Wednesday, July 31, 2013

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

When a man can't open a jar, he has to throw it away and never speak of it again.

Pickle Jar Card by Tedi Sarah via Etsy

Tuesday, July 30, 2013

Thirty Eight in Four

I’m turning 38 in four days. Thirty eight. Maybe it’s a lucky number? Back in the day, I used to have the number 8 on my jersey when I played hockey and I had a number 3 when I played ringette and I remember really liking both of those numbers. Therefore I’m hoping that this will be a lucky year.

Am I feeling like 38? Probably, yes. For instance, I need to go to bed early. I can't stay up really late if I want to be mentally present the next day. I must be sure to sit up straight, or else my back will kill me. And I just can't seem to see the point with going out for drinks if the music is too loud for talking.

In my twenties, I was constantly trying to seize each and every opportunity to make a difference. I guess I was worried something amazing would pass me by if I didn't stay alert. These days, I'm happy with knowing I did my best for the people I care about. Overachieving for overachieving sake is just so overrated.

But am I just turning into a more boring version of myself? I don't know exactly but I do know that rock climbing (which I'm passionate about) is anything but boring. And I'm definitely becoming more and more restless the older I get, which is kind of strange. It should be the other way around, right? A few more years and I won't be able to sit still for even half an hour.

And for some reason, I'm also becoming slightly more eccentric each year. Maybe that’s because I care less and less about what other people think of me? My last Amazon order contained books on how to survive the end of civilization, Fertility Wisdom: How Traditional Chinese Medicine Can Help Overcome Infertility, a teen romance and the Ultimate French Beginner coursebook.

It’s ironic how you can find yourself by cutting through all the pretentious clutter, just to find true pretentiousness beneath. I used to think that I was special different, but as it turns out, I'm just another girl trying to make my way through life. If I had had that revaluation in my twenties, I’d probably been devastated. Today, I'm fine with knowing that I'm doing a good job.

However, I still want to win though. The desire to divide and conquer burns as bright as ever before. But I'm not sure I want to battle it out by putting in more hours than the next person anymore. No, I want to win by being smarter. By doing less. By being effective. Perhaps putting all of those hard learned lessons to work for me.

Maybe. Or maybe...I'm just hoping for some crazy good old blind out-of-the-blue luck (conceive, carry & bring home a healthy baby JaAdam) this year. 

Either way, I'm ready for 38.


Monday, July 29, 2013

Christmas in July

For Christmas one of the lovely gifts I received from my sister was a spa day at the top rated spa in Canada...St. Anne's Spa...which also happens to be one of the top 100 spas in the world. Saturday was our spa day...

and it was heavenly.

Thursday, July 25, 2013

One Spoon

I almost lost my shit this morning.

I was on my way to work & then I promptly took a left turn and headed in the opposite direction.

And then I drove. And drove. And drove.

My thoughts, my wheels, my hormones were a-spinnin'.

And I kept driving. Zoned out yet feeling like someone had me by the back of the neck, ready to drop kick me.

And there was silence. Just the hum of the road. And I sat in it for a long time. 
I wanted to cry but I couldn't. I wanted to scream but I didn't have the energy. 

So, I opened my mouth & let out a long, moan-y, "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck."

Wow, it felt good.

I've been so overwhelmed. I can't keep up with anything. My inbox. My health. My infertility and upcoming 38th birthday that will thrust me further into AMA (advanced maternal age). My commitments. My friendships. My work. My bullshit. And then I feel guilty about ALL OF IT.

And then I freeze.

At least I recognize my cycle of tendencies. That much is good. It's the first step. I just have to keep reminding myself to keep going. To breathe. And to take the next step. 
I celebrate those steps. Sometimes I raise my hands in victory over them. Even if it's washing one spoon. Answering one email. Typing one word. 

It's not like I'm unhappy though. I'm not. It's just stressful to live life on a roller coaster of emotions.

People ask me how I'm doing & I say, "crazy." There is some crazy awesome shit happening in my life & there is also some crazy heart wrenching shit going on.

It's hard but it's good...a
nd I will gladly take brokenness & beauty over apathy any damn day.

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Unsolved Mysteries

You know, I can be pretty lax when it comes to manners. I don't always keep my elbows of the table. I have been known to eat things off the floor. I am told that I sometimes interrupt people. I don't always cover my mouth when I cough or say excuse me when I fart sneeze. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, to make a point. To make a point that even a girl who doesn't always use the best manners knows how to flush her own feces down the toilet. You're probably thinking, who doesn't flush? Someone at my office is who. Today I had a very unpleasant and unexpected surprise, which I will call "The Case of the Office Poo".

