Monday, September 30, 2013

êtes-vous en agitant à moi?

The other day I was at the mall and I was waving goodbye to someone I knew, but two other people thought I was waving to them, which caused them to wave, too. I felt extraordinarily loved, even though I’m sure the other wavers felt weird after the waving incident, largely because there was a large mirror by the door so they could all see each other’s mistaken wave. I wanted to hug them all and tell them, I've been there, when someone waves and you don’t know if it’s at you and you don’t know what to do...I've been there. I didn't hug them because I knew just having the thought was abnormal, let alone acting on it, but I resolved to go home and write out a few handy tips on how to cover up this awkward occurrence.

Here are my top 3 tips on how best to handle the awkward wave...

  • Become the designated waver - Become the type of person that waves at everyone constantly. Now if you are going to be the designated waver you should have fun exploring the art of waving. There are so many different types of waves that you can use to convey all sorts of emotions. If you want to seem regal there is always the beauty pageant wave, which needs no explaining and allows any loose flesh under your arm to stay motionless. If you want to seem busy and professional, I propose the workers wave, which involves waving your hand extremely fast and making a face that says, "I’m a serious business person, but I’m also sociable." If you want to seem playful or flirtatious I suggest the sparkle, which calls for you to put your hand up slowly and deliberately, and wiggle your fingers as you break into a mischievous-looking smile. For an eccentric, quirky appearance, I recommend the twirly, a wave in which you stare intently at the person you’re waving at, open your eyes wide, then look to your hand as you spin it around wildly. Try all of these waves and feel free to create your own. Find the wave that best suits you and go with it. Own it. 
  • Do Not Acknowledge - Don’t acknowledge that this person wasn't waving at you. Instead, you should make it seem like you’re the one that started the waving frenzy. You want to make that person, the waver, question themselves while at the same time making them fall in love with you and your kind, friendly, not at all weird or creepy soul. As you wave back at them, look confident and poised. You can even say things like, "Bye stranger. You seem lovely and nice, so that’s why I started waving at you. Also I’m not weird or creepy, just really friendly." You might feel uncomfortable doing this but, trust me, it’s way more uncomfortable to let the waving frenzy go unacknowledged.
  • Coverup - Another option is to cover up your faux pas by turning your mistaken wave into another action entirely. For me, a nice and necessary hand/wrist stretch always does the trick. Make sure to look intent and concerned with wrist mobility as you move your hand and wrist back forth. This focus not only allows you to appear as if you were way too distracted and busy to wave, but it also requires you to avoid eye contact with the waver starter. Other activities you can pretend you’re performing include hand dancing, hand puppetry, and music conducting.
In the event that none of these things work...just stop waving, don’t look up at the person, and don’t acknowledge your action. Pretend it never happened. The best part about the wave of the wave starter is that it means that their departure is imminent, and once they leave, so will your embarrassment.

You're welcome. 

video



Thursday, September 26, 2013

Things You Might Not Know About Me

There are things you don’t know about me and I’m quite scared about revealing myself to people (blogging has helped me with this) I've never been one to be very open about who I am. Opening myself up to others is the first step to a whole new world that I’m sure is filled with sunshine, lollipops and rainbows. This blog post is my attempt at letting people know the “real me”. Yep, the real me. Not some fake version of me...although I still believe that I am just a figment of someone’s imagination.

So here I am, putting down on this very blog of mine, things that you might not know about me. It’s going to be tough. But you know what, I don’t care that these things may change your perception of me. “This is me… this is who I am,” someone once told me to chant.


