Thursday, March 28, 2013

It's Biological Baby

Note...Going forward in this post, fart will be referred to as flatulence, its biological term.

It's human to be flatulent. Girls are human too. I was discussing this topic with a friend of mine the other day.

"Men don't like their girl to be human", she said.

Girls shouldn't burp. They shouldn't flatulate. They can't scratch their head or itch their thighs. They should have their arms and legs cleaned till the last hair has been pulled out and their eyebrows nicely arched. Only then they are humans. Rather, attractive humans.

If you flatulate and you are a girl, you are not an attractive human. But if you flatulate and you are a man, you are perfectly human...attractive or not is a different case here, but human none the less!

This issue of flatulence has been a grey area for lot of couples. Some are highly comfortable in breaking the wind in each other's presence, for others its a strict no-no! For some its a step towards increased intimacy, for others its a step back.

The way I see it, men please note...

  • It really needs effort to pretend not to be human.
  • She had the same baked beans for dinner and needs to flatulate as much as you do.
  • If she does, she does not become less attractive. Her hair is still in place, so is her make-up.
  • Let her feel free when she is around you rather than being a conscious bundle.
  • Either you laugh it off, telling her its perfectly fine, or use the golden rule of ignorance.
Are you in a relationship with someone with whom you can be your natural self?

by Candle Bright Creation via Etsy

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Eight

Eight, huit, ocho, acht...this is the number of pregnancy announcements I've heard in the last two days. 

I am thrilled for Every. Single. One...of those eight beautiful announcements and those eight beautiful women. 

I just wish that I was one of those eight.

Stacked eight track tapes by Pretty Petal Studio via Etsy

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

“Tattoos have a power and magic all their own. They decorate the body but they also enhance the soul.”

Fineline Tattoo - East Village, New York


Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Start Spreading The News...

My trip to New York City was completely amazing but I'm not going to lie....the re-entry to life has been difficult this past two days. After 5 days away I thought I'd return refreshed and ready to jump back onto the work/life wagon...I was wrong. Is it Friday yet?

The highlights of my trip were many. But first...I had a moment.

When we made it to the hotel, the emotions that had been building the entire day and week came bursting out and I cried and cried. Oh, how I cried! Uncontrollable, sloppy, snotty bawling that pretty much claimed an entire box of tissues. You see, the morning that we left my period started...a full 5 days early. I was crushed. I was sure that this was THE cycle. My emotions got the better of me but I quickly re-grouped and a little voice chimed up saying, “Go splash water on your face and get out! Go and tackle your NYC bucket list head on”

And tackle we did!

In short, we took in two shows on Broadway, made a visit to the 9/11 Memorial, saw the Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island, toured Downtown, Uptown, Harlem & 5th Avenue. Took the ferry to Staten Island, got a tattoo in the East Village, visited the United Nations where we sent postcards home. Dreamed big at Tiffany & Co, bought more candy than I needed at Dylan's Candy Bar and a million other things in between. 


It was amazing. The only real problem I had on my trip were my feet. Which almost fell off from all the walking. I'm thinking of inventing how to teleport places, and then selling my invention to the city of New York. I would get so rich and they would give me one of those giant keys to the city and the Sex and the City girls would invite me to brunch and I would most likely be the toast of the town.

You know me...just small aspirations. No big deal.

Side note - Did you know that people dress up like the Statue of Liberty and hang out to take pictures with you? And it’s totally free...except they want tips. Good tips. And by WANT, I mean they tell you that you have to tip them. So…it’s not really free. Basically what I'm saying is that these dress up people sort of lie and by sort of...I mean completely but you know what? Didn't bother me a bit. I get it. People need to make a livin yo!

New York City is filled with all sorts of interesting people who say very interesting things like this for example that I overheard while standing outside a tattoo shop in the East Village...

Guy #1: You should stop doing coke and just do ecstasy, because the coke makes you a shady bitch.
Guy #2: Are you on coke right now?


I loved New York. 

Much to our Mother and Aunt's disapproval, my sister and I each got a tattoo at this shop in the East Village

I'll be back with pictures...as soon as I find the camera!



Monday, March 25, 2013

Je suis à la maison

All good things must come to an end...I arrived home from New York last night. Trip report soon.

