Friday, December 12, 2014

Three Months

Well, I blinked and another month went by.

I feel like I live in a time-warp. In a lot of ways, this month went by slowly. But it also feels like it it way too soon for me to have a 3 month old.

Did I do all the things I wanted to do with my newborn? Is he still considered a newborn now that he’s 3 months old? I mean, he’s still wearing some 0-3 months clothes so that has to count for something, right?


Newborn or not...there is no question that he is the cutest baby in the whole wide world. Want proof...


 

 



Happy weekend you lovely peoples!



 

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Monday, December 8, 2014

Who Are These People and Do We Need Them?

Product label writers.
 
Who are they? Who employs them? What is their job description? Here's my thought...they work directly under the legal department of large companies and under the direction of counsel, write directions and warning labels fit for a zombie who just landed on earth and discovered our products for the first time. Because companies are required to provide ample warning of "foreseeable" dangers in their products, this must be a high paid position succeptable to brain strain and writer's block. Prerequisites for the job: Must be from earth, be able to type 5 wpm, and read.
 
I have my own bathroom and Adam has his own bathroom (his bathroom is an ensuite in our bedroom). Now because Adam is usually the only one that ever uses his bathroom, putting down the toilet seat is never on his "To Do List". Quietly, I crawled out of bed this morning at 5:30 am to use the bathroom and got ready to do what I have down to a science while still half asleep on any given night...when using my own bathroom but this particular morning for reasons unknown, I used Adam's bathroom...when my worst nightmare comes true. S P L A S H - arse first right in the bowl - and ladies you know, what do you do when you are falling into the toilet? You grab the slippery cold wet rim of the bowl. Something you've had an aversion to since those dark college nights (or in my case...army nights) of removing the demons you put there after a party. I can't help it...I yell - SONOFA....I compose myself not wanting to wake the baby up (must NOT wake the baby) but I've now bathed in my significant others toilet water, my arse is cold and wet not to mention totally contaminated.
 
The next logical thing in my mind is to say shag it and take a shower as I am a germaphobe anyways and the mere thought of touching or doing anything whilest someone else's toilet water trickles down my arsecrack is making me shudder. I get in the shower. It's early, I'm tired. I proceed to wash my hair and for whatever reason I turn the shampoo bottle over and read the back - why? I don't know but the directions are: Wet hair, apply shampoo from root to tip, massage, rinse. Bells go off! It clicks....wow...this is just like any other shampoo but I need to go from the root to the tip! So this is the salon secret I've been missing! I get to thinking. "Why do we need those instructions?" Is there ever going to be a time when we use shampoo and perhaps we should massage our heads first and then add the shampoo in one big dollup and be done? Oh noooo, I'm now thinking to much and didn't notice if I've applied it to my roots first and then tip or tip and then roots. I've totally failed the following directions part. I hope my hair doesn't fall out.
 
The next thing I notice is the 1-800 number at the bottom of the bottle. I can't help but wonder if someone's ever called it with questions. Is this why the very wealthy have the phones in their showers?
 
  • *Ring, Ring*
  • Thank you for calling Pantene hair products, how can I help you today?
  • Umm, hello, I'm afraid I've made a terrible mistake and applied your shampoo tip first and then roots. Any suggestions?
  • Ohhh that IS a problem. Were you not paying attention to the directions or did something happen that you reversed the order?
  • Yes, I just started thinking about other things...what do I do now?
  • Well, I'm afraid you'll have to go ahead and start the process over again only this time really try to follow those directions! Please call back if you have any other problems.
  • *Click*
 Do we actually need directions and warning labels? What are your thoughts?
 
 
 
It's been a while since I've had a non baby post but in my defense...that boy of mine is pretty blog worthy!
 
 
 

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Throwback Thursday

I'm throwing it back to December 4th, 2011...we were just a few days away from our second frozen embryo transfer (the one that ended in a chemical pregnancy) and I was in the midst of PIO injections. 

A lot sure can change in 3 years!




Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Flip Flops & Ping Pong

Today I learned that parenting is one of the more, um, emotionally schizophrenic experiences a person can have. (And coming from me, that means something.)

Today I flip-flopped from feeling to feeling like an attention-deficitted captain kangaroo. Emotions ping-ponged me over the head while the audience in my head hysterically laughed. I was...pissed right off, exhausted, tolerant, happy, impatient, lazy, contemplative, frustrated, bummed, exhilarated, refreshed, proud, thrilled, joyful, impatient again, curious, worried, anxious, lazy again, frustrated again, disappointed, sad, a little bit panicked, irritable, lonely, cautious, and now tense. There was also some hungry and thirsty in there, and I think once or twice I had to pee.

