How Do You Do It?

You may recall that last month I molested a mannequin and I'm still not too sure just how I feel about it. It's not something that I'll soon be able to forget either as I pass her at least once a week when I treat myself to a take out lunch. I quicken my pace as I approach her store and I try not to make eye contact but there are moments when I look up and our eyes meet. She smiles, I blush as I look around for mall security convinced that I'll be recognized and immediately arrested. 

The whole situation though has me thinking. How do they do it? I'm curious so I've written them a letter.

Dear Sir or Madam (I have a sixth sense that the person who dresses mannequins for your nice clothing store is a lady, but as one should not make presumptions I shall not presume either way. And for what it’s worth I think men are equally as capable of dressing mannequins as women),

How do you do it?

I am, of course, referring to your ability to dress the headless mannequins of your fine clothing selling establishment. I understand the logistics...a headless mannequin must be similar to dressing a headless doll, or a heavily sedated 100lb dog...but what specifically am I referring to? I am so glad you asked! You see, one of your fine clothing selling establishments is just a few blocks from where I work and as I am often walking past (or into) your clothing selling establishment, I have become quite familiar with the mannequins. I have named them Lisa, Sally, Erica, Betsy, Mildred and Beth. Just kidding that would be weird.

Your mannequins are very well dressed. Your mannequins make the impossible look, well, possible. See, the clothes sold at your clothes selling establishment, which I will heretoforehenceforth refer to as The Shop, are…nice. I write “nice” hesitantly, because while I like most of the clothing at The Shop, I find much of it curious. So curious, in fact, that I have some questions:

  • Why must so many dresses have sequins & prints? Do you have any dresses with just sequins?
  • Why do half of the dresses and skirts have mullet cuts? By which I mean they are short in the front and very long in the back?
  • Whose grandmother did you steal that crochet sweater from?
  • Does any of your lingerie have underwire and/or actual support for large-chested women? (not that I am a large chested woman, although I wish to be)
  • Can I take a nap in your dressing room?
  • When you say "sale" you really mean "a few dollars off" right?
  • Is your target demo clog wearing middle aged divorced artists who live in "The Glebe"?
  • How on Earth did you make that mannequin look so good?
Seriously lady (or dude, sorry), you've got a good eye because those mannequins somehow manage to convince people that they totally should buy a sequined paisley print mullet dress that will look best when accompanied by a grandmother’s crochet sweater. With clogs. And a feather earring...but just one of course.

Kudos to you, Person Responsible for Dressing the Mannequins at The Shop Store. I don’t know how you do it, but I’m so glad you do.

Paper Mache Mannequin by La Factoría Plástica via Etsy


  1. Haha! I totally remember your manequin molestation post! Thanks for reminding me of it - I'm cracking up as much now as when I first read it. And this post is just as fabulous! :)

  2. this post makes me think of Today's Special... which I had forgotten existed until right now.


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