Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Standing On The Edge

Today is Cycle day 2. I know...exciting right? And here you thought today was just a regular ol' boring Tuesday! Surprise! 

What this means is that we can now get things in motion for yet another frozen embryo transfer...which will also be our last frozen embryo transfer. We have two embryos left from our fresh cycle last summer so whether this cycle ends positively (fingers crossed) or negatively (which has kind of been our thang, yo) it will really be...our last FET.

Why am I signing up for this emotional shite-coaster again? - If you barfed your first time on The Behemoth, that means you should ride it again as soon as possible! Step right up, strap in, and let’s get nauseous! Is it because I have some weird subprimal urge to parent something small? Because I'm insane? The definition of insanity is "Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results". So it looks like insanity is a definite possibility.

If I'm being completely honest, I'm kind of enjoying my Infertility Vacation. But frankly, there’s more to it. I'm terrified of going through this again. There are a plethora of emotions that surface when standing on the edge of a new cycle. Some good, some bad. I try my best to deal with them as they come and honestly, I don't always do such a bang up job. But I am stubborn enough to get back up and go...again, and again, and again. Hmmmm, I sense a little...insanity.

Perhaps I think it won’t hurt as bad if it fails again, because I will know what to expect this time. Right? Right? Am I ready to once again step over the edge? 

Standing On the Edge by Mina

Monday, January 30, 2012

Suspended Animation

Suspended animation is the state of disbelief I sometimes find myself in. It is marked by a kaleidoscope of emotions, with varying amounts of abject terror, profound sadness and smatterings of hope so strong it takes my breath away.

This morning, once again, there was sunshine streaming through my bedroom window, sending smiles from the universe for another beautiful day. I woke up and realized that inside my heart, no sun is shining at the moment...just silence and darkness. That same energy that has been my silent partner since my miscarriage. A sad quiet heart and a very tired body looking at the sunshine coming through the window feeling so disconnected and far away from that vivid energy. Trying to muster the energy and strength to face another day.

I get up...here comes that sharp pain in my heart, I put my head in my hands and get the hard realization, yes, I did get pregnant and then I miscarried. That harsh understanding hits me...that what I had hoped to be the last ART cycle in my life, was just another one, another one of many. 


This morning – I also remember again the lessons and gifts that each cycle gives each and everyone of the amazing women that are willing to go through it. It's what makes me that strong woman that will not give up. It makes me that woman that learns how hard it feels to fall, but how empowering it feels to show up again and not give up, it teaches me to be dedicated, to stay focused and not get distracted by the nonsense along the way.

There are good days and there are bad days. 

Daring Adventure Print by Love Wish via Etsy

Friday, January 27, 2012


I love Spoonerisms, mostly because I misspeak a lot. What's a Spoonerism? A spoonerism is when you confuse the beginning sounds of two nearby words. For example, I keep one drawer in my desk at work full of candy for when I need that pick me up sugar jolt. This morning's snack of choice were some jelly beans and because it's rude not to share, I offered some to my boss. "Mr. Boss, would you like some of my belly jeans"? I asked. See...spoonerism!
In case you were interested...but you probably aren't but I will tell you anyway...The term Spoonerism is named after Reverend Spooner, a man of the cloth who lived in the latter part of the 19th century, no doubt entertaining his parishioners by accidentally swapping syllables. Spooner’s most infamous mix up was when he said, “May I sew you to your sheet?” (rather than the innocuous May I show you to your seat?). One of my other favourite spoonerisms was coined by my rock climbing friend who drunkenly called his favourite bottle of wine... his...wottle of bine.
Words are fun.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Birthdays & Beauty

Yesterday was Adam's 35th Birthday. I baked him a cake (it was a sad, sad little cake but it was a homemade...sad, sad little cake), bought him balloons and decorated the house a little...

I thought the silly faces would be cute...but they look kind of creepy!

We had a lovely evening. Happy Birthday Adam...love you much!

Adam's birthday got me to thinking about my next birthday. I'll be 37 this summer and I’ve noticed I’m no longer as young as I think I am. This epiphany usually happens when I look in the mirror, a habit I'm trying to lose. I don’t wear a lot of makeup usually, but recently (yesterday cause I left work early to bake a cake, baked the cake, looked in the mirror, felt old, went to the mall to buy something to fix it), I forked over $27 for a tube of concealer. I walked into the makeup section at the Bay...something I never ever, ever do. In fact, I go out of my way to never enter the Bay using the entrance that deposits you into the deep, dark depths of the makeup section. That place has always frightened me.