  • I hate walking under ladders. Even if it means I have to take the extremely long way around that will take me half way around the world.
  • Uneven stuff. I can’t go past uneven pictures, towels, clothes or any other uneven thing. I won’t hear a damn thing you say if there is something wrong with your clothes. Whether your shirt sleeve or pants leg is turned up slightly, tags hanging out or any other improper wearing of clothes. It drives me insane and it must be fixed at once!
  • I stop at pedestrian crossings...of course for the people crossing, but I just like to give everyone the opportunity to cross, even if they don’t want to cross right away. Someone could come out of a shop any minute and want to use that pedestrian crossing. And yet I have a compulsion to put my foot down when I see jay-walkers.
  • 3/4 pants are full-length on me. I have really, really short legs.
  • Big things in museums scare me. I freak out when confronted by big things in museums. I once waited for people to go through the dinosaur exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum in Toronto so I could walk closely behind them. Sure, they thought I was weird but that was the only way to walk past so many big dinosaurs. I once freaked out while walking under a giant replica of a whale at the Canadian Museum of Nature. Add to that list, wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men. I think I'd someday like to visit The Museum of Tiny Things. I think it would be less scary...and so cute too!
  • I dance in empty elevators because no one is watching...I assume. But you will see me singing and bopping away in my car.
  • And finally, and importantly – I am generally and usually very happy.

Phew, that feels a lot better! I’m glad I got those things off my chest. I hope you have been enlightened by these things you might not have known about me. But at least you can say you know a few things about me. And I am comfortable with that. 




Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Monday, September 23, 2013

Un Message

Dear fellas that work in my office and use the women's washroom even though you have your own,

You can see that you've emptied the last roll of toilet paper (see picture 1).
This makes me angry (see picture 2).
There is almost always a roll or two on top of the lid and it isn't very far away. In fact, while still seated, one can twist at the torso and grab the full roll (see picture 3).
Adding a full roll makes me happy and is very much appreciated (see picture 4).

Thank you,
Jan
et

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Textetiquette

I know there are no official text etiquette books out there (you know what? There probably are). Anyways, through this specific post I don’t want to be dismissed as a grammar junkie or an uptight editor. Truth is, I understand texting doesn't have to be well structured or contain proper punctuation. I just figured I’d share some texts that one might receive and choose not to respond. 

Let’s begin shall we...

"K" - In my opinion, this is the most arrogant, snobby response one can receive via text. OK is two letters, you really couldn't conjure up the strength to move those thumbs and type it out? This is even worse if you receive it after a multi-page message.

"ROFLMAO" - I appreciate you thinking my joke was funny but I highly doubt you’re rolling around on the floor laughing at it while your ass falls off...unless you’re an incredible multi-tasker.

"So, about last night" - Never a good indicator about what happened the night before. This probably means you had too much to drink and the texter is going to fill you in on last nights’ festivities.

"Wow" - I used to believe “wow” was something said when a person was amazed by something. I've slowly found out though that it can also stand for “I can’t believe you just said that.”

"To: Not you" - Sending the wrong person a text is always embarrassing. Sending a spiteful text to the person you’re talking about is even worse.

"What’s (name here)’s number?" - No problem, I can give you our friends’ numbers...just don’t ask me for it so you can invite them to plans I’m not involved in.

Anything with "THX" or "WKND" - I (personally) think the whole acronym phase is over. We all have fully functional keyboards on our phones. There’s no excuse to spell words incorrectly. Side note: Why was "kool" or "kewl" ever substituted for “cool”?

Overuse of  ": )" - Oh the emoticon. Often used to convey emotion through text, the emoticon is commonly overused by the more 'energetic' individual. Think of it as comma splicing for smilies: Appropriate when needed, but don’t get carried away.

Overuse of  "!" - Hey! Just wanted to see if you think I’m shouting at you! Truth is, I am! Because that’s what the “!” Is for! Yeah!!!!!

Anything and everything CAPS locked - ALL IT TAKES IS A SLIP OF THE THUMB AND YOUR TEXTS SOUND LIKE YOU’RE SHOUTING OR SAYING SOMETHING SUPER IMPORTANT.

White Dog Vintage via Etsy


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Frágil

Life is fragile.

It would be amazing if we could just handle life with ‘kid gloves’ so that maybe we could lengthen it’s stay. Maybe, if we didn't take it for granted so, extra time would be granted. Precious time. If only.

Sadly, that’s just not how life works. Our time here is limited. Borrowed really.

Not one living thing is exempt from it’s grasp.

Fame. 
Wealth. Power. Social position.

Nothing can keep us from death’s grip.

You can’t run from it, avoid it, stop it.

Why then, is it so easy for us to forget how easily, quickly, and without warning, death can snatch us, never to return?

