Wednesday, August 26, 2015

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me.




Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Hey I Heard You Were a Wild One

Eleven months...this is how long my little man has been giving us a run for our money.

He's a little climber, he'll be up the stairs in the blink of an eye & is always finding ways to escape anywhere we put him and also likes to get himself stuck under varying pieces of furniture and toys. He squeals, grunts & makes zombie noises when he sees something he wants, and doesn't usually stop until he gets it or is distracted well with something else. Changing his diaper and getting him dressed are Olympic sports these days. If he's not sleeping, he's moving!

Little man is stubborn & wild, but sweeter than sugar.

He loves to be rocked & sang to...singing George Ezra's 'Budapest' will calm him down anytime he's crying. Adam has been singing this to him for months and if it plays on the radio, he'll stop what ever he's doing and immediately demand to be picked up and held as long as it plays. Songs over and he's back to business. He's such a snuggler, he could stay in our arms after his bedtime feed forever if we let him. He loves hugs, high fives, fist bumps, kisses & holding our hands to walk, and will always put his sweet little head on my shoulder if I'm holding him. I relish the snuggles for I know they are fleeting. Time passes too quickly when you have a baby I'm discovering.

Here's a glimpse of what eleven months looks like...


Age - 11 months

Stats - Weighs 17.5 lbs, 27.5 inches...wee but mighty! Still wears Baby Gap size 3-6 months and some 6-12 months. I bought a ton of 6-12 month shorts back in the spring that sadly, he still doesn't fit into so I had to order some more 3-6 month to get us through the summer. He has 5 teeth with a sixth ready to pop at any moment. As a side note...top teeth teething has been brutal! 

Favorite Foods - Blueberries, bananas, ravioli, yogurt, sweet potato, cooked carrots and peas, yogurt melts & Cheerios. He shovels blueberries into his mouth faster than I can cut them in half! 

Words - Dada for sure but he's more of a babbler with dozens of sounds to express himself. He has the best little squeal when he's excited about something. 

Favorite Activities - Eating, seriously this kid is happiest with a mouth full of food. Chasing the cats around the dining room table, crawling at light speed & laughing hard while kitty runs from him. Clapping, swinging, climbing, playing peek-a-boo & taking baths. 

Favorite Things - Loves loves to push around the Hape Wonder walker. He loves to chew on anything and everything (people too) and loves to watch Bubble Guppies. Throwing and banging things and toilets! 

Least Favorite Things - Car rides, sleeping, diaper changes, baby gates, and really anything else that keeps him contained. As soon as he started crawling he was so done with the jumparoo and jolly jumper.

Signature Moves - Rocking back & forth with his hands in the air, especially in his high chair while he's eating. Standing up & squealing with excitement, then falling over. Sticking his fingers in our mouths while he read to him & then laughing. Smiling so big with his bottom teeth sticking out & his eyes closed tight, it's really just about the cutest smile ever.

We love you so much, Lochlan James! You are the life of the party & your smile lights up the room. We can't wait to continue watching you grow, you get sweeter every single day, eleven months & counting!















(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Just looked at the bottom of this can of whoopass. It's expired.




Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Who Are These People and Why Do We Need Them - Part II

I don't often drink coffee but this morning I was craving a cup (perhaps because Lochlan was awake every two hours last night) so I made a pot and poured myself a cup of coffee. I opened the fridge and reached for the creamer - Silk french vanilla - perfect - a lovely treat (that I don't remember buying. I blame the lack of sleep). As I shake and pour ( I didn't even need directions, imagine that), I notice yet another warning label on the container. WARNING: NOT TO BE USED AS INFANT FORMULA. Okay...I have to ask...who in their right flapping mind would pour Silk french vanilla creamer into a baby bottle and say "Brilliant! Now I don't have to go the store today for formula!" Are the legal departments of these companies sitting around thinking these things up or are they actually doing this and calling the 1-800 number on the back of the product?

A few others for you to ponder and then I will sign off...