I put on my big girl pants and faced my fear (no, I will never ever face my fear of clowns so don't even ask). I glanced around like a tourist trying to get my bearings. A woman with dark cascading curls and perfectly airbrushed skin approached me. Her lab coast made me think of dissection. "Can I help you?" she asked. I stepped back in an attempt to avoid her eyelashes. "I'm looking for something that will hide the dark circles under my eyes". She observed me, a specimen under her beauty microscope. She paused and then turned on her six inch stilettos. "Follow me" she barked at me. We stopped at a new counter. "Try this" she said, pulling out a tube the size of a crayon. I stepped closer. Using a Q-tip, she deposited a glob under one of my eyes. "Now dab it in". I started dabbing away but apparently I was doing it wrong. "Use your ring finger", Professor Curls snapped. 

I paused to look at my offending finger. I started again with what I hoped was my ring finger. This process was taking a while. "Now you're rubbing. Dab...like this". She took over. "There, do you see how much better you look?" I squinted into the mirror. I saw one partially obscured semicircle. It reminded me of when you draw a picture, make a mistake and then try to correct the mistake. Anyway, she's pressed the pencil so hard that even when she erases it, the original line is still visible, albeit slightly smudged and worn. Like me. "I'll take it", I said in an attempt to make a quick getaway. But before I could make my escape she asked "Can I interest you in anything else?", waving an acrylic nail around. "Perhaps some moisturizer? Anti-wrinkle serum?" I muttered in reply "No thanks, not today". I'd been schooled and scolded enough by Professor Curls, I just wanted to go home. 

What I notice when I get home that I didn't notice in the store...is the name of the concealer. It’s called, Cover FX - Camouflage ConcealerApparently, the heavy-duty equipment’s been called out. Wish me luck. I’m going into battle.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why I Did It

I chose to give up Facebook. I don’t regret it, not even a little bit.

Sure, I know Facebook can be a useful tool. You can share photos, keep in touch with long distance family and friends, schedule events, share funny videos, favorite articles or interesting news. But on the flip side…

Did I really need to see 184 photos of "Fran’s Dirty 30 Party," filled with enough drunken divas to last a lifetime? Or did I really want to know that you “just cleaned the grout in the shower and now its time for a sleepy sleep!" Or that you’re “burning the steaks on the BBQ!" Perhaps they wouldn't be burning if you were actually in front of the barbecue, instead of telling your Facebook friends about it? Or do I really need to know that you “just ate a hot dog and a diet coke for lunch”. I came to realize that no, I don’t need to know any of those things.

After some time without it, I’ve begun to think that Facebook actually does a lot more harm to relationships than it does good. With news about babies and houses and jobs and marital statuses, social networking can create a false sense of intimacy and lead to pretty lazy communicating. You don’t have to carry on full conversations anymore: Instead, you can click a thumbs-up signifying just how much you “like” the fact that the girl who sat next to you in your high school English class landed a new job.

Quitting Facebook hasn’t made me call people more, nor has it inspired me to answer all of my emails in a timely manner. But I have noticed that I can genuinely ask people how they’re doing and not already know their answer based on their hourly updates. I have more time to write notes and cook  meals (cooking is a skill I seriously need to work on) and send emails. I ‘m no longer curious about what my old army (yes, I was in the army) buddies are up to, nor do I spend hours wondering why I wasn’t invited to a party I never would have wanted to be invited to in the first place.

I know these feelings are my own fault. I know that Facebook isn’t evil and that there are plenty of other mediums that can be just as detrimental to human relationships. But for me, Facebook was by far the worst.

Through blogging, I’ve met creative, interesting people who inspire me and uplift me. Many of us have formed true friendship. Blogging helps me stay in-tune to the ideas of others, and it inspires me to be better.

Facebook wasn’t doing any of that. And guess what? 

People still, amazingly somehow, get a hold of me if they need me. They call, or comment on this blog, or text, or email. My life did not end when I quit Facebook. Instead, I think it got better. At the very least, that simple act of quitting has helped me to become better. 

