Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Pantalon

Remember those pair of pants you bought that never fit you even though they seemed like they did in the store? You totally would have returned them, but you’re lazy and throwing money away is sort of a hobby of yours. 

Then one night, at 12:15 a.m. you are digging through your closet to find something to wear to work as well as trying to find all of the elastic waisted pants you own, that you'll undoubtedly want to wear after the surgery you are having on Thursday, when you stumble across those pants and you think...maybe...and you try them on and they totally fit. 

And you're not sure whether you should feel elation over not having to do laundry at one in the morning or depression over finally being fat enough to wear the pants that never fit you.

Monday, October 29, 2012

The Walking Dead Has Got Me Thinking

It’s a bird…it’s a plane…it’s another tragic, yet trendy apocalyptic zombie attack! Zombies are everywhere, and with Halloween around the corner, their cultural relevance is about to hit harder than ever. I expect to see Facebook plastered with photos of zombie couples, zombies dressed like sexy versions of themselves and even a Zombie Honey Boo Boo or two. Why do we love zombies? They’re deformed and rude and they aren't the best listeners. But from Thriller to Magic: The Gathering to zombie 5ks, we can’t get enough of them. Death by the living dead is quickly becoming a commonly accepted way to go, and many believe when the time comes, they will be one of the few left standing. But if the zombie apocalypse is coming, rather than reading Flesh Eating for Dummies, I propose a simpler solution that will make a zombie apocalypse bearable.

Let it happen.

If zombies wiped out my family and friends and everyone I kind of want to have lunch with next week, I wouldn't start running for my life, and I’m not sure why people look forward to the idea. Heck, I would probably be the first to go, because being 5’3” makes me an easy target. But if kicking zombie ass was an option, I still don’t think I would want to survive an outbreak. And you shouldn't want to, either. And before you can say Chuck Norris, I’m going to tell you why.

First, we should understand what zombies are, exactly. Put simply, they are the undead. They’re dead, but act like they’re alive. You could say zombies get the best of both worlds, if the best part of being dead is remaining among the living, and the best part of being alive is achieving blithe unawareness to what others think of you. Basically, zombies are rubber and you’re glue; you’re not going to hurt these guys any time soon with your words. Being a zombie sounds like a big confidence booster, which they probably thrive on, what with that whole “feasting on human flesh” thing.

The most obvious yet overlooked fact: you would get to become one of them. If a zombie attacks you, it’s not the end of the world. (Ha!) Okay, it’s the end of the living world, but the start of a whole new one. A limping, grunting, slouching way of life. And like we pointed out earlier, nobody’s judging.

A zombie attack is essentially a plague. Not a fad you can ignore or escape or hope won’t happen to you, like acid washed jeans. Bruce Willis isn't going to come and save you at the last minute, and what kind of existence is living in a survival shelter anyway? You can only play so many games of solitaire. This is a plague that when enough people become infected, it’s inevitable that it will get you, too. Besides, Bruce Willis isn't the same Bruce Willis he was in Die Hard, and there’s a chance you could outrun him now.

Even if you thought you could survive, who are you kidding? No amount of movies, book reading or TV can prepare you for a zombie attack. When they’re lunging toward you from all angles with that dead look in their eyes? You may be faster than a stumbling, bumbling idiot, but when thousands of zombies are all that’s left, my money’s on them.

When the time comes, it would be a lot simpler if we give in and become zombies, too. And, a lot more fun! 


Keep Calm Until Zombies Attack by A Pear of Pears via Etsy

Friday, October 26, 2012

I beat You

Take that iPhone 5...I beat you!

Here is an "unstretched" version of my vlog. I'm happy. I was unhappy with the stretched Janet. It clearly was not a good look for me.


Funny Face Friday


Happy Weekend Peoples!


Thursday, October 25, 2012

It's About Time

I know, I know...bad Janet.

After pulling my hair out and when all else failed, stomping like a child, I've finally been able to upload this damn vlog! However, I have not been able to figure out how NOT to stretch out the video. I swear to you, it looks just fine on my end but for whatever reason, when I upload it stretches it out and this annoys me so!

