that I was unaware of.

Curious George Goes to th…

On The Brain

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I follow Lochlan as he runs into the bathroom. He has the awkward, unmistakable gait that accompanies an impending poop.

ME
Do you need some help with your pants?

LOCHLAN
Please! Hurry Mama!

ME
There you go.

Lochlan sits on the toilet, very still. He stares into the middle distance.

ME
Loch? Everything alright?

LOCHLAN
Mmm.

ME
Where’s your poo?

LOCHLAN
It’s nowhere.

ME
Nowhere?

LOCHLAN
I think it went back down to my brain.

Okay then.


The Deal

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Before long, we learn that in this life, we are not here forever. We learn through the changing of seasons, the loss of our pets in childhood, the death of a loved one. We have no guarantee of numbers. So many days under the sun or drizzly afternoons spent gazing out windows. We think they are infinite but they are not. One will be the last. And this is not the hardest part. The hardest is knowing those we cherish will share our fate; we can make no deal to change that.

We grow up when we know this. And this is the deal we get to be here. We don't ask, yet are given opportunity to love, to embrace, to wonder and be scared, to scream and kiss and run and lie still in the cool grass under the flickering stars on a cool evening. We go through this time, galloping or whispering across the years, with a vague knowledge of the end. We are born to love feverishly. To anguish and rebound. To flourish. We are born for each other.

It matters little where or when or how we are here. Our hearts…

Not an Option

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“How about We are the Champions?” he asks.

“Loch, I’m a little tired of listening to Queen. Is there something else you’d like to hear?” I say, glancing at him in the rearview mirror.

“How about Billy Idol?” he asks.

“You got it,” I say, tuning to track one on the album and turning up the volume.

I knew some day my son would start bossing me around, but I wasn’t prepared for it to happen before three.

He sits back there in his car seat, singing along, pausing to point out every truck, excavator, dump truck, and city bus (articulated and regular, the difference is important) along our route, happy until he decides that he’d like to listen to "Somebody to Love" like now.

Before the age of eighteen months, Lochlan didn’t have much in the way of opinions, aside from his disdain for tummy time, store bought milk, and socks. Except for the 27-pound stroller, the bulky infant car seat, and a bag filled with supplies we might need during a one-hour shopping trip to the mall, it was easy t…

Two Pigeons

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I’m not terribly skilled in the art of social graces. Well, hang on. Let me be clear. I’m definitely not a public belcher, farter or nose picker. I also know which fork to use and that one should eat with one’s mouth closed. So I get the basics right. But it’s the art of greeting people that has me in a flap lately...especially when an unexpected double kiss left me reeling like a newborn deer in high heels on a frozen pond.

On greeting the unbeknown double kisser, I went in for the humble single cheek peck. The airy kind, nice and dry, accompanied by the ‘gentle hand on one shoulder’ move, more for the sake of keeping my balance than anything else. Single cheek peck completed, I pulled away from the unbeknown double kisser, re-centering my balance.But then I saw his face coming towards me again.

For a moment, time stood still as I registered what was happening. The unbeknown double kisser hovered awkwardly on his front foot, his second cheek presented, patiently waiting for me to fini…

Five Reasons Why

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If one more of my friend tells me they need to lose weight now I will slap them... with love, of course. Because I just want to shake them (with love) and tell them, “Do you not need to lose weight. You're beautiful!” And I would shout this (with love), from the rooftops.

If you want to lose weight for health reasons, then go ahead. My point is that no one should feel that they have to, simply because we're in the midst of bathing suit season. Can you imagine if we all just said, “screw it, we’re fabulous” and didn’t get in “bikini body shape?” It would be awesome.

Because think of all the amazing things it can do for you
It walks. It dances. It runs. It digests food for you. It lets you dream. It gives you eyelids so you don’t have stuff stuck in your eyes all the time. Sounds way basic, huh? Who cares. You have to start appreciating your body somewhere. Appreciate your arms and your legs, because some people don’t have those, and would kill for your arms that you dislike for be…

Forty Seven

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Today is my parents 47th wedding anniversary. That’s right. For forty seven years they have been roommates, confidants, companions, shopping buddies, travel partners, support-systems, and teammates. In short, they are the best kind of best friends.