And that’s enough reason for me to stay off for a very long time.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Things I'm Terrible At

There are a number of things I'm terrible at. Doing anything crafty tops the list, followed by walking in high heels, cooking and anything requiring opposable thumbs.

The other thing that I am terrible at is telling jokes. I heard a great joke the other day from a friend and I wanted to share and pass along said funny joke because I was on a mission to spread laughter and joy! 

My mission was a complete failure. Why did it fail? It failed because I suck at telling jokes and what ends up happening is that my attempt at telling a joke...is the joke.

Here is a list of things that can go wrong:
  1. I move my lips while I rehearse the joke.
  2. I start with the punchline, but don’t realize this until the end.
  3. When I notice my audience is engaged, I take creative liberty and add my own flair. As always, I go too far.
  4. I rush it.
  5. I go too slowly.
  6. I forget it.
  7. I remember it, in the wrong order.
  8. I do weird body movements, such as rocking forward or looking off to one side.
I am the destroyer of jokes and I should be ashamed of myself. 

Funny Nose & Glasses by Vicky Day via Etsy

Monday, January 23, 2012

I Missed It

Happy Chinese New Year! 

Today marks the beginning of the Year of the Dragon.  Did you know that last year was the Year of the Rabbit?

I didn't know that last year was MY year...I missed MY year. How did I miss MY year? Truth be told, I would like to forget about last year but before forgetting forever, I took a look back at what last year was going to have in store for me according to the Chinese Horoscope for the Year of the Rabbit...

"For those who are born under this zodiac (that's me, good ol' 1975), things may not be very rosy, as evil stars can cause much obstacles in your life in 2011. Although this may be your year, your wealth luck is not strong. Do not get into arguments (oops, didn't heed this advice), drive safely (or this one), manage your finances well (gave it all away to my fertility clinic), avoid risks in all fronts, curb your anger (oops...I think I failed at this one too) and be more considerate towards your loved ones (I tried, I really did). Make new friends (blogging has allowed new friends to come into my life), focus your thoughts, and be prepared for all impediments in your path (three IVF failures I'm sure can be considered impediments). But do not despair, there will be spikes in your luck from time to time. (If there were spikes, I sure didn't notice them)."

Looking back...perhaps it was a good think I didn't know it was MY year.

Let's hope the mighty Dragon will be kind to the little Rabbit this year. 

2012 Year of the Dragon print by Dahlia Press Shop via Etsy

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Do You Fondue?

It's been cold here in Ottawa. The kind of cold that makes your nostrils stick together when you take a deep breath in...through your nose of course...but I have to admit...that nostril sticking stuff always makes me giggle? Why...cause I'm weird that way.

I also have to admit that I still find myself slipping into a dark place. It has been slowly getting better since the miscarriage. Time passes, life moves forward. But there are still moments of profound sadness that sneak up on me, catching me by surprise. So last night I took matters into my own hands. I decided to dip my cold, broken heart into the great chocolate fondue of love!

First the fire...
then add strawberries, bananas, kiwi, pineapple and cantaloupe, chocolate & enjoy...
The aftermath...I ate until my belly begged for sweet mercy and then ate just a little more!

What about you...what makes you feel better when the weather is cold and you are feeling down? Do you fondue? 

Saturday, January 21, 2012


They way in which people find my blog is always good for a giggle. Take this one for example…someone searched for  "Do Area 51 employees fly out of McCarran airport every day or every 51 days?" and this led them to my blog about infertility and IVF. Huh? Too funny!

Giggle art print by Art By Trudy via Etsy

Just realized that this is my 200th post. Hmmm...I really do talk alot! Happy Saturday!

Friday, January 20, 2012

New Clinic, New Hope

This morning we had our appointment with our new RE here in Ottawa and wow, I feel so much better. I have renewed hope. I have to admit that hope is something that has been a little hard to come by lately.

We spent an hour with our doctor this morning and had a very good in depth conversation about our past cycles and what are next steps will be. I also had some blood work drawn to check my thyroid as well as some swabs that I hadn’t yet had. Much to Adam’s unhappiness, he’ll also do another SA. We did this in part to be prepared if we decide to do a fresh cycle instead of another frozen transfer. I left feeling much better than when I went in.