The point is, I had not anticipated how intense all my mom emotions would be, let alone how easily they would frantically run away...sometimes with me still attached. I can't keep up. The only constant is how much I love Lochlan...which isn't even constant, rather erratically and exponentially accelerating, which only increases my worry and general angst. See? Emotionally schizophrenic.

Days like today leave me so mentally worn out. I'm not sure how to take it all in...how does one absorb this? I feel like I have no room in my brain for anything unrelated to my mom-ness.

This unfortunately makes carving out time for Adam and I a much larger task than even I had expected. Although we've managed to slip in some quick lovely moments over the past days/weeks/months... the truth of the matter is that most things I do feel like chores. Mostly because they are chores, and in some cases gigantic life-dependent responsibilities.

Some activities do feel like a brief respite from chores (such as watching Big Brother Australia and a hot bubble bath) but these are basically survival tactics to which I cling for sanity. In any case, they usually get interrupted and almost always carry guilt right along with them.

I haven't yet learned how to be a whole person again. Right now I'm just a mom, very barely a wife, and basically nothing of a me but I know it'll get better...just gotta keep chugging along


(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

My hand is stuck in a jar of salsa right now. I'm just gonna leave it in there. This is who I am now. I'm tired of fighting.


Thursday, November 27, 2014

Well, blow me down...Lochlan James is now...

2 months 16 days
or 11 weeks 0 days
or 77 days
or 1,848 hours
or 110,880 minutes
or 6,652,800 seconds old

When you have a baby, you enter this strange vortex where time flies except when he’s crying. When he's crying time feels like it's so very slowly ticking by! There are other things that change as well once you've had your wee bundle for a wee while. Here are three things I've learned with a two month old...

You begin to revert back to your childhood bedtime
Remember when having to go to bed felt like a punishment and you went kicking and screaming? Or when you had to go to bed in the summer before it was dark? Ahhh, memories. With a 2 month old baby, you either quickly learn to sleep when he sleeps, or you slowly wither away into a sleep-deprived, former shell of yourself. Lochlan going to bed at 8:30? Sounds great, let me hop into my jammies! The little man is going to nap all afternoon? I’m all in, where’s my favorite blankie? Of course, on the flip side of this is that the 6 to 8 hours of continuous sleep that you used to strive for is now a distant memory that you sometimes dream about during your cat naps.

You will sink to new comedic lows, just to make your baby laugh 
Whether I am right or wrong, I consider myself to have a pretty sophisticated sense of humor. While it is true that I have a sweet spot for poop references and fart jokes, I tend to prefer something more cerebral. The problem here is that little babies do not have a sophisticated sense of humor...trust me, I've tried everything. Maybe they just don't have the mental capacity to follow a long set up, perhaps they miss the subtle twists and play on words or maybe they're just easily distracted. For example, just the other night we watched an episode of Mrs. Browns Boys together and he didn't laugh once, though he did fart a few times (which made me laugh, per usual). When a little baby starts to cry though, you will do anything to make him stop. This includes sticking out your tongue to performing grade school level slapstick. When I say anything, I mean anything!

You will be awakened at sunrise, every single day
Now I understand why babies don't have jobs (it’s because they stink at Excel, right?), but if they did, I believe that they would have a better appreciation for weekends. They would understand the joy, no the need, of sleeping in on Saturdays and Sundays. Instead, they wake as soon as the sun peaks it’s intrusive rays through every little opening in the window treatments. They coo their cute little baby coos and grin their cute little baby grins. If you ignore their performance then the encore will surely grab your attention. That’s the point when cooing turns into full on crying. So you get up and get the day started. After some standard baby maintenance (feeding, changing etc.), you get your breakfast and a cup of coffee. Once the caffeine kicks in, you feel better than expected so you decide to play with the little tyke. Guess what? He’s now enjoying his first of many naps.

I've also learned that having a two month old leaves me little time for blogging but I'm working on that...promise...but right now I've got to go and cuddle my sweet boy!












Wednesday, October 29, 2014

You're Doing Great

Lochlan was six weeks old last Friday. This means many things, but the most all-consuming thing of the sixth week of life has been his six-week growth spurt which we are in the midst of. I lovingly refer to this as the “growth spurt from hell” as it seems to be the most difficult one of all thus far. In happier news, once this growth spurt has passed we move on to happier times.
 
First, though, we must get through this growth spurt. It's the one where I decided that my milk supply is vanishing, that my baby actually hates me...but not as much as baby hates anyone (Adam) who attempts to hold him without a breast for him to latch onto. 
 
Lochlan is divinely unpleasant, fussy, and does not believe at all in the idea of sleep...at least at night (he's been asleep all morning). He switches sides constantly and is pretty vocal about his annoyance when there is not enough milk or when there is too much milk. He flails his little limbs in displeasure, and pummels me with his fists while tsking at me like an angry squirrel.

