Thursday, September 27, 2012

Unconditional

During a recent conversation I had with a friend, we discussed how difficult it is to watch your friends and or family do things that are clearly bad for them because no matter how much advice you offer, it is seldom followed.

It’s fair to say that we’ve all been through this. You see them going down a path that has you shaking your head the whole time, and no matter how many times you tell them what to do, your advice falls on deaf ears.

I’ve done some unsavory things in my life and I can only imagine how my best friends and family felt about them. There have only been a few times when they've openly shared exactly how they felt about my actions. In fact, I find it important to note that for many things, they not passed harsh judgment on me. I feel we have an understanding that we’re all grown up enough to know the possible consequences of our actions. We know that we don’t need each other’s approval for anything we do, but what we will always need from each other is...unconditional support.

Unconditional support is what you give your friends and family because no one else has the capacity or understanding to offer it. You give this because you understand that people are going to do things that don’t fall under categories of things you find acceptable.

We’re all going to do some silly things in life and we’re going to need someone on our side. We are going to make mistakes and we learn from them the best when we aren’t being scolded or made to feel ashamed.

When someone walks through your errors with you, you can review your actions through a new lens. As humans, we have the misfortune of only ever knowing anything about life via our limited experience. This makes it difficult for us to see things the way others do and that is why we don’t often understand why some friends give the advice that they do. We take things the wrong way, we feel offended, and we fail to see, sometimes, that they want the best for us.

We are going to be stressed out about a lot of things. We’re going to disapprove of certain pregnancies, certain boyfriends, certain career moves, or any moves at all that make us feel uncomfortable, uncertain, and afraid.

If we only ever choose to be supportive, it could really change the dynamic in our relationships. However, being supportive doesn’t mean that you automatically approve of what happens. You can make that clear: I support you, but I don’t approve of this, personally. But I love you and I only ever want to know that you’re okay and safe and happy.

Not easy at all. But let's be honest...life is never ever truly easy. You will know you’ve someone great by your side when they can openly tell you that something doesn’t seem right and still never lose having them by your side.


I'm thankful for the unconditional love and support I have in my life...every single day.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Shower Therapy

I am a crier. I cry when I’m happy, moved, sad, frustrated, furious or in the midst of infertility treatments...this has caused a considerable and by considerable...I mean ridiculous, amount of crying.  I think I even cry when I am confused. Thus, it has become imperative that I find I solid hideout for my cries. I let the happy cries fly in public because it is pretty fun for others to watch me cry at cute kitten videos (I get really happy when I see kittens, okay?), but the serious crying? Well, I save that for my shower.

The shower is a phenomenal place to cry. You can really go nuts there. It masks most noise (the acoustics make the dramatic cries fantastic though), it washes the day away (literally) and the whole running makeup business is taken care of. It also minimizes crying side effects. I’m pretty sure that the massage of the shower on your head diminishes crying headaches and a cool splash prevents too much eye puffiness. It’s generally a perfectly private place; I would however, not recommend a gym shower or any public shower if you have hopes for a successful cry.

These simple things make for a very therapeutic shower cry...

1. Hold it in all day as much as you can. Dream of the excellent release you will have as soon as you hit the shower.

2. Make it a super shower. Do your whole extended beauty routine, shaving and all, and just get it all out. Light up an awesome smelling candle it’s you time, after all. Make sure you have some fantastic shampoo and conditioner. This is a great time to let conditioner sit for the correct amount of time (2 minutes? Take four and sob!) and using a great smelling body scrub of some sort is also a bonus. You can really exfoliate with some proper anguish.

3. Make sure your water heater works. This was an unspeakable tragedy for me the other week, although ice-cold water sure stops crying as you gasp for air. I felt like I was getting attacked with a machete instead, but who’s listening? It also presented quite a pickle: Where do you cry when you want to sob about your shower being freezing?

4. Shower tunes. You have to stop crying to sing along! I swear, if anyone ever heard me singing a Blue Rodeo tune in my shower...I would be signed to a label right then and there.

5. Wrap it up with a fluffy bathrobe and some laughs. I have yet to get to this step, my bathrobe is really lame (by lame I mean I don’t have one). Go set yourself up with some Netflix streaming Firefly or something, and perhaps a glass of wine or some hot chocolate.

There. No more tears. It’s all washed away, and down the drain. Oh, and you can always tell people you just got soap in your eyes for a minute.