We have decided on the recommendation of our doctor to move forward with FET #3. While our two remaining embryos are Grade 2 (our clinic uses a 1-4 system with 1 being the best and 4 the worst), I did get pregnant with them last month and that’s encouraging. I’ll be on the exact some protocol as FET #2. Start Depot Lupron on cycle day 16, embryo transfer approximately 48 days later. I’m happy with this. We has success with this (even though it was short lived) it was success. When we are ready, I say February for an April transfer, Adam says March for a May transfer…everything is lined up and ready.

In the meantime...I must do my very best to relax as all good things come to those who wait. 

Vintage Sign by Small Bird Studio via Etsy

Show Me The Money

Why Janet? Why did you do it? 

Last night as I sat thinking about today's appointment with our new RE and clinic...it occurred to me that since embarking on this IVF journey in our guest for baby JaAdam, that I had yet to sit down and really crunch the numbers. How much have we really spent on fresh cycles, frozen cycle, medications, travelling...the list goes on. I did that last night. I should have left it alone. Sometimes not knowing really is better than knowing. 

Let me say that we have been blessed with fantastic drug coverage and for that I have been incredibly grateful. When you are told that your lifetime coverage for fertility medications is $15,000 you think "Great. We have more than enough coverage" I thought wrong. Since June of 2010 when we started our first cycle of IVF and now, on the verge of FET #3, we've spent a grand total of $13,500 and change in medications alone. That $15K isn't looking so BIG anymore. 

I also looked at what we've paid to our Fertility Clinic as well as the travel and miscellaneous expenses, and yeah...I might have thrown up in my mouth a little when I added that number up. I know...ewww!

I can say this....without a doubt it's worth it and if I had it to do all over again...I would do exactly the same thing. That wee JaAdam baby is in our future. I feel it, I know it, I believe it.

Show Me the Money by Typogy via Etsy

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Ready To Go

Here I stand, at the brink of yet another cycle. I am petrified, terrified beyond belief. It’s like walking into the lion’s den, after you’ve already been mauled, nearly to death, yet in you go again, knowing the danger. I have to do this, the alternative, giving up, is something I can’t and won’t contemplate.

Ready To Go by Lyric A Day via Etsy

Tomorrow morning we have our appointment to get cycle #5 underway. 

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Is Your Body Baby Friendly?

I'm going to go with no on this one but I do have hope that my hostile uterus can be tamed into carrying a wee baby. I've been whispering sweet nothins' and treating her kind in hopes she'll warm up and be a little more loving and inviting! 

I ordered this book after hearing some good things about it and after three failures I figured it couldn't hurt. It arrived today and I plan on giving it a read tonight. Have any of you read it? 

Is Your Body Baby Friendly? 

I'll let you know what I think. 

Black Hole

The black hole in my house is expanding. Not only have I lost my memory card and my extra pair of glasses, but the wooden buttons that I bought to sew on a sweater are missing now. Add those to at least 3 socks, a little green button I've been meaning to sew on an old comfy sweater, my French book (in case I ever decide to go back to night classes...I'll need it), half a package of cookies, one of my favourite earrings, a flower charm from my bracelet, my pizza cutter (not Adam's little wee pizza cutter but MY big bad pizza cutter), about half a dozen Tupperware lids, 3 tubes of chapstick, a brush from the downstairs bathroom and 3/4 of my memory. 

Seriously, where does this stuff go? It's not like my house is so big that stuff could get lost in one of many rooms. Why can't I find these things? I'd love for someone to come up with small, inexpensive homing devices that could be placed on your items. I would certainly put one on my car keys, my camera, my glasses (you know, my extra pair that I'll need when I lose my current pair), the brush (that thing always disappears!), my cell phone...you get the idea.

How does stuff like this disappear? I'm left wondering if burglars break into my house and decide they just can't live without a French book or a green button. Where does everything go???

P.S. I may know where the half a package of cookies went. Shhhh.