We walk about our day, usually with little thought to saying good-byes and living in the moment as if it were our last. We get bogged down in minor irritations and declare our day a loss. When in reality, every breath is a reason for celebration.
Today, as you go about your day, hug your loved ones a little tighter.
Pay attention to their words. Their expressions.

Don’t leave words unspoken that need to be heard.

Live life with the reality of it’s fragile state. We are blessed to be given wonderful family and friends to love. Every minute spent with a loved one is a blessing. Don’t let the irritations and frivolities of life keep you from cherishing every moment.

It just might be the last one you get.




Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Always Learning

I've learned...That being with those I love is enough.

I've learned...That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned...That just one person saying to me, 'You've made my day!' makes my day.

I've learned...That being kind is more important than being right.

I've learned...That you should never say no to a gift from a child.

I've learned...That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.

I've learned...That money doesn't buy class.


I've learned...That having a baby does not and will not define who I am as a woman.

I've learned...That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

I 've learned....That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.

I've learned...That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.

I've learned...That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.


I've learned...That feeling sad is okay.

I've learned...That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

I've learned...That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.

I've learned...That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

I've learned...That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

I've learned...That I will always continue to learn.






Saturday, September 14, 2013

A Moment. Not A Proud One.

It's been an incredibly productive day.

I was up early and I've crossed many things off of my very lengthy "To do List". Adam and I ordered Indian for dinner, we caught up on some television. Adam left to pickup/drop off my niece. I was alone. I logged onto Facebook....

Then it happened.

Every. Single. Time. that I've logged into Facebook the past few days from my phone (which is how I normally log into Facebook) I've been greeted with the "Total Pregnancy Canada" app in big, bold, bright, can't miss em letters & pictures. Every. Single. Time. I've tried to ignore it and quickly scroll past.

Tonight I did not succeed. I stared at that app. It stared back.

I burst into hot, angry, snotty tears.

Today is 10 dpo. Ten days ago I saw the most positive OPK that I've ever seen. We covered the days leading up to, of and past with gusto.  I was feeling good. I was feeling positive. Then I had that dream, followed by another last night, followed by a very negative test this morning.

It hurts. It just hurts.

I had a meltdown. Not a proud moment.

Facebook...my empty, hostile uterus says "Up yours".




Thursday, September 12, 2013

I Was Alone

Stop me from falling
Into the same sickening slumber 
That always comes 
After the sun slips away

The nightmares of the past 
Come back to haunt me 
And wont let me rest 
Till my soul is dry and bare 
It burns me to my core 

And my heart is left in shards 
When will I come out of 
The cloud of fear that hovers round me 

My mind is growing numb 
To the whole world I'm in 
And all my senses drowned 
By memories of what scares me most 

I'm feeling particularly raw, emotional and vulnerable lately and perhaps that's why I woke up from an all too real, horrible dream curled into a ball, tears on my face, fists clenched tight.

I dreamt that I was pregnant at the same time as a friend. We lived in this fabulous hotel that we shared with some of our closest climbing friends (many of whom I consider family). I was pregnant. I was happy.


We were having an event...watching climbing movies in the hotel theater, my pregnant friend and I in beds side by side, our friends fawning over us. I could feel the love, joy and excitement at welcoming two new babies to our family.

All of a sudden there was a rush...she was in labor and was going to have the baby very soon. It was then that I remembered that I hadn't felt the baby move in quite some time but no one was listening to me. I was invisible. Everyone's attention was on my friend and her baby. I panicked. I found headphones that I was using to desperately using to try and hear the baby's heartbeat. There was silence. I screamed for help. No help came. It was only after my friend had safely delivered her baby that someone took notice of me. 

It was too late. There was no heartbeat. There was no baby. What we thought was a baby was actually a cancerous tumor that had grown steadily, making me appear pregnant. The doctor told me that the baby they saw on an ultrasound at 7 weeks had stopped growing and cancer had taken over. I was distraught. The pain was raw and overwhelming. What I wanted so desperately had been violently and painfully ripped away from me.

They left me to go care for my friend and her new baby. 

I was alone.

It then shifted to me in a mall. I was walking past a store where Adam was with a couple of our family members (one of whom in real life had just announced a pregnancy). He was buying new clothes. He had to look his very best if he was to snag that fertile woman that would give him his much wanted baby. The baby that I was not able to give him...no matter how hard I tried.