The Scene: My office

The Time: Monday June 22nd - 1:30 pm

The Discovery: I entered the bathroom to find the lid to the toilet closed. I assumed someone was just being polite. But I found with horror that someone was being actually being VERY VERY rude and also that someone had recently eaten a lot of fiber.

The Suspects: It couldn't be someone in the office, I figured, as my rather loud discussion of said crime would surely shame them into admission. Suspiciously, many were missing. Was it Suspect A, who had mysteriously disappeared on an “errand”? Was it Suspect B who was just the type to flee the scene, but whom had normally immaculate hygiene? Or was it Suspect X, a delivery driver who had stopped by earlier under the auspices of “delivering something”. Could he really have been "delivering something", I wondered?

The Moment of Truth: I really had to pee, so something had to be done. I prepared myself to plunge the toilet when I realized that our plunger was missing! Was it in the "other' bathroom? The scary, dark one that never smells very good that the men use. "No way" I say to myself. So then I start to quickly could I drive to the store (which is just around the corner), purchase a new plunger and get back here before I peed my pants. I bought two, just to be safe.

When I returned, I was disappointed to find that no one had taken pity on me and had volunteered to do the dirty deed so I put my brave face on...took hold of the plunger and marched into duty. For some unknown reason, habit perhaps, without thinking...I flushed. "Oh no!!!"

A moment later, I was surprised that the toilet, in fact, did not need to be plunged. It flushed. This brought a whole new level of malice to the case. Could this failure to flush have been…on purpose? Who forgets to flush, especially after the effort that the product clearly must have required? Was this a drive-by, by some delivery man with an axe to grind? Was Suspect B, a very clean person by all accounts, but angry enough to leave us such a vengeful gift? 

The case remains open and unsolved.

Monday, July 22, 2013

Weekend Recap in Pictures

I don't have that many pictures from the weekend. I was the Bon Echo custodian so I was kept very, very busy!

In the boat waiting to pick up climbers & yes...we are crazy enough to climb that 300 foot cliff!

Beautiful sunset

 Two days driving a boat, on a lake with nothing but sun...while wearing sunglasses will make your face look like this (and yes...I was wearing sunscreen)

Two days driving a boat, on a lake with nothing but sun...while NOT wearing sunscreen on your lips...will make them look like this. 

Another amazing Bon Echo weekend...& the best part...I get to do it all over again in a couple of weeks. How was your weekend?

Friday, July 19, 2013

Funny Face Friday

I think my blog is haunted...there is no way that this here blog was viewed 4,535 times yesterday and already 2,104 times today. Haunted I tell ya!

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Thursday Thoughts

I have a headache. I think it’s because I never seem to get enough sleep. A good night’s sleep eludes me, mostly because I am too crafty for my own good. For instance, I will get into bed at 11:00 but will read or play Sudoku (yes, I'm a nerd) until 1:00. I only think I went to bed at 11:00. On the other end, I do a truly optimistic and idiotic thing: I set my alarm clock for 6:04 am every day. To most of you, that may not seem early, but it is a full hour before I actually have to wake up in order to get to work on time. Why do I set my alarm for 6:04? So that I can indulge in a cruel fantasy game called 'Today I will catch up on stuff before I go to work'


I never catch up on stuff before I go to work. I just don't have the willpower. And yet my alarm continues to go off every morning in the hopes that today will be the day everything changes. Waking myself on purpose only to fall back asleep can't be helping my lethargy. I am also lucky enough to sleep next to someone, but two bodies have a tendency to wake each other up during the night in their unconscious, ever-shifting configuration of limbs.

I've also been stressed lately over our continued Baby JaAdam Quest and this morning's endometrial biopsy. I was dreading it. I wanted to cancel it. I almost did. I'm over it. I didn't...I was there bright and early to have my insides scraped. Not fun...but it's done along with some blood work and assorted swabs. Results in about 10 days. Do I think this will yield answers? No. I'm past that. It is what it is. Will we have have baby JaAdam? I have no idea *sigh*

Luckily for my stressed little ass, I am off to Bon Echo for two, hopefully, beautiful days. I am however custodian and as far as I can tell, it will involve a lot of work, boat driving and taking care of others but it will also involve a lot of sun, water, laughs and fun.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Last night someone asked me..."Hey, do know One Direction?"
My response..."Actually, I know all four...North, East, South and West" boo-yah!