I merely looked into the medicine cabinet at home for some easy winners of the useless label contest:
  • Tylenol PM - May cause drowsiness - I paid good money to fall into a deep-coma-like sleep..it better cause a whole lot more than drowsiness. 
  • Windex - as you know from My Big Fat Greek Wedding - a staple in any greek home. Warning: Do not spray directly in eyes. Really? 
  • Bandaids - Directions: Cover affected area with Bandage. Really? I was thinking I'd cover my eye so I didn't have to look at the wound. 
  • Pepto - Do not use if you have a black stool. My friend has 3 black stools at her breakfast bar. I need to warn her...she shouldn't never have this bottle in the house. 
In conclusion - I'd like to say that if we are going to eliminate jobs, the writers of these ads should go first.

Also, if we are going to continue to insist on catering to those that need to be pointed out the obvious, then they should also have to wear a warning label. Imagine how much easier our lives would be then. Imagine getting in the returns line at Walmart behind someone who's warning label says "WARNING: this person is prone to ask too many questions of the clerk returning the item, may also contemplate applying for credit card and take too long looking for ID. Prone to text during transactions as well. Proceed with caution."

Wouldn't we be so lucky to know these things ahead of time in our daily lives. I imagine my warning label would go a little something like this...

"Warning, this woman tends to be cranky when tired, has a blatant overuse of sarcasm, and known for an F bomb or two, use caution when entering her personal space."


What would your warning label say?



Thursday, August 6, 2015

Forty

On August 3rd I tuned 40 years old.

I was actually looking forward to turning 40. With each passing decade, my life gets better and better. My twenties were somewhat of a mess. My thirties were better as I met my partner, had great employment and had a baby.

Standing on the doorstep of my 40s is a positive for me. I know that I have an amazing partner and I am truly lucky to have him. I also know that my love for my son knows no bounds and watching him grow is an indescribable experience. The 40s will bring me more peace, within me and on the periphery. It does not scare me, although that may be due to the fact that everyone thinks I am in my early thirties (Good genes, I guess!). I know my life has improved over time and turning 40 will not change that. It is just a number, right?

Why should it matter? I don't feel 40, but when I turned 30, I didn't feel that, either. I don't know what it is supposed to feel like and the truth is, why should I even spend time worrying about that? Forty years is a long time and only I hold the key to my feelings and my experiences from these past 40 years. Certainly, my parents, siblings and friends can describe some of this, but I am the only one who can speak about my own feelings and experiences, as they are mine.

Instead of worrying about a number, why don't we celebrate more? Forty is a milestone, for sure, and I want to celebrate all I have been through: good and bad. So many thoughts and memories flood my head. The tough times were worth it because I would not be who I am today if not for the past 40 years of experiences.

Starting with a "normal" childhood, which was very happy. My early twenties was a mix of difficult and greatness: being on my own for the first time when my parents moved across the country. I made great friends though and was able to experience military life but it was not until I met Adam at the age of 32 that I felt comfortable and able to be my authentic self. He is partly responsible for my happiness in my 30s, even through the stress and emotional roller coaster of fertility treatments (IVF, frozen transfers, major surgery). Lochlan is my ultimate joy in my life. He is our miracle.

So, what will now happen in my life as I enter the 40s? It will certainly be interesting, but based on my life thus far, there will be more growing and more understanding of the people I love and those who love me. Now that's what I call a cause for celebration, don't you?





Wednesday, August 5, 2015

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Technically there is a lot of food in this house but none it is sweet or microwaveable therefore there is no food in the house.


Wednesday, July 8, 2015

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

This is just a quick shout-out to bread bowls, waffle cones and other edible containers. You guys are doing a great job. Keep up the good work.




Monday, July 6, 2015

Illuminate

I love candles!

But I don’t simply love candles...I am a freak for candles. I would be so down with being transported back to say, the early 1800s because, well first of all time travel equals awesome, but also think about all those candles. Back when there wasn't electricity...everyone rocked candles. Back then people would even have these little candle trays they would use to carry their candles around on and everything was always kind of terrifying because the only thing lit at night would be the area around the candle which sounds both very romantic and very scary and possibly both at the same time which is fun too.