Supermassive Black Hole Print by Deep Space Photography via Etsy

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The Good Life

Everybody wants that thing called “a good life.” Well here’s my question, what does that even mean? Exactly what is it that moves a life from “an average life” to “the good life”? For that matter, who gets to decide what constitutes a good life?
If you asked a hundred people those questions, chances are you would get a hundred different answers. But even in the variety of answers, you would find several common areas that are important to almost everybody. So, while your definition may vary from mine, there are many things that we would both consider necessary for the good life.
I have a good life.
Despite the struggles of the past few months I am incredibly grateful that I am healthy, I am lucky. There are those unfortunately that struggle with their health. I did something today that I hope will allow me to give back. 
I signed up with One MatchThe OneMatch Stem Cell and Marrow Network was originally established as the Unrelated Bone Marrow Donor Registry. It is dedicated to recruiting and locating compatible, committed, healthy, unrelated donors for patients in Canada and around the world. It took five minutes of my time and a trip to the mailbox. 
Please visit One Match today.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Finding The Words

I've been trying to write this post for a while now but the words never seemed to come out just right...
Last month, I experienced a chemical pregnancy, and a loss at 5 weeks. To date, after three cycles, this was the only confirmed pregnancy I've experienced. We transferred two embryos on day three of our second FET cycle. My first beta at 13 DPO was 43. The doctor said to me “ Congratulations, you're pregnant.” But, we all knew 43 wasn't high enough. The second beta was 41. That was it. For just over one week I was pregnant. Our embryos, our babies, weren't healthy enough to survive and thrive. I started bleeding at 5 weeks. I was so thankful to have made it that far. I don’t know why, but that really meant something to me...to make it to 5 weeks.
Since then I’ve struggled to make sense of what happened. Being pregnant for one week. What does that mean?
I've spent a lot of time thinking about the term “chemical pregnancy"...what it implies. Technically, any pregnancy that ends before 6 weeks and the identification of of a sac or pole is a chemical pregnancy ~ according to my RE. Anything after 6 weeks is technically considered a miscarriage. Many of the chemical pregnancies I’ve heard of end before they’ve begun. The woman starts to bleed when she would normally expect her period, despite a positive pregnancy test. Typically, women (who aren’t obsessive-POASers like we infertiles) may not even know that they've had a chemical pregnancy. Mine fell somewhere in between. Part of me felt like I was lying when I said I had miscarried. Part of me felt like I didn't deserve to grieve but to me it was a real pregnancy. And it is a real loss. Calling it “chemical” makes it seem like it was something less than that. But to me...it was very real. I know you might not all agree with that and most doctors wouldn't, either. But I need this to be recognized as a real and valid pregnancy. Especially after going through IVF, and getting my very first positive pregnancy test ~ this brief pregnancy was the result of so much effort and love and intention. We were devastated to lose it. 
Please know that I'm not trying to make more of it than it was. But, the reality is that it was a pregnancy. I even have a picture of the embryos who snuggled in and struggled to live. It could have been our first child(ren) together. We loved those babies every single second they were with us.
I've grieved this loss. More than I had thought I would, honestly. It’s been a long, painful process. But, I'm also thankful to have something to grieve. I know that we were so blessed to have a pregnancy, even if only for a week. I'm still feeling emotional. I wish I were still pregnant. I miss the potential that we lost that month. That was my first pregnancy since starting this journey...chemical or not.

Perhaps by Small Bird Studio via Etsy

Answer Time

I did say that I would post the answers to the movie quiz quote yesterday…but…I am a liar and am just getting to it now and I really have no good excuse as to why I didn't post it yesterday so please forgive me!

Here are the answers to the movie quote quiz:

  1. Batman
  2. Jaws
  3. Pretty Woman
  4. Back to the Future
  5. Miss Congeniality
  6. Con Air
  7. The Truman Show
  8. The Sound of Music
  9. Notting Hill
  10. Princess Bride
  11. Goodfellas
  12. Princess Bride
  13. Rush Hour
  14. Raiders of the Lost Ark
  15. Lethal Weapon 4

All the Answers by aRose Photos via Etsy

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Quiz Time

A couple of days ago I may or may not have bragged that I'm an awesome movie quoter. I might have even used the word "Superhero". So in honour of that post I've come up with a movie quote quiz. Why? cause it's geeky and lame and I happen to have embraced my geeky, lame side. This is also a nice distraction from thinking and or talking about my hostile uterus and the heartbreak of my miscarriage. Distraction is the theme of my life these days. How many will you get correct? I'll post the answers tomorrow. 