I was alone.

I woke up, Adam asleep beside me. 

But I can't help to wonder "Will it ever happen for us?"

                                                   


Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Wordless Wednesday

This is what the southern tip of Greenland looks like from 35,000 feet but I have to ask...why is Greenland called Greenland and Iceland called Iceland?

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

I am. I'm Afraid.

When you share your life on the internet, you have no control over who reads about it and how they react. I haven’t always been open about certain parts of my life with people I know in real world. I haven’t shared every aspect of our infertility struggles with some friends, and never discuss my relationship/personal life with my employer. But as soon as I write about any of that on the blog, I lose that privilege of setting limits and leave the door to my small world wide open. Anyone can walk in and snoop, and not everyone is going to be nice.

Another fear I’m struggling with is that no one will care about what I have to say. I’m afraid that the post won’t be seen and read. Or it will be ignored. Because I spent time pouring my soul out in a post that might never get noticed. I’m not as much afraid of negative feedback as I’m nervous that there won’t be any feedback at all. I guess, I’m afraid that my writing will be worthless.

I understand that I do not have to share every little bit of my personal life with everyone, but I want to be able to be open about how I feel. I want to be personal in my personal blog, I want the reader to be able to relate to me, I want to find support or guidance if I can, and I want to make a connection with the audience. I feel like I won’t be able to accomplish that hiding behind an anonymous blog, or constantly worrying about what the people I’m not really close to will think about my post. So here I am, with 7-8 posts in drafts awaiting the verdict.

I know that I’m not the only one out there with material sitting in drafts. We are afraid that we will be judged, that the post is not good enough. The fact is, however, that something moved you to write that post. There is energy and emotion behind it. Most likely, there are people who feel exactly the way you do, or share the same opinion on the subject you are writing about. I feel like the more I wait and edit it, the more damage I am doing to it. I’m now not writing about how I really feel or what I think, but create some modified and censored version of my feelings.

As I was writing this post, I came to realize one thing. Nobody is going to give me a solution on how to fix this problem of being afraid to publish some posts. Many bloggers face it, and best we can do is support each other. It is normal for human nature to worry and be afraid sometimes. Only I have the power to make a decision, because nobody knows me better than I do. Whatever I choose to write about, it’s going to be a part of my life. If I want to talk about it, and if I’m choosing to do it online, I guess, I have to be ready to face the possible consequences. Or keep it safe until I’m ready to click “Publish".


*I have a post about jealously, fear and sadness I just wrote after a particularly upsetting dream last night ...it's sitting in my drafts. Perhaps I'll share it soon*




Monday, September 9, 2013

Weekend Recap in Pictures

Ox Roast was this past weekend and although we didn't actually roast Ox, we enjoyed great company, much laughter, cold climbing and amazing food!


1. Rob & I in the boat headed to the cliff 2. Pie, Pies, Pies 3. Caveman TV 4. Posing on "Front of the Pinnacle" 5. Brrr....cold 6. Walrus 7. My tent...my summer home 8. Purple leg warmers...every cool climber needs them 9. Pie eating

How was your weekend?


Friday, September 6, 2013

This Is Not A Funny Face Friday

Please forgive me for skipping out on "Funny Face Friday"...I've instead declared this to be "Holland Holiday Pictures Friday". If I didn't share these now I fear that they would end up sharing the same fate as the "New York City Holiday Pictures" and would never see the light of day. Also...jet lag and my return to work has seriously kicked this old woman flat on her ass and this means that my hunt for Funny Face Friday props just didn't happen. But fear not my lovely peoples...every store in this entire city seems to be already filled with Halloween goodness and this excites me very much (more than it should)...Funny Face Friday will be back before you know it.

Here are pictures from our first few days in Amsterdam...


1. The streets around our hotel 2. Dam Square 3. The stairs of Doom at our hotel that cracked us up every time we opened the door 4. Leaning building 5. Big brother in law, little car 6. Raadhuisstraat street 7. Window view 8. Madame Tassauds in Dam square 9. Lovely street.


Canal Bus tour...