I also discovered  a few things in the process:
  • I discovered that I now hate my iPhone 5. You can suck it 5.
  • I discovered that I miss my iPhone 4 terribly. I'm so sorry 4 for giving up on you. I've made a terrible mistake. Please forgive.
  • I discovered that I say "Um" and "ridiculous" a lot.
  • I discovered that being trapped in an elevator with Captain Tightpants & Cullen Bohannan just might be my version of heaven.
  • I discovered that after hearing myself sing and not subjecting you to my awesome dance moves was the right decision.
  • I discovered that Digital Media converter is actually quite clever. You see those nice green letters? This is like a lighthouse beckoning to lost sailers "Come to me, coooome to me". "I will guide you home" It's because of the cleverness and dedication that I applaud them.
  • I discovered that the "stretched out" look is not a good one for me.
  • I discovered that for the past 37 years what I thought I sounded like is actually not even close to the truth.
  • I discovered that talking to ones self whilst simultaneously looking at ones self...is hard even though I talk to myself ALL of the time.
  • I discovered that I really like apples.
I also discovered that I fall right into the notion that all Canadians say "eh".
Without further ado...I present to you...my vlog...




Trapped By Technology

I did it. 

I taped my vlog. But it's trapped on my iPhone. 

iPhone 5...why ya gotta be hatin? 4 was so nice to me. You...not so much. Argh!

Does anyone know how to transfer video from the iPhone 5 to a PC and it what format it must be in?



Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Please Forgive Me

For I have yet to upload my Vlog. 
Now there is a very good reason why...
I haven't yet videotaped it.
Bad Janet.

But I promise...
It will be here soon.

Vintage Movie Camera Print by The Light Fantastic via Etsy


Monday, October 22, 2012

Video Cometh

I Janet, do solemnly swear that I will post my Stupid Stork video in an appropriate amount of time. Soon not only will you be able to read the crazy...you'll be able to see and hear the crazy. You're welcome.

Weekend Recap In Pictures

This weekend we had the pleasure of attending a wedding. One of Adam's cousins was married. It was an eventful and amazing weekend. 
Beautiful drive to my sister's place....I heart fall leaves
After driving 2.5 hours Friday night, we realized that while packing that both of us had neglected to pack the garment bag that was on the bed. This bag...not only had my dress but Adam's dress shirt and pants for the wedding...oops! Do we drive home and then 5 hours to the wedding very early Saturday morning or do we buy new clothes? We woke up early Saturday morning, drove for an hour and stopped at a mall to buy new clothes for the wedding.
This is me changing in a very tiny bathroom at a restaurant around the corner from the church 15 minutes before the wedding.
This is the $20 dress that I bought in just a few minutes.
Adam's outfit did not cost $20 but we're still smiling. The worst part about this...Thursday night we went shopping and both bought new outfits! I can guarantee that we will not forget that garment bag again!

Christ Anglican Church in Bobcaygeon, ON
The church is about a 140 years old and holds special meaning for Adam's family as  Adam's great grandfather attended this church after arriving from England. Stunning.

The reception space was perfect. Amazing food, great music and time spent with family. These really are life's best moments.
Bobcaygeon Inn...old, historic and interesting. Oh...and where I also ran into Kenny Rogers at 2 o'clock in the morning. Okay...it was a Kenny Rogers impersonator but hey...it was still cool.
Love the Bagpipes
Adam's sister Emily. I love this girl...it helps that she's my kind of crazy!

How was your weekend?



Thursday, October 18, 2012

Fear, Miedo, Peur, Timor

Fear - noun - A distressing emotion aroused by impending danger, evil, pain, etc., whether the threat is real or imagined; the feeling or condition of being afraid. Synonyms: foreboding, apprehension, consternation, dismay, dread, terror, fright, panic, horror, trepidation, qualm. Antonyms: courage, security, calm, intrepidity.