I know that this is a growth spurt and I know we will pass through it and while we wait to pass through this spurt, here are things I know and will try my best to remember...
  • I know that you are getting enough.
  • I know that the contents of my milk adjust across time to meet your needs, and that your fussiness is not because you’re starving but because your body and mine are communicating and modifying my supply to meet your needs.
  • I know that the way that I make this easier for both you and for me is to listen, to go through the motions, to switch you from side to side, to talk to you, to soothe you in all the ways I can, and to soldier on through trusting both your body and mine to do what needs to be done.
  • I know from the poopy and wet diapers that you are putting out that not only are you getting enough, you’re practically drowning in milk. I know that the frequency of your nursing is making sure that you get the highest fat milk from my body.
  • I know that how you are acting is not an indicator of my supply, nor is it a judgment of my ability to provide for you. It is how breastfeeding works. It is an indication that things are perfect and as nature designed. You nurse frequently to keep me there with you. You nurse frequently to keep my breasts empty so that my body will produce more milk rather than releasing a protein that decreases lactation. You nurse frequently so that the milk you drink is all high fat, not foremilk. You nurse frequently so that your belly will fill more slowly from a less full breast, so that you will digest more slowly and use every iota of what my milk provides for you, rather than gulping it down only to poop it out as quickly as you can eat.
Knowing all of this doesn't make it any easier. Lochlan and I are deeply loved by people that care a tremendous deal about us. No one likes to hear him whimper while he nurses (most of all me). His displeasure is obvious. No one likes to see me exhausted with bags under my eyes. No one likes offering to hold Loch to give me a break only to have him cry moments later because he needs to nurse again. Out of love they ask if maybe my milk supply is low. I refer them to the stack of diapers that disappears so quickly across the day that your growth spurt means we are running through a significant amount of diapers per day. He's eating so much, pooping and peeing so much. He's getting enough. My supply is fine.

You’re doing great, beautiful mama and boy.

You’re doing great.




(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I like the word funfetti because it takes confetti and it repurposes it for fun!



Thursday, October 23, 2014

Lessons Learned

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things I've learned during Lochlan’s first 6 weeks of life. Here's a sampling... 
  • Yes. My baby really is the cutest baby ever. Cutest baby in the whole world, in fact.
  • Even though I'm a horrible singer, Lochlan loves to hear my voice.
  • For the most natural thing in the world, breastfeeding does not always come naturally. I've read books and reached out to a lactation consultant and didn't put too much pressure on myself.
  • Let Adam do as much of the childcare as possible, even if I secretly think he's doing it “wrong.” He probably isn't...he's just doing it differently than me and he worst thing I can do is make him feel obsolete or useless.
  • For the most natural thing in the world, breastfeeding does not always come naturally. Read books, surround yourself with good and helpful examples, and reach out to a lactation consultant.
  • I desperately, desperately, DESPERATELY want to feel, look, and act like my ‘old self.’ Don’t forget to remind myself that I JUST HAD A BABY. Don’t put too much pressure on myself.
  • Don’t compare my behind-the-scenes mom footage to someone else’s highlight reel.
  • Even when Lochlan is happily sleeping, I'm still going to wake up in a panic and make sure he's still breathing. This may last for months and months I think.
  • My house is going to be a disaster. It’s okay. There’s plenty of time to clean up later.
  • I don’t have to change his diaper just because it has a drop of pee in it. It's taken me six weeks to realize this! Oh, and there's SO. MUCH. POOP.
The best part...I still have a whole lot of exciting learning to do!

Mamas milk makes me dopey!

Baby in a pot...why not!


Wednesday, October 22, 2014

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

My salad for lunch is missing one key ingredient which would make it perfect. Donuts.



Tuesday, October 21, 2014

See Saw

I've read that parenting can feel a lot like riding on a roller coaster. I certainly see why. However, when you're on a roller coaster, you have absolutely no control over your situation. I happen to think it's a bit more like riding on a seesaw. You go up and down, up and down. For a while, it's fun. You get the hang of it. You learn to control parts of your ascent and descent...relying on the other kid (in our case, baby Loch.) to participate. To help out and keep the ride going.

On the ups, it's all smiles and giggles.

The downs are made bearable because you've learned together how to go up again.

Sometimes when you're up...that other kid jumps off without warning. You crash to the ground. You're rattled. Your butt hurts. You cry because whatever just happened happened so fast. But you walk it off. The next day at recess, you forget all of that. You ride the seesaw again with that same kid.

That's where we are today.

Girl Cat Design via Etsy


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