Typographic wall art by Patti Home Decor via Etsy

Monday, March 18, 2013

Getaway

Definition of GETAWAY...

1: an act or instance of getting away - a getaway from the stress of life and work
2: a place suitable for a vacation - In this case New York City
3: a vacation especially of brief duration - 5 glorious days with my Mom, sister and Aunt

I'll be absent for the rest of the week...although I'll try and squeeze in a Wordless Wednesday and Funny Face Friday!

New York City...here I come!

New York City Skyline by Going Underground via Etsy

See you on the flip side!


Sunday, March 17, 2013

The Wheels On The Bus...

I went out drinking last night to celebrate St. Patricks Day, so I took a bus home...That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

by Jezebel Treasures via Etsy

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Some Kind Of Wonderful

"Something wonderful happens when you use a Cyclo-Massge health appliance by Niagara...daily" 

If you recall, a few days ago I posted that I had somehow injured my back and I say "somehow" because I have no earthly idea what I did. At any rate...I left work early and popped into the clinic. Apparently just a bad strain. Some TTC friendly pain meds, a heating pad and a prescription for some massage therapy later...I was home on the couch. I relayed all of this to my boss that night and he excitedly told me that he had this awesome massage pad/hand held thing-a-ma-jig he would bring into work for me to try.

And bring it he did...

It comes in a medium sized suitcase. The size of suitcase I plan on taking for my trip to New York City next week

"A wonderful new experience awaits you.
Your purchase of a Cryo-Massage appliance by Niagara opens up a whole new vista of glorious living for the entire family. The action produced by this unique equipment is a marvellously contrived combination of  horizontal, vertical and elliptical motions - radiating its revitalizing qualities throughout your entire body - to help provide complete relaxation or welcome stimulation, as needed, to open up the way for a more energetic, more gratifying way of life"


The pictures that show you how to use this thing...are amazeballs
 I'm not sure how I feel about this

Does anyone else see the face staring back at them?

But does it work?


video

I'm not sure that it opened up the way for a more energetic, more gratifying way of life but I sure was entertained!

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I bet snowmen think it's weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.

Snowman by Jude McConkey Photos via Etsy


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Sing, Sing

Competition is everywhere. That's the world – winning and losing in the big game of life.

The video I'm about to show you was taken without my knowledge...


video


I noticed the video a few days later while flipping through my phone. Then the wheels starting turning.

Shall I take part in a competition? What are my chances? How do I control my nerves? What is the best repertoire? Do I convey the image a successful performer, a winning attitude? My best assets? A singer must find a solution to these questions.

What do we look for in a winning singer? 
  • great voice with personal timbre 
  • solid vocal technique 
  • musicality: sense of rhythm, clean intonation, good legato and phrasing 
  • total performer package with the look, physique and voice suitable for the part if you sing opera 
  • posture, poise and control of body movements
  • ability to sing with nervousness and in spite of it 
  • temperament and intelligence to interpret the text 
  • deep understanding of the character and/or poem 
  • soulfulness (this is seen in the eyes and face) 
  • sense of humor, wit and ability to react 
  • ability to tell a story and engage the audience 

Sadly...after viewing the video again and again and yet again, I discovered that my singing voice and ability meet none of the above requirements. 

Oh well...I guess I'll stick to rock climbing.

P.S. Today is 7dpo...ovulated early this cycle.


Monday, March 11, 2013

Advice Needed

Hello lovely peoples...I need advice, specifically TTC advice.  

Today I'm 6dpo *ovulated Cycle Day 12 instead of the usual 15-17 if the good ol' OPK's can be trusted (post for another day)* Anyway...this morning I woke up with incredible spasming back pain in my lower right back and it's gotten worse as my day has gone on. Why? What's it from? No idea! It wasn't there and then it was. 

Advice is needed in regards to what I can take to help ease my agony. I know that ibuprofen is a no no while pregnant so I am going to assume the same is true for the two week wait and I recall that during my IVF and FET that it was also a no no. What about Voltaren or some other such muscle rub? Tylenol hasn't helped at all and I'm feeling kind of desperate.

Advice anyone?


Wand Some Good Karma?