To me, the words ‘‘fear” and “surgery” are inextricably connected. Not only that, but hospital stays in general are full of unfamiliar experiences that I'm sure can easily jeopardize even the strongest sense of emotional well being. To be a patient in the modern age means to give up control and place yourself in the hands of another, whose job it is to lead you through the maze of treatment options and back to recovery. I trust that I'll be looked after, that I will be safe and alright.

But...

I'm incredibly fearful of my upcoming surgery. As the date gets closer, I find myself waking up at night thinking about it. I find it creeping into my day at unexpected moments. It sits on my shoulder weighing me down. 

What I do is know is this - Fear is a choice. You actually choose to be afraid. And you can deliberately choose to live without it. All you have to do is make a conscious decision, a decision to not be afraid. When something stands in your way, you must ask yourself, what am I afraid of?

I am afraid...but I have faith that it will all be okay.

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Who invented hugs? I mean the first hug would have been sooo awkward.

 "What are you doing, why are you holding me?" 

"Shhh just trust me"

Can I Have A Hug by Paintings Evolved via Etsy

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

How Do You Do It?

You may recall that last month I molested a mannequin and I'm still not too sure just how I feel about it. It's not something that I'll soon be able to forget either as I pass her at least once a week when I treat myself to a take out lunch. I quicken my pace as I approach her store and I try not to make eye contact but there are moments when I look up and our eyes meet. She smiles, I blush as I look around for mall security convinced that I'll be recognized and immediately arrested. 

The whole situation though has me thinking. How do they do it? I'm curious so I've written them a letter.

Dear Sir or Madam (I have a sixth sense that the person who dresses mannequins for your nice clothing store is a lady, but as one should not make presumptions I shall not presume either way. And for what it’s worth I think men are equally as capable of dressing mannequins as women),

How do you do it?

I am, of course, referring to your ability to dress the headless mannequins of your fine clothing selling establishment. I understand the logistics...a headless mannequin must be similar to dressing a headless doll, or a heavily sedated 100lb dog...but what specifically am I referring to? I am so glad you asked! You see, one of your fine clothing selling establishments is just a few blocks from where I work and as I am often walking past (or into) your clothing selling establishment, I have become quite familiar with the mannequins. I have named them Lisa, Sally, Erica, Betsy, Mildred and Beth. Just kidding that would be weird.

Your mannequins are very well dressed. Your mannequins make the impossible look, well, possible. See, the clothes sold at your clothes selling establishment, which I will heretoforehenceforth refer to as The Shop, are…nice. I write “nice” hesitantly, because while I like most of the clothing at The Shop, I find much of it curious. So curious, in fact, that I have some questions:


  • Why must so many dresses have sequins & prints? Do you have any dresses with just sequins?
  • Why do half of the dresses and skirts have mullet cuts? By which I mean they are short in the front and very long in the back?
  • Whose grandmother did you steal that crochet sweater from?
  • Does any of your lingerie have underwire and/or actual support for large-chested women? (not that I am a large chested woman, although I wish to be)
  • Can I take a nap in your dressing room?
  • When you say "sale" you really mean "a few dollars off" right?
  • Is your target demo clog wearing middle aged divorced artists who live in "The Glebe"?
  • How on Earth did you make that mannequin look so good?
Seriously lady (or dude, sorry), you've got a good eye because those mannequins somehow manage to convince people that they totally should buy a sequined paisley print mullet dress that will look best when accompanied by a grandmother’s crochet sweater. With clogs. And a feather earring...but just one of course.

Kudos to you, Person Responsible for Dressing the Mannequins at The Shop Store. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m so glad you do.

Paper Mache Mannequin by La Factoría Plástica via Etsy

Monday, October 15, 2012

Funny Business

This was going to be a post about my upcoming surgery but truthfully, I'm terrified and doing my best to try and not think about it. Perhaps I'll save that post for another day.

To try and offset my fear and anxiety, I've been doing my best to talk/think about other things. Things such as laughter...