Everything Cried As We Drove Away by LW Contemporary Designs via Etsy

Monday, September 24, 2012

Weekend Recap In Pictures

A view of the cliff from the boat
Strong men...chop much wood
I moustache you a question...
A piece of bacon sporting a moustache...love these socks!
Toasty fire = toasty toes
Beautiful sunset
More silly socks paired with silly leg warmers
Adam is a good boat driver...but I am a great boat driver :P
Paddington Bear also hearts Bon Echo

I spotted this old barn on the way home and just had to stop to take a picture

How was your weekend?


Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Almost Wordless Wednesday

When I see a bruised apple at the grocery store I give it a hug and whisper in it's ear...

"Who did this to you?"

via Mid Eats

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

In Case You Were Wondering

Lately I have noticed that I've lost a few followers and that's cool...it really is...I realize that one can only listen to my ridiculous ranting for so long. I get it. No judging here. Poor Adam on the other hand...has to live with it every day so let's all feel bad for Adam...ahhhhh...hugs to Adam. 

I know that lately I've not been blogging about infertility and treatment but...Yes, this blog it still about my life and our struggle for baby JaAdam. There just isn't a lot going on that is worthy of conversation. Every day I take my DHEA and vitamins. I'll repeat Day 3 blood work and Day 5 antral follicle count ultrasound with my next cycle but at the moment we are kind of in a holding pattern until I have surgery November 1st. 

Infertility is still very much at the forefront and yes, I still think about it every single day but I've decided that it doesn't and isn't going to rule my life. It's not going to prevent me from seeing my friends that have new babies and it certainly is not going to prevent me from spending time with my pregnant friends.

I've accepted that I cannot change the situation that we find ourselves in and I've accepted that where we are at this moment is just where we are...it is what it is. 

So in the meantime...I am just going to go with the flow, live my life and continue my ridiculous banter. I do hope though that you stick with me.


Chocolats

Chocolate is not a snack. It is not a food to be taken lightly. It is a magical, sacred, refined particle of universal truth reflecting all that is good and right with the world. And so it should be treated.

Sometimes I think about what life was like a few hundred years ago, when chocolate was not something you could pick up at the corner store in large quantities. This is also back before ice cream and penicillin were invented, and let’s face it, if anything could have made plague and corsets more bearable, it would have been chocolate. How did civilization even evolve? Come to think of it, the Mayans had discovered cocoa and look where they are (or aren’t) now.


But I digress. A little while ago I stumbled upon a little chocolate shop. It was mesmerizing. It was beyond reality. It was where cocoa came to become a Broadway star.

Display cases surrounded me, small glass raised plates extending painted little cubes of concentrated aromatic bliss. This was chocolate. This was how it was always intended to be created, admired, lavished with love and consumed with much respect and no mercy. Lavender ganache, India spice filling, chile pepper infused flavors topped one another in creativity and inventiveness. Each cube was encoded with a painted pattern on top to reveal its contents. There was a catalogue. A catalogue! Do you have a catalogue Hershey’s? No? I didn’t think so.

This is what chocolate should be: an experience, created with love and devotion.  I savored the experience of wandering the store and admiring the displays, then carefully compiling a box to take home and enjoy.

I admit, I appreciate being able to find chocolate at the corner store. I appreciate the fact that it is attainable to all and is an equalizing element of society, infusing it with joy and deliciousness on all levels. It can be found with or without dairy, soy, or sugar content, yet retaining all flavour so that anyone with any diet can still partake. Is there anything else quite like it? 


I think not.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012

The Perks Of Survival

Lately I've been watching the last few episodes of Season 2 of "The Walking Dead" in preparation for Season 3 and it got me thinking…in the event of a Zombie apocalypse or any kind of apocalypse for that matter...maybe it’s not all bad. If I do somehow survive , it could be fun.

Well, first you should know that I made the mistake of reading a series of apocalypse themed novels as an impressionable child. This, plus naturally being afraid of everything, has conditioned me into believing that at some point in my lifetime, a killer virus will absolutely positively spread and kill every one. But me.

I will be forced to take in any orphaned children and we will live in an abandoned home where I will cook for them and teach them skills like gardening and tell them stories of magic things called "showers" which existed in the world before the killer virus which we shall refer to as "before time." We will throw our piling trash out in swimming pools and learn how to collect rain water and after years and years of this we will all grow up and forget our birth names and call each other things based on our jobs like Hunter or Cook.

This will all happen while we eat the last remaining cans of SPAM that we took from the abandoned Costco, which is now a home for the local wild dogs.

Some nights I’d lay awake in my bed, face up, paralyzed, looking up at the ceiling and I would brace myself because I was so sure that tonight was the night. Tonight is the night the world explodes. I would sit in my bed and just stare straight ahead just waiting to be rocketed off into the distance and the ground below me would just explode

Somehow I thought by being mentally prepared for a virus the disaster wouldn’t happen. 