1. Lovely couple 2. Little me, big shoes 3. Pretty buildings 4. Canal 5. Sisters, big shoes 6. Cute car 7. I want to live here 8. Brother in law, sister in law.

City Sights...

1. Beautiful fountain 2. Lovely lady 3. I  a 4. Grrr 5. I amsterdam 6. Old door 7. Sister under an m 8. Another old door 9. Handsome stone man.

Happy weekend!


Thursday, September 5, 2013

Het Strand

As I sit here in front of my computer...I'm longing to be back on holiday. I wasn't ready to come home. I needed more time to roam around Holland! There was so much to see, so much to do!

One of the nicest days we had was a day trip by train from Amsterdam to Den Haag (The Hague) . It's a beautiful city, much bigger and spread out than Amsterdam. The gem of the city is an 11 km stretch of beach called Scheveningen.

I love the flesh fest of going to public watering holes/beaches.

It’s a smorgasbord of body types and sizes, and I'm utterly fascinated...from an anthropological perspective...by the variations, both beautiful and bizarre, that exist between humans when disrobed and on display in blinding broad daylight.

What I love to check out more than anything is the tattoos. The mind boggling gallery of body art where even the most unsuspecting seem to be inked. Fifty year old grannies with soft white crinkled skin sport barbed wire arm bands. Rakish young girls, barely in their teens, are scrawled with fresh floral flourishes and dragonflies. Even the most conservative looking mothers don fading tramp stamps on the lower back (I must admit that I sport one of these)...an eternal reminder of bygone days.

The tat fest is spectacular! A tat-stacular! A human canvas...a fleshy sea of artworks. Old, new, faded, regretted, fresh, frightening. But, in amongst this ocean of ink, one stood out above all others as, seriously, one of the oddest tattoos I've ever seen. Scrawled across the chest of a 30-something young man (from shoulder to shoulder) were the words, boldly emblazoned in fancy, carefree, thick black ink... Family Friends.

But then I thought...Why not family friends? It’s a concept worthy of tattooing equal to all others. In fact, possibly more so. Forget tattooing the name of your girlfriend or wife...who knows when you might find her in bed with the pool boy?

When you break it down, the only truly safe bet for that tell-all, lifelong statement to declare lovingly to the world is family friends! Take, for example, Patricia, your mom's best friend’s kid who you used to bath with when you were four and who once wiped her bum with her finger when the toilet paper had run out, then tried to wipe it on you. Then there’s Keith, the fella you once caught dressed in his wife's dress when you dropped over unexpectedly to collect overdue babysitting money. And don't forget Fran, the lady who always brings bread to BBQ's in a garbage bag.

These are the people who helped to shape our lives, define us, enrich our BBQs. Who better to celebrate? Commemorate? Although they may be the people who we don't necessarily want around, they've been engraved in our lives, as permanently as tattooing ink. If life is a travelling circus, they're our carny freaks. And who more fitting to carve in permanent ink across our chests?

Yet, as I tried to rationalize all of this and be diplomatic and non-judgemental while in line for ice cream, staring with my peripherals from beneath my sun glasses, admiring his daring, I couldn't help but wonder...

Dude, what were you thinking?!





Wednesday, September 4, 2013

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

"I love Eminem"
"I like Skittles better."
"No, the rapper you idiot.."
"You're the idiot! What's good about a M&M wrapper?!"

Skittles by Decomonnah via Etsy



Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Back To Reality

*sigh*

Reality smacked me square in the face this morning when my alarm went off. It was back to work today. Somewhere I did not want to be at. I wish I was still on vacation.

It took pretty much the entire weekend as well as Labor Day to feel somewhat normal (or as normal as I can ever feel). The jet lag was horrible, although I'm sure that the Pub Crawl the night before we flew home had just a little to do with my out of sort-ness as well ☺

I'll be back soon with something that sorta, kinda, maybe resembles a post but for now I leave you with just a few (of the hundreds) of pictures that I took...

Zaanse Schans



Beautiful old church in the heart of the Red Light District

Dam Square, Amsterdam

Scheveningen Beach in The Hauge
Floating Flower Market in Amsterdam



Sunday, September 1, 2013

Casa Dolce Casa

I'm home.
Amsterdam was amazing.
Blogging will commence shortly.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...