I love to laugh. I know that probably sounds like the dumbest statement ever because you know, who doesn't and all, but I really, really love it. There’s nothing better than laughing so hard that there are tears rolling down your face and you can barely breathe. Most likely this happens over the littlest things but isn't that what humour is all about? The funniest stuff is often the realest; stuttering, clumsiness, terrible pranks? Count me in.

One of my favourite things in the entire world is definitely that joyous creation known as the blooper reel. Gag reel, outtakes, call them what you like – it’s hilarious when people mess up. I often think about how much time and tape I’d waste if I ever did any serious acting work because everything is funny to me and I'm terrible at playing it straight. It’s okay, casting directors! There’s enough of me to go around!

In addition, I'm pretty sure I'm the only almost 40 adult female who still considers America’s Funniest Home Videos to be appointment viewing. I love it! So much so that I even refer to it by the acronym AFHV, which often confuses people and then makes them wonder how that show is still on the air. Hello, earth to everyone! It’s hysterical! Who doesn't love to see kids fall off a trampoline or a cat miss the fish tank it was attempting to jump atop or a dad get hit in the crotch with a whiffle ball bat? If you answered “me” to the above question, see yourself out.

I could talk about how much I love laughing over stupid stuff for hours, but let’s not waste anymore time. Instead, here are some of my favourite go-to videos when I’m looking for a giggle...


Serenity Blooper Reel

Firefly & Serentiy are perhaps my most favorite of favorite TV show and movie...plus...I have a giant crush on Captain Tightpants - also know as - Nathan Fillion. Love him! If you are reading this Nathan...call me.

I've got to give a shout out to Just For Laughs...it's Canadian...like me 

What about you. What makes you laugh when you are feeling down and need a giggle? Perhaps you'll share. I am going to need something to help me pass the time after my surgery. Two weeks at home...I'll need all the help I can get!

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Frankensteinian

Despite my paranoia about foodborne illness, I will tear up some cake batter with wild abandon - an action done without concern or an action done carelessly/flippantly...according to Urban Dictionary. Not that I ever make them a whole lot, really, but when I do, roughly ¾ of said mix ends up in the oven while the rest ends up in my belly, raw eggs and all. It is delicious, although it’s not entirely nutritious. But who cares...Say yes to life!

Some geniuses at a confectionery company have managed to master the whole "possibility of salmonella" predicament while keeping the cake batter goodness intact in candy form. Not to mention the fact that they've upped the ante by covering it in sprinkles. Whaaaat? I know, right.

I discovered these little beauties hiding way up high on a shelf at the store the other day - this should have been my first warning - but no, I'm brave like that and was willing to try. I mean what could go wrong. Surely these were going to be as delightful as I imaged. Right?

I waited until the right moment to sit and enjoy. It was a lovely evening, I was tucked into the corner of the sofa with a cup of tea and a blank covering my feets. The moment was now...

I opened the box and pulled out the bag...

Ugh. The thing is, they were pretty unattractive out of the bag. Small orbs, no bigger than a pea, with ice cream sprinkles haphazardly mashed onto a chalky, greyish coating. According to the box, they have a wheat-based center with a candy coating. And sprinkles. Don't forget the sprinkles.

While I give kudos to the company for explicitly stating that the chief ingredient is "white birthday cake," I can't help but shudder at how unappealing these are to eat. I was thinking how "Frankensteinian" these things were. That being said, I was still holding onto a shred of hope.

I popped a few in my mouth. The truth - I could nosh them with no enjoyment or sentiment, they're absolutely terrible and Frankensteinian. Opening the bag, I was struck with a clinical, powdery scent, like the coating on a pair of medical disposable gloves. That alone was so unappealing that I almost didn't eat these at all. But I did. 