Nowadays candles are just sort of tossed aside as this decorative item that costs way more than I am willing to spend on an average meal so my candle buying is limited. I mean I would love to purchase a thirty-dollar homemade organic wax candle that smells exactly like a unicorn cried into a grapefruit but I’d also like to feed and clothe my family. So nowadays, getting to enjoy candles is not quiet as easy as it was back in the Days of Yore. But that’s where discount department stores come in handy. Mainly Winners and Homesense. They have some pretty decent sales in the home goods aisles, and that almost always includes candles.

Just the other day I took Lochlan for an excursion to my favorite local Winners, (we need the change of scenery) and I found a few 'cheap' candles. Based on the number of candles purchased you'd think I was stocking up for the impending zombie apocalypse when we will lose all power and have to rely on candles for light lest we get eaten by a zombie just because it’s dark out and we couldn't figure out where to go. 


The thing is, if you want to get into the big serious romantic candle shrine type mood then you are going to need a literal boatload of candles. And you definitely don’t want all those candles to be scented because there is a very real chance you will pass out from candle fumes and or hallucinate that a giant Tahitian Gardenia is doing interpretive dance with some Spanish Sandalwood while White Linen eats a Fig on a Bamboo Teak tabletop. So just get one or two scented candles and then go straight bananas in the unscented candle section. Snatch up every odorless waxed wick you can find! Then just disperse the candles in the place of your choosing, light away, and rejoice in all those flickering flames.

Now remember to always practice candle safety because everyone knows about that dude who left a candle burning in his dorm room and he lit his super cool tapestry that his sister brought him from Spain on fire and then the building burned down. I would also not recommend laying on a bed surrounded by candles à la Claire Danes as Juliet, because first of all, those candles look expensive; secondly, if you are as klutzy as I am, chances are 100% you’ll burn yourself...but mostly you should just remember that no one is ever going to look as good as Claire Danes looks when she’s emoting.



Saturday, July 4, 2015

Nine Months

Someday I'll get my act together, my thoughts on an even keel and back to writing again. 

Someday.

Someday...when I'm getting more then four hours of sleep in a row. 
Someday...when Lochlan naps for more then forty minutes at a time. 
Someday...when I'm done updating my resume and looking for work. 
Someday...when I've sorted day care out. 

Someday. 

Until then...here's Lochlan in his ninth month...














Thursday, May 28, 2015

A Love Affair

I love pizza. So I am going to tell you a little bit about my love affair with pizza. (Aren't you excited? I’m excited! I can’t even tell you how long I've wanted a forum to gush about the virtues of pizza!

My favorite kind of pizza is plain cheese pizza. Cheese pizza is pizza in its purest and most delicious. Frankly, I don’t think there is anything that tastes better on this sweet planet than a cheese pizza.

Sometimes when I’m thinking about what I want for dinner and I’m mulling my options with Adam or a friend, if someone mentions pizza then that’s it, we are getting pizza. If it’s not already on my mind (which it almost always is), and then someone else puts it on my mind, then there is almost no way I’m going to be eating anything other than pizza.

Here’s another important thing about my love affair with pizza...I'm not a pizza snob. I love it all. I love McCain, which is barely pizza, and I love the pizza you get at movie theaters and I love the Loblaws pizza and I love Domino’s thin crust and I loved the pizza that was served in the dining hall in my army days, and I love breakfast pizza and I love salad pizza and I love all the fancy high faluting pizzas you can get at fancy pizzerias or make at home in your very own kitchen. It’s all good. Of course I have pizza preferences (thin crust, ham and pineapple, never deep dish), but all in all, if it’s pizza then I’m going to love it.