It’s always fun to start out a new cycle hoping things are going to be different in a better sort of way. For at least a week into a new cycle, I'm usually full of resolutions and aspirations, welcoming positive change and temporarily sloughing off bad habits for the good of my body. Now - thanks to this amazing discovery - making it all a little easier is the Good Karma Medium Wand (apparently good karma is no longer good in large wand formats). The wand influences certain planets in thrilling and unknown ways, creating a “positive bubble” around the wearer. Sadly though, instructions on the proper wearing techniques for wands not included.

The manufacturer also sells acceptance wands, courage wands and attraction wands in the standard medium size. The clarity, confidence and communication wands, on the other hand, can be purchased in large sizes. Fearlessness and forgiveness are also available in large, whereas the happiness, hope, inner peace and letting go wands don’t come in anything larger than medium. But they're the experts, these wand makers, and they know without the slightest doubt how much of these qualities to impart upon their products. So, for making baby JaAdam, I'm going with the medium amount of good karma and a large side of fearlessness and hoping for the best.



Thursday, March 7, 2013

Forgot Something? Forgot Everything?

This post was not meant to start like this. It was supposed to have a brilliant opener, and an even more impressive second line, leading seamlessly into a paragraph full of insight and wit. The topic was fascinating, and I knew it would be received quite rapturously by readers around the interwebs.

There was just one small problem when I came to write it down. I couldn't remember the damn thing at all.

I think of memory as being like a virtual computer, in which each piece of information is an individual file. But it's a faulty computer, because time and time again, files that I know are in there are suddenly inaccessible.

So why is my virtual computer so faulty? Do I have early onset dementia? Or is my level of forgetfulness completely normal?


Twice in as many months, I have driven right past my exit going to work. I'm daydreaming, mind elsewhere and all of a sudden I realize that something is just, well, wrong. It takes me about 10 seconds to figure it out, mutter "oh sugar!" to myself and the empty car and then quickly scoot over two lanes to hopefully make the next exit in time. It happens to everyone from time to time....doesn't it?


Anyway...my forgetfulness was ramped up to an all new level last night.

I had a long (sort of stressful) day at work followed by a complete physical at 6 pm. I left my appointment sometime after 7 pm. 

My stomach grumbled at me..."So hungry"

At this point the thought of a Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheesburger with extra pickles and a side of fries seemed very appealing so on my way home I cruised through the drive-thru and ordered said burger and fires. I pulled up to the second window, a smile on my face at the thought of consuming said burger and paid the nice lady. I then...promptly drove away....without my burger and fries! 

I was too embarrassed to go back.

At this point I should have cut my losses and just gone home but Noooo..."I'll stop at Dynamite and have a peek at the new spring dresses that just came in to make myself feel better about being all forgetful" I think to myself. I arrive at Dynamite, choose a few things to try on and proceed to spend the next 10 minutes ogling myself in the change room mirrors (which I'm convinced are circus mirrors). I decide that nothing really suits my fancy and I leave. I get into my car and with horror realize that upon removing Dynamite's clothing that I was not going to purchase, I somehow never remembered to put my dress back on!! That's right...I left with my tights, my boots, my bra and my jacket(which is long and comes to my knees - not that I am using this as an excuse but the jacket had been giving me the stink eye all day).

*SIGH*

I really love that dress. It was the first time I'd worn it. It's all purpley and pretty. I need it back. 

I walk back into the store, head down, frown on my face and let the girl know what I had forgotten. She smirks, I get my dress and go home.

I'm pretty sure though that it's probaly not dementia, I did just have my physical and learned that I'm actually pretty healthy so I'm sure my prognosis is good.

Sadly for you, though, the prognosis is far less positive. You didn't get the brilliant article about the genius idea. You simply got a substitute post about memory. 
But not to worry. If you weren't concentrating, you probably will have forgotten this by tomorrow.




Wednesday, March 6, 2013

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

If I ever wake up miniature I’m going to use a ravioli as a pillow and just go back to bed.




Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Boxers or Briefs?