The texture of these is really off putting...grainy. The graininess made me feel like I was chewing on a tablespoon of pure granulated sugar mixed with greasy shortening. There's no cake flavor to speak of and the mushy, irregularly textured center is a far cry from the fluffy, fragrant plushness of actual birthday cake. There were quite a few sprinkles in each bite which threw off the ratio of sprinkles to cake and turned them from a garnish to an ingredient. Those of you who have eaten raw sprinkles know that they taste kind of gross, with a crumbly, chalky waxiness and a strangely fruity sweet aftertaste, like that of an artificial sweetener. These were terrible.

Even for a dollar, I was pretty disappointed.

They also make Cinnamon Bun Bites, Red Velvet Cupcake Bites and Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough...although I'm sure I can't buy these sweet little devils in Canada...however, I'm thinking that just might be a good thing afterall.


What sweet treats do you love?


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Almost Wordless Wednesday

Adam wanted to talk to me about my immaturity, but he couldn't. He doesn't know the password to my secret fort.
Overgrown Fort print by Gabriel Daniels via Etsy

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Growing Older

Thirty seven. 37. Trente sept. XXXVII.

Age has been at the forefront of my life now more than ever. It seems to matter a whole lot more when you are trying to have a baby. Advanced maternal age is stamped all over my paperwork. It reminds me a little of the Scarlet letter but it makes me wonder...

I wonder why growing older got a bad rep somewhere along the way.

Maybe it was the advancements in surgery or maybe it’s just having more limited definitions of beauty promoted on a larger scale, but aging has somehow become something to fight and deny. Our years shouldn't be something we dread or cover and resist. Age is life and it is who and where we are. To me, age goes hand in hand with understanding, experience, compassion and maturity. Every age is equally beautiful and at each age, our appearance shifts in diverse and special ways. I love silver hair and large wrinkly smiles. I think each age has its own palette and the worst thing a person can do is deny it to misrepresent their age.

One of the best parts of growing older is that you gain so much more perspective on yourself, your history and the world. Life grows richer, and everything has much more depth - food, music, emotions, love. Each year you live adds another piece toward making you a whole. The closer you get to it, the less scary the world becomes. Things start to make more sense and you let go of the false ideals and desires you held fast to in youth. You retain your original core but then many more layers are added and you become like a fine wine. Complex and full, enriched by every experience throughout your life.


You also become a special kind of time capsule. All that you've witnessed in your time gives you a special window into humanity. In my lifetime, I've witnessed so many amazing changes in the world and I am humbled and awed and nothing but optimistic.

Every stage of life is pivotal in some way, and should not be denied its value. To wish you were younger or older is to take yourself away from where you are right now. I embrace aging and I love to become wiser – to recognize how different each year makes a person – to see where and who I used to be and how much bigger I am now. I look to the future with openness and gratitude for all of my experiences and what they teach me. I hope we can all celebrate our next birthday or milestone with acceptance and optimism, for how much more rich we have already become.

I love growing older. 


Monday, October 8, 2012

Thanksgiving Recap In Pictures

I love my new skull tshirt 
Lone tree, old fence - Odessa, Ontario
Flying my freak flag...loud and proud!
Wilton, Ontario
A stop at Wilton Pottery on our way to Adam's Mom's for Thanksgiving. If you are ever out this way...you must visit
Tights with built in socks...I'm in love!
Adam's embarrassed that I caught him wearing a pink/grey scarf. I say "embrace you inner woman Adam" 
Adam's Mom knit me this beautiful colorful scarf. It's perfectly me
I heart fall trees
Reallie plays soccer. Look out David Beckhamn!
Fall really is the prettiest time of the year
Scarfs also make great headwear

Rockin silly socks
How was your weekend? 



Sunday, October 7, 2012

Fort Wellington

It was a beautiful Sunday, we were on our way home, we've passed this town hundreds of times and we finally decided to stop. I am so glad we did.

I was kind of hoping this guy would give me a hug but alas...it was not meant to be...plus, I think he's married
Fort Wellington in Prescott, ON on the St. Lawrence River...amazing
This sure doesn't seem like a comfortable place to sleep
Very cool fortification facing the river...also it was great for climbing
Adam taking in the view of the St. Lawrence River
Adam...that's a big axe you have there!
Testing out my aim
A climber will always find something to climb wherever they are...Fort Wellington was no exception 

Sometimes we need to stop and appreciate the beauty that's all around us. Today was a beautiful day indeed.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

I Call Uncle

We all have our life stories.