If you are anything like me, you are a paranoid mess too. Anyway, here is this list of the perks of surviving an apocalypse...
  • You’ll have to teach yourself how to fight off the wild dogs that live in and behind Costco now, but at least you’ll have a cool skill.
  • You’ll have to figure out a place to put your trash because there is no longer a sanitation department but finding new places to frequent is fun.
  • You will be rich. You can accumulate a bunch of paper money because even though it is now worthless, it’s fun to have a fat wallet.
  • You’ll finally have time to keep a journal and won't have an excuse not to.
  • You can go to Costco because now you’re able to get in without a membership. Oh wait...the wild dogs.
  • You can read 50 Shades of Grey since there is no one left to judge you.
  • You’ll get super fit because of the travelling and the self sufficiency stuff.
  • Finally be able to understand what life was like before TV and cell phones.
  • Use the men’s bathroom. Who’s going to stop you?
  • Stop feeling weird that you listen to the Grease soundtrack when you’re alone.
  • Never shave again.
  • Wear a top hat, a rain poncho, and socks with sandals all at the same time and white after Labor Day! Fashion no longer exists!
  • Sing REMs "It’s The End Of The World As We Know It" as loud as you want, walk around naked, talk to yourself in a Swedish accent.
  • Eat peanut butter out of the jar with your fingers. Do whatever you want. who cares? 
  • You can do what you love and never worry about what people think about you…but I think you should do this anyway...with or without an apocalypse!
Warning Zombie Apocalypse Sign by Authentic Signs & Vintage via Etsy

What about you...do you think you'd survive the Apocalypse?

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Tutorial

Changing the toilet paper roll will not cause brain damage. I promise.

I am going to post a step by step tutorial for all those that do not know how to change the roll (my co-workers...I blame the men) and when they do not change the roll, I will email it to them or maybe post it on their Facebook wall or perhaps even frame it and leave it on the bathroom wall. Then they will get it. Right?

How to change a toilet paper roll in 4 easy steps...

Step one
You see you have used the last of the roll. There is another sitting close in the bathroom. Maybe in the cupboard, under the sink of in one of those handy roll holders like pictured below.




Step 2
Remove the cardboard roll left from the old roll. This is EASY to do. You need to push the spring in sideways or if you are fancy you may have one that slides off easily. I promise you...this is not difficult. I am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe you do not know the roll is empty and needs changing. After all it is full when you enter the bathroom. Here is what an empty roll looks like NOTE- see the exposed cardboard and no tissue


Step 3
Add the full roll to the holder after removing any packaging. Repeat as necessary. I personally do not have an over under preference at work but some do. Take note that at home, it must be under...never over.




Step 4
Share this post WHEN needed.


Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Stages

I've often considered myself pretty good at dealing with hurt in life. I had high hopes for my ability to process and cope with the loss of R. This isn't so bad…I thought. I've got this. I now know that these thoughts were simply called numbness and they stood tall for about 12 seconds.

Turns out, I’m really not so “good” at grieving. Because, news flash to me, it’s impossible to be. Grieving just is. 

I don’t particularly find solace in the stages of grief but even if I did, I truly didn’t think I would experience anger. I didn't relate when people said they were mad at God or life or themselves after they faced a tragedy. I guess because I accept that life is messy. But despite all this, anger did creep in somewhere. It’s the tricky kind that lurks below the surface and bubbles out with disguised roots – like lashing out at dirty dishes or overreacting to misspoken words from Adam or a friend.

It's been almost three months since losing R and and a couple of Sundays ago, we had her headstone unveiling. It was tough but it was beautiful. 

For some unknown reason, last night I had this overwhelming desire to pull out my pictures from my trip home to Newfoundland. I was looking through pictures and video of said trip and came across images of Cape Spear. Cape Spear is the most easterly point in North America and a beautiful and stunning spot. Where ocean meets rock. It's rugged and harsh. Beautiful.

It was a funny feeling to realize I was comforted by looking at these ungentle acts of nature. I felt at peace because I was watching external expressions of my insides.

I'm angry. Deep in my heart I'm mad because R died. I wanted to be back there to sit and stay there with the wind and waves all night to watch them tell me how I was feeling.

It was a really important realization; many of my reactions make more sense now that I know this emotion is a valid force in my life. I feel okay about the anger because even if I don’t blame anyone that R is gone, it still isn’t fair. It still hurts. I still don’t want us to be without her. I have waves crashing inside of me that need to be felt. I do try to let the waves exit as tears instead of gritted teeth, and I try to hug Adam instead of throwing dishes at him (okay, I never threw dishes at him, because he’s amazing, but you know).