They raised five children, watched eight grandchildren grow from infants to self-sufficient young adults and one awesome little toddler, and they love to visit with and hear stories about their grandchildren. They are the centerpiece of every family gathering. All of the joy and generosity they put into loving all of us has multiplied exponentially, trickling down to our youngest family member, who often says:

“We FaceTime Nanny and Poppy now!”

As a unit, they have an awesome power. I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t smile at the sound of their names or who doesn’t think they are just the greatest. They are a fixture of most of my happiest memories, and they are often the source of some of the funniest stories I have to tell. They are aff…

Forty Two Years

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Since it’s my birthday today, I figured I’d compile a little list of just a few of the most important things I’ve learned thus far in my forty two years.

So here’s what I got...

You are going to get criticized no matter what you do, so do your thing.
Honestly, this is number one for a reason. No matter where I’ve been in life, people have criticized me. If I had listened to every piece of negative feedback, I’d be like sitting in a dark cellar counting flies on the wall, drooling. We’ve all been criticized at one time or another. You have to do what you have do, and either way someone, somewhere will have something to say. If you don’t want to be criticized, say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.

There is no such things as fair or unfair.
Things are what they are. I keep the words ‘fair’ and ‘unfair’ out of my vocabulary. You make your own life, your own destiny, and your own future. You can get what you can get, or you don’t. Life isn’t fair or unfair, unless you cultivate that. Focus on mo…

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

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A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.


Someone...Anyone?

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Some time ago, I declared my love for snacks and while poking around on Etsy for a picture of a snack or snack related item I stumbled upon this...

Would someone please, please tell me how this image is related to a snack? All I can think and imagine when I see this image is...

 "Can't sleep, clowns will eat me"

Am I the snack? Will the clown eat me as a snack?

Shudder. What makes you shudder?


(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

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If you need me, I'll always be stuck behind the person who doesn't know how to use the self-checkout aisle.



My Darling Boy

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How is it possible that, in just a couple of months you will be three. How could time move so fast? When I see you dancing and playing and singing and talking now, it is hard to believe that you were once the tiny baby I held in my arms. And back then, when I fell for you, I never imagined that I could adore you even more than I did in those first moments. But, I do. The more I watch you grow and develop, the more enamored I become with you. You are filled with energy and enthusiasm. I think you could spend an entire day jumping up and down with only small breaks for eating and napping. You love music, and when you hear a song you like, you will ask me to dance (which is surprising given my very poor dancing skills) . Then, when it’s over, you will clap your hands and say: “Yay! Good song!” You’re also a performer who does not mind an audience. You love vehicles of every variety, including but not limited to cars, trucks, airplanes, helicopters, and trains. At every opportunity, you …

Lochlan Reclining

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The potty training is oh so rewarding. Progress has been made and Lochlan is now potty trained both day and night. Our boy is a tiny potty using machine. One of Loch's favorite benefits of this new big boy underpants arrangement is his unprecedented easy access to his nether regions.

LOCHLAN RECLINING

(8:20 PM - Lochlan is relaxing on his bed as I retrieve book number seven. One of his hands rests casually inside of his pants. I enter from the hallway).

ME
What’s going on there buddy?

LOCH
I have my hand on my balls.

ME
Oh?

LOCH
(whispers)
They are very fragile.



Damn Good One

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In the past couple of weeks, I’ve come across quite a few articles/stories wherein the mom/authors fess up to their mediocre parenting skills and while I admire the authors’ candid confessions, most of all because being average is not something about which any of us should be ashamed. Everybody can’t be excellent because then excellence would be the norm, and we all know that no one and nothing is perfect. If we could all agree that average is okay, then we could stop all the judging and insecurities and anxieties and just relax. Raising kids is tough for everyone, so why all the pretending like it isn’t?

But as much as I appreciate the " I still have my baby weight and sometimes I spend too much time on my phone and also kind of lose my cool in public when my kids are behaving like animals", honesty, I also feel like the writers of those articles/stories (and all other parents out there) need to give themselves a big, fat break.

And here’s why...


You’re all damn good moms.

Y…

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

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If there's another explanation for my gray hairs other than I'm turning into a polar bear, I don't want to hear it. Please don't ruin this for me.