We have who we knew, where we grew up, trouble we caused, fun we had, travels we made, and the dreams that act as the foundation for it all.

My life story as of late has been my struggle for baby JaAdam. For many moons now, I've been on a quest to beat the clock and try to revive my ovaries from the dead. In that time...I've shed a lot of tears, and even laughter. A lot of laughter in fact. Mostly because I make terrible jokes, and now often at the expense of my fertility woes. I'm generally pretty good at making the best of a crappy situation. Finding the good in the bad. Seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

Today is not one of those days. Today is one of those....


"Sometimes you think you're fine and then you're really not" days.

Yeah - I thought I was okay. Kind of. Today that theory was proven as wrong. Kind of. I don't know. I just know that today I hate my body.

Today is Cycle Day 8 and my clinic just emailed me the results of my Day 3 blood work and Day 5 antral follicle count. As expected...less than stellar. Am I surprised? No. Was I hopeful? Yes.

Two months ago I had an AFC of 4. This month (after two months of DHEA) I have an AFC of 6. Slightly better yes, but my lining was 4.6 mm and that is pretty thick for Day 5 so it came as no surprise that my E2 came back at 118 and my FSH was 17. High E2 can suppress FSH which means there is a potential that it is in fact higher than 17. Argh.

Come on body...I am 37, not 47...so please kindly consider backing down. We need to find a way to coexist and hopefully get along. Truce?


I Call Uncle Truce greeting card by Cami's Paperie via Etsy 


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Push Or Pull?

It seems I face this difficult question every day of my life. Most of the time it’s okay: I’m with friends, I feel safe and I can usually make the right decision. It’s when I’m alone or with someone I’m trying to impress with my door opening skills that the problems begin. Here are some ways I’ve learned to avoid this dreaded situation.

Pay Attention

  • Always be on the look out for signs. Signs are the best! They tell you exactly what you need to do. Just remember to keep your head held high and your eyes open. Why, you ask? For one thing, you’ll look confident. But even more importantly, you’ll be able to read the sign. Signs are awesome. Signs are your friends. 
Be Gentle
  • If you aren’t 100% sure which way to open the door, try to check it out discreetly by gently pushing or pulling it. You’ve got a 50/50 chance, sure, but act like you aren’t even thinking about the odds. If you guess wrong, Do Not start crying! It will give you away. Just pretend you changed your mind about using the door. There’s nothing awkward about being indecisive.
Research
  • Seek out places that have the best kind of doors...swinging doors! They go both ways so you can eliminate the guesswork. Just do what you feel is right at the time. Be yourself. If you want to push, go for it. If you want to pull, pull to your heart’s content. This door invites you to do whatever you want. This door is even better than signs.
No Tears
  • No one is perfect. You won’t open doors correctly 100% of the time. So when you do fail to make the right decision, just smile and laugh it off. The worst thing you can do is fall to the ground crying and say, "I can’t do anything right" Instead, turn toward whatever stranger is now going to be looking at you...and give a smile and a wink.  Then be sure to remember whether you pushed or pulled the door so that you don’t make the same mistake!
Push/Pull Door Sign by Sign Fail via Etsy

Monday, October 1, 2012

Weekend Recap in Pictures & Numbers

Three and seven...
Day 3 blood work 7 am Saturday morning.


Four...
4 fun Halloween bottles. Everyone needs a little zombie juice,  spiders kiss, poison and let's not forget the vampire blood.


 Two plus two...
 2 cold feet plus 2 warm slippers...very lovely indeed.


Two equals twenty...
2 wee pumpkins turned into 20 slivers of roasted pumpkin...oh yum!


Twelve...
12 tiny spiders that I lovingly attached to my Mr. Spooky tree. I love him so.



How was your weekend in numbers?

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