I think it’s important to understand that anger is as valid as sadness or joy. I look forward to letting it go one day, but for now, in the same way that I need to express these other emotions, sometimes I just need to throw rocks into the ocean and find solace in the crashing waves.


Cape Spear, Newfoundland

Monday, September 10, 2012

Weekend Recap In Pictures

~ Because I am too tired and sick to think of anything remotely funny or interesting to amuse you with and because I really should be working or least make it look like I am whilst dreaming of a hot cup of tea and an afternoon nap.
Friday night crazy socks...
Sunday morning crazy socks...
I have a thing for socks...I love crazy socks...the more loud & outrageous...the better...cause that's how I roll yo. ~ Actually I roll by squatting on the floor, balancing on the balls of my feet, holding out my arms for balance as I lower down to the floor. I then touch the floor with both hands and begin to roll forward, tucking my chin into your chest. That's how I roll.


Karen now likes crazy socks too
Do not fret Karen...I have a friend of a friend that knows a guy that knows a girl that knows a guy that sells amaze-balls socks. I'll hook you up!

I squish you!
Squish
Stormy windy lake
The weekend might have been wet and stormy but my Dear Sweet Bon Echo delivered as always. How was your weekend?


Friday, September 7, 2012

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Mannequin Madness

I have a confession to make. I recently molested a mannequin.

I was at the mall yesterday on my lunch break to buy socks when I got a little distracted. By a dress. With sparkles and sequins and beads and all kinds of awesomeness. And I had to try it on. But of course the only dress in my size was on the mannequin...one of those creepy looking headless, armless, legless ones with the hanger coming out of its neck.

I felt all kinds of bad undressing her in public, but I was without a doubt going to rock that dress, so my actions were completely justified. I never made it to the dressing room, however, because after undressing Ms. Mannequin, I held it up to myself and it was way bigger than it looked on the mannequin, and did I mention it had sparkles and sequins and beading? Honestly, what was I thinking?

I couldn't let her stand there all naked and exposed. That would be inappropriate. So then I had to re-dress the mannequin, which was way harder than undressing her. And much more embarrassing. For the both of us. There was much groping of her lady business just to get the dress past her butt and hips. And I was all, “I’m so sorry. I should have you dressed in just a minute.”

But it took way longer than a minute, and the groping was getting out of control and my face got red, because, seriously, I’m molesting a mannequin. And it got worse before it got better. In fact, there was no better. Because I lost my balance a little. And fell forward. Just a little. But just far enough for my lips to Brush. Her. Breast. I was embarrassed, the mannequin totally got turned on. It was all sorts of awkward. And that's when the sales lady noticed what I was doing. I muttered an apology to the half dressed mannequin and made a quick dash for the exit before she called mall security. 


Tomorrow I think that I'll eat lunch at work.

Vintage Style Corset Laced Mannequin by Corset Laced Mannequin via Etsy

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Almost Wordless Wednesday

I saw this. I want this. I need this.
So sad...it appears that I cannot buy in Canada. Boo.



Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Science of Sleepy

Ask a sleep researcher why we sleep, and s/he'll give you the simplest answer - which is sort of what scientists are all about -  because we get sleepy. Can't really argue with that.

The next question is why do we get sleepy? There is a part of your brain called the suprachiasmatic nucleus (or SCN, for those of us who don't have time to pronounce that and/or have a stutter) that regulates your sleep schedule, and makes you get your sleepy on. I think mine is working a double shift today. It's noon, and I want to go to bed.

Someone with a normal SCN has a routine sleep cycle: the same amount of sleep around the same time each day, but someone with an impaired SCN (or a lab mouse whose SCN was destroyed, say or me...stressed out, feeling unwell and trying to take care of a sick Adam and I use the word "trying" loosely) sleeps at random times for random durations.

There is a great variety of sleep behaviors in the animal kingdom, but nearly all animals exhibit some kind of sleep-like behavior. Even sponges slow down at night, although it's not clear whether or not that constitutes sleep. Weird eh? To make sleep yet more confusing and weird, scientists discovered that blind cave fish get by on almost no sleep at all. Maybe they evolved to need less sleep because their environment requires them to constantly be on the search for food, but I also read that this suggests that part of sleep's purpose is to process the visual input collected during waking hours. So no input, no need to process. But of course, blind humans still need sleep, so don't go and blindfold yourself so that you won't have to sleep. 'T'won't work.

Thus endeth my poor attempt to explain one of the most mysterious, complex, and yet totally familiar science topics, where what we know hardly compares to what we don't know. At this point you are likely asking yourself what the hey this post was about...


I need sleep. That is all.


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