Things To Remember

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As I look back on my life, I realize that many of the times I thought I was being rejected from someone or something I wanted, I was in fact being redirected to someone or something that I needed but seeing this when you’re in the midst of feeling rejected, however, is quite tough. I know because I’m there. As soon as someone critiques, criticizes, and pushes you away...as soon as you are rejected...you find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I’m not worthy.” What you need to realize is, the other person or situation is not worthy of you and your particular journey. What I've learned in my forty one (soon to be forty two years) is that rejection is necessary medicine. It teaches you how to reject relationships and opportunities that aren’t going to work, so you can find the right ones that will. It doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough; it just means someone else failed to notice what you have to offer. Which means you now have more time to improve yourself and expl…

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

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Just once, I'd like to open up my refrigerator and find cartoon versions of my favorite foods arguing over which one of them is healthier.


Cereal With Your Sugar

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I’m sure most people have heard studies concerning cereals and sugar content. This was a particular disappointment because I eat Lucky Charms almost every morning for breakfast. The news about the possible unhealthiness quotient of this particular cereal lead me to some serious evaluation...for about five minutes in the grocery aisle. And then, I bought another box of the Lucky Charm variety. I should care more about this sort of thing, but alas, I have acquired poor self control when it comes to sugary goodness.
I am often endeavoring to make sweeping changes in my life that will somehow turn everything around and make me happier/full of energy and vibrance/an all around better human being...
I will go to bed early and wake up early, too.I will cut back on my TV watching.I will stop worrying about small, insignificant things.I will eat more vegetables and whole grains.These are nice goals, but they stray too drastically from the life I’ve been living for quite some time. It’s a mistak…

A Grate(full) Belly

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Two nights ago at bed time, I attempted to introduce Lochlan to the concept of gratitude. It’s a good habit for him to form from an early age, and it is something that I want to incorporate into my own life, so why not combine the two by folding it into our bedtime routine?

I have been a little blue lately, which is part of the reason I have been a little quiet here. I know, sharing might make me feel better, but often, I find myself opening Blogger, staring at the empty “New Post” box, waiting for inspiration that never arrives. So, being grateful for all the positives in my life is something I am hoping will help pick me up out of the blah.

After we read "Mighty Dads" and "Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site", turned on the noise machine, turned off the light, and sang Baby Beluga, I tried to talk to Lochlan about feeling appreciative of all the awesome things we have around us. I started listing some items before asking my little love for his picks. Without hes…

Bravery & Sephora

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In exactly one month, I’ll be 42.

I don’t wear a lot of makeup but I recently mustered up the bravery required and walked into Sephora and walked out with a forty dollar tube of concealer. Bravery required you may be asking yourself...well once, I had a truly horrible and humiliating experience there with an eighteen year old and have avoided it since. Anyway, I walked in like a tourist trying to get my bearings and was met by a young woman with blonde cascading curls and massive dark eyelashes.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

I stepped back in an attempt to avoid her eyelashes.

“I’m looking for something that will hide the dark circles under my eyes.”

She observed me. I felt like a specimen under her microscope. She paused, then turned on her sky high heels (heels high enough that if I attempted to walk in, would result in a spectacular fall followed by a trip to the emergency department).

“Follow me.”

Head down I followed her.

“Try this,” she said, pulling out a tube the size of Crazy Glue.…

Happy Canada Day

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Happy 150th Birthday Canada

Funny Face Friday

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Happy Friday ☺

Thoughts On Growing Older

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In less than two months I turn 42 and I have a few thoughts on turning 42...

There are people who will tell you that you are only as old as you feel. These are the same people who swear that you are not 40+ years old, but rather 40+ years young. They are forever saying things like, “Aging is a state of mind.” All I can say is this...those people must have been born with some amazing genetics because they apparently don’t feel as old as I do. Yes, you are only as old as you feel and, at some point between age 30 something and 40 something, my body started to feel old. I’m starting to think of my hip bone, my low back, and my feet in the same way some people think of cherished family members who just can’t seem to pull their lives together.

There are stages in life when you want time to speed up. When you are a kid waiting for Santa on Christmas morning (or in my case...waiting for Halloween and all it's candy glory), a teen waiting for age 16 and a driver’s license, a young adult wa…

Wordless Wednesday

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