  1. Have you ever danced with the devil in a pale moonlight?
  2. We need a bigger boat.
  3. You make a hundred dollars an hour and you got a safety-pin holding your boot up.
  4. Roads? Where were going, we don't need roads. 
  5. You think I'm gorgeous, you wanna kiss me, you wanna hug me.
  6. I said... put the bunny in the box.
  7. In case I don't see ya...good afternoon, good evening and good night.
  8. How do you solve a problem like Maria?
  9. I'm also just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love me.
  10. Inconceivable!
  11. I'm funny how? I mean funny like I'm a clown, I amuse you? Funny how? How am I funny?
  12. Thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject.  While you're at it, why don't you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it?
  13. Do you understand the words that are coming out my mouth? 
  14. Snakes. Why'd it hafta be snakes? 
  15. We're getting too old for this!

Okay, I'll stop now. 

2 Tickets for the Cinema by Vintage Dicitionary Art via Etsy

Friday, January 13, 2012

You Just Need To Relax

“You just need to relax. Then you’ll get pregnant”
I've heard this one a lot. Thanks for this valuable tidbit! I once again heard this today when talking to someone that I barely know (a friend of a friend) that apparently knew that we have been struggling to get pregnant which is cool. I’ve been pretty open and honest about our struggle. I am not ashamed.
I had no idea that was all it took to get pregnant! And to think, this entire time I’ve been trying IVF and frozen embryo transfers, not to mention copious amounts of infertility drugs!  I really missed the memo on that one. Damn.
Just for the record…taking a week long vacation to Jamaica and sitting on the beach is not going to magically impregnate me. It may have worked for a friend of your cousin Bob but that doesn’t mean it will work for everyone. If a vacation was all it took, trust me, I wouldn’t have spent thousands of dollars on IVF and instead gone on vacation! In all fairness to Jamaica I’ve never been and maybe the island does have magically impregnate powers. I'm also pretty sure it’s a lot more fun that a cycle or two of In Vitro Fertilization. Hmmm..."Adam, want to go to Jamaica?"
The #1 reason to never, ever say this to someone is pretty obvious.  If I told you, “You just need to lose weight, then you’ll get pregnant,” I’m basically calling you fat. By you telling me to relax, you’re basically calling me uptight. Your “tip” is really just an insult, masquerading as bad advice.
The other gem that was passed along was “Have you tried putting your legs up in the air?”
Ah, another gem for the “Captain Obvious” category. I can’t even count how many people have told me this. Putting your legs in the air after sex, when you’re trying to get pregnant, is right up there with arranging deck chairs on a fast sinking cruise ship. It might make you feel better, and will make the deck look orderly, but it won’t be the big thing that makes a difference.

I am always willing and accepting of advice that people want to pass along. I know that they mean well and then have the best intentions so please…keep them coming. It’s always great for a laugh and I can use some laughter in my life!

Relax Pillow by Honey Pie Design via Etsy

Thursday, January 12, 2012

My "Other" Resume

So there I was…(I always wanted to start a story that way and even though it totally doesn’t fit here… I’m using it because I can.)

So there I was. Thinking about what my real-life resume would look like. You know the one where I’m just brutally honest and not try to convince you that I’m the greatest thing since strawberries met shortcake. Here goes, my dirty laundry list that may or may not be all-inclusive and/or may or may not be mostly true.
  1. I suck at faking things. Happiness, liking people whom I don't...Just to name a few.
  2. I might have a minor condition or disease where I tend to say stupid stuff at wildly inappropriate times which subsequently results in the lack of ability to dislodge my left or right (pick one) foot from my mouth. Which is particularly troublesome on the days I need to walk and talk at the same time.
  3. When you want me to be somewhere at a certain time you should probably tell me to show up like 5-10 mins before that. I admit, I really hate this trait but unfortunately it’s not my fault that the universe is out to get me. Or that tiny little fairies mess with my clocks all the time. Either way I assure you, it’s still not my fault.
  4. I love to stop at random/lame tourist attractions. World's Tallest Ukrainian Lady? I’m there. Museum of Questionable Medical Devices? You bet your sweet ass! World's Largest Chocolate Waterfall? Oh yeah! Worlds largest Popcorn ball? Why not...I like popcorn. Anyway, a 4-hour road trip with me will actually take 11. Plan accordingly.
  5.  I sometimes make inappropriate jokes when I am uncomfortable, nervous, stressed, and you know what? Shag it, I do this even when I’m happy. (see #2) In my defense, my jokes are really, I mean really funny!
UPDATED: I’d like to add a #6 because I strongly feel this is imperative for a resume… I’m a movie quoter. I can quote movies like a superhero!

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