As I was deciding what to wear this morning, searching for exactly the right undergarment for my chosen outfit (a lovely new dress), it occurred to me that men have it easy. At whatever age they answer the cosmic Boxers vs. Briefs debate, they’re good to go, like, forever. We are faced with a vast sea of daily options, from the thong - that doesn't work for everyone...If you’re under 22, you might pull this one off. For some of us, it’s an all-day wedgie and looks like dental floss wrapped around the bottom of a Weeble, the French-cut brief (okay, if you don’t mind panty lines rippling diagonally across your backside like a geographical fault line), the full brief (the most flattering under your clothes, but in the laundry pile, look like Grandma Bertha’s undies. I fold my own), or finally, Spanx. 

When I started my first IVF cycle in May 2011 I bought my first and only Spanx in the anticipation of the bloat I was told was coming. I also had a wedding to attend in the midst of cycling so I thought the Spanx might come in handy. I must say...they come in a dizzying variety of lengths and mission statements, these puppies can stuff your body into an otherwise out-of-the-question ensemble like nobody’s business. They take some time to master, but once you’re in, you’ll be strutting the catwalk like you own it.

As with all great ideas, however, Spanx are not without their design flaws. For Spanx to work, they need to be tight. The whole point is that they make you look firmer and smaller than you really are. If you can slip them on like drug store control top pantyhose, they can’t do their job. Having said that, there is, for unfathomable reasons, No pee snap. Seriously?
 

Hey, Spanx people! In the entire design process, not one of you obviously - male and will never have to wear one - geniuses thought...

“Gee, given the basic concept here (shoehorning X size body into Y size dress), we might have a logistics problem if she ever has to pee. Maybe we should put in a snap”?

But, alas, not to be. My advice? Pee before you get dressed, and go easy on the liquids for the rest of the day.

I was getting dressed, mentally noting that as the “bloom of youth” is wearing off and repeated fertility treatments, my undergarments have become less frivolous and more functional. Less about “Hey, sailor” lace and more about lifting, stuffing, and otherwise coaxing recalcitrant areas into clothes I used to wear with ease. Finally selecting the most suitable Spanx style, I spent the next several minutes wriggling, cramming, and yanking it into place, until, exhausted, sweaty, and triumphant, I was in.

As I was standing in the bathroom in my full-coverage, thigh length, waist to hips, bounce a quarter off your backside Spanx model #327, I promptly burst into unrestrained laughter, choking out to myself, “What the HELL are you wearing, woman?!?”


I spent the next 10 minutes wiggling my way out of those Spanx and went to work sporting a thong under that sweet new dress.



Monday, March 4, 2013

FSH Ain't Nothing But A Number

For those of you playing along at home, here is the annotated version of last weeks results:

FSH: 20 - This is 3 points higher then it was five months ago. Dr. Google in his deep, authoritative voice, “Anything below 6 is excellent.”. We know 20 isn't good. Just like we knew that 17.91 and 17 weren't good.

LH: 9.4 - Dr. Google shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “As you see here, I prefer an LH below 7. It was 6.96 five months ago.

TSH: 0.55 - The good Doctor gives a brisk nod...normal.


DHEA: 8.5 - A small smile appears at the corner of Dr. Google’s brow....normal.


E2: 118 - A small furrow appears on Dr. Google's brow "This is too high for Day 3" I do know that a high E2 level will artificially suppress FSH so my level of 20 in all likelihood is higher.


Day 5 Antral follicle count: 2. Yes, 2. This is 4 less than five months ago and for a 37 year old...it's dismal. 

Day 5 Endometrial thickness: 7.7mm. Way too thick for Day 5.

So there you have it. I'm not going to lie...I was hopeful that the 7 months of taking DHEA and CoQ10 were going to help improve things...even if it was just a little. I did however tell Adam that I had a pretty good feeling that my FSH was going to be higher and 20 was the number I had settled on. This somehow strikes me as amusing.

Honestly, after hearing said news, some of the spring seemed to have gone from my step...if you know what I mean. I was letting those damn numbers somehow define who I am as a woman. I was allowing those stupid numbers to hold such crippling power over me and it took these words from a very dear friend whom I love very much, to snap me out of it...

"Sometimes I worry that you are defining your self worth by your ability to procreate. I still love you, either way and so does everyone else".

I am not the sum of my numbers. 

I am Janet. 

I am mighty and I am strong.




Friday, March 1, 2013

Funny Face Friday


I'm not going to let a rough week prevent me from having my Friday Fun! 


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