I spend a lot of time thinking about pizza. I have a lot of philosophical questions about pizza. Some of these questions are:

  • What if my soul mate is pizza? 
  • Does pizza spend as much time thinking about me as I think about pizza? 
  • Why is pizza the same word in just about every language? Does that prove that pizza is the best food out there? 
  • Why are there not more restaurants called The Leaning Tower of Pizza? 
  • If I was stranded on a desert island how would I ensure that one of the items I would have with me at all times would be a piping fresh and hot and delicious and ready-to-eat pizza? 
  • Why don’t more bagel places offer pizza bagels? 
  • Why don’t more diners offer breakfast pizza? 
  • Why do I not own a cat/dog/fish/exotic pet named pizza? 
  • Why isn't my name pizza?
So anyway pizza is awesome and I think everyone pretty much agrees with me, right? Like, who doesn't like pizza? I honestly don’t think I've ever met anyone who doesn't! I would be very interested to meet an anti-pizza person, I must admit. I would like to study their brain and their food habits and maybe follow them around. Because if you are not eating pizza on a regular basis then what exactly are you eating?

Okay now I have to go eat pizza!


Wednesday, May 27, 2015

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

I would organize my thoughts but I'm afraid they would form a union and demand benefits.


Sunday, May 17, 2015

Seven & Eight

7 months old ~ April 12th
Little music maker








8 months old ~ May 12th
8 months of Lochlan James

Middle of The Day

Dear People in Coffee Shops in the Middle of the Day,

Hi! I have a lot of questions about you! See, like you, I am one of the people who can sometimes be found in a coffee shop in the middle of the day (even more so now that I'm on maternity leave), and I cannot help but wonder about my cafe squatting brethren. I mean, I know why I'm here...I'm here because I have an 8 month old and and sometimes I get bored being at home all day, therefore the need for a change of scenery, leads me to the closest coffee shop. But what about you? It’s almost 2 in the afternoon on a Thursday and you are in a coffee shop! Are you like me? I want to know what you are doing here and I want to know your story! I want to know everything about all of these people in the coffee shop in the middle of the day!

What are you doing? Are you on Facebook? Instagram? Pinterest? All three at once? Are you inventing a new social media website? Are you emailing with someone? Who? What are they saying? Are you writing? What are you writing? Is it a script? A book? An essay on coffee shop aesthetics? Are you lonely? Are you employed? Is this your job? Doesn't it annoy you to have that plate of crumbs sitting on the table for hours on end? Wouldn't you just go and throw it out by now? How much coffee have you had? Would you still come here even if they didn't have free WiFi? What did you do before free WiFi existed? Who is your favorite superhero? Do you like the music they are playing? Are you as creeped out by that one weird dude in the corner as I am?

It’s weird because if you go to a coffee shop in the middle of the day in just about any city (and probably some small towns, too) there will always people in that coffee shop. People you might see once and never again. People who could be visiting, people who could be your next door neighbor who you've never met. It’s a strange existence, the coffee shop life, because I have so many questions and am so very curious about all the other people I occasionally encounter during my coffee shop visits, and yet I never actually talk to anyone or ask anyone who anyone is or what anyone is doing. That’s the thing...we’re all here for a purpose, and whatever that purpose is, because we know there is one, it’s as though the cafe dwellers abide by a code. Everyone is often polite but has very little interaction with each other.

The people who go to coffee shops in the middle of the day are unified by their purpose and desire to be in the coffee shop and protected by this shared intention, even though some of us are strangers and we’ll never meet and I’ll never know what you are writing on your computer and what music you are listening to and where you came from and where you are going to. We are strangers yet we are all so alike in one way or another and that's cool.

Warm regards,
Janet


Monday, April 13, 2015

Pliers, Ropes, Chain & Pokers

Forget pliers. Forget ropes, chains, red-hot eye pokers. The greatest form of psychological torture, sure to elicit screams of mercy from any terrorist on 24, is standing in a twenty-five person line at the post office and watching as two of the three clerks...who have been moving at speeds generally reserved for slowly eroding rock formations...put "closed" signs in their windows as they sit there, averting their eyes, typing on their computers.

Ugh!



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