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

In No Particular Order

Things I am thankful for, in no particular order (well, actually, that’s a lie – I’m putting all of my touchy-feely items first. No one wants to be listed after Nerds and Pop Rocks.)

My Adam, the love of my life;
My mother, who's just swell;
My sister, who I would love even if she lived in an igloo made out of toilet paper rolls;
My father, who brings down the house;
My extended S,V, & R families, who have lovely, wicked senses of humor;
My extended P family, who have art in their blood and scotch in their veins;
My climbing family, who have welcomed me into their scatological clan;
My beautiful, brilliant friends, who keep me sane;
Nerds & Pop Rocks (the candy kind);
Sudoku (the easy levels of course);
A good scotch;
Street performers;
Blue jeans;
Just-picked berries;
Weekend sleep-ins;
Firefly (the show, not the bugs, although they're pretty awesome, too);
Pink streaks in hair;
Bon Echo;
Jack Johnson;
Cheese (all of them);
Backyard garden snow pea eating;
Skull dresses;
Birthday cake (even when it's not my birthday);
And, of lovely, perfectly crazy life.


Backyard garden snow pea eating


What are you thankful for, in no particular order?

Monday, July 15, 2013

Sacred Proverb

There’s a sacred proverb that goes...

“When in life you bite off more than you can chew, Stop Chewing for a moment, and walk around naked in your living room.”

Okay not really. I obviously just made that up. And no, I don't have an obsession with being naked even though I have rock climbed naked, in the dark not once but...twice. 


I think that lately I have perhaps bitten off more than I can chew.

It happens to most of us at one time or another and I'm usually pretty good at being able to deal with it all but for whatever reason...I'm finding myself overwhelmed - if not paralyzed - by the enormity of the responsibilities I currently have.

I think I need to find - The Balance

You see, there must be a balance between when you’re doing the - Biting and Chewing...also known as taking big leaps, working your ass off, and making things happen you never thought you could do before and the - Walking Around Naked...also known as giving your mind and body a little break to change your go, go, go state and just have some spontaneous, carefree, let-it-all-hangout fun.

Personally, I sometimes struggle with turning off the go, go, go state of mind once I start chewing. 

Sleeping - forget about it. I'm too busy trying to organize ideas and take mental notes. 
Conversations - Ha...don’t even try to talk to me if I'm working on my stuff. 
Social Life - sadly I’d rather stay at home and play around in the blogosphere than make it for happy hour.
Food - I forget to eat unless someone puts a plate in front of me and reminds me.

Does this ever sound like you? If so...well, at least now you know you are not alone.

I know, of course...this isn't the best habit for me. So I'm asking...anyone have any ideas on how I can balance this out a bit? I'm all ears!

In the meantime, I'm going to try and remember this...You Live and You Learn. So, while I'm  in the process of doing BIG things and biting off more than I can chew or I'm enjoying life’s spontaneous and random moments while I walk around naked in my living room (or a 300 foot cliff in the dark) I will not forget to enjoy the ride.


Friday, July 12, 2013

Random Thoughts

  • I really want a tiny little stud in my nose. I know. I'll be 38 in a couple of weeks and it's a bit ridiculous, but I really want one. I mean, why not? Will it ruin my reputation at work? Does it cost a million dollars? Will strange kids try to rip it out?
  • I need to download "Sharknado" when I get home. I hear it's epicly, awfully...good.
  • I wish there was a grilled cheese restaurant in my would be a revelation. I would eat there everyday. It would totally ruin any hopes of a gluten-free day though.
  • I really want a glass of white wine sangria.
  • Do I really need another trip to the bathroom to check "Vine". Will my boss think I have an issue with my intestinal tract? I did spend 15 minutes in there the last time.
  • Should I really buy another box of FRER just to have them tell me "No are not pregnant".
  • I really want a slice of birthday cake but I don't know what to tell then when they ask me what I would like to have written on it.  
  • Is it really necessary for me to drive all the way downtown just to buy more candy apple bits at the Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory.
  • What excuse can I come up with to leave work an hour early on a Friday.
  • Does anyone but me remember the toy "My Pet Monster".

That is all.

Random Thoughts Journal by Journaling Jane via Etsy

Video Funny Face Friday

Happy Weekend!

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

It's Like The Book

Did you ever read that book as a kid, Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day?

I'm having one of those.

I woke up tired and feeling like I had a cold coming on, I was late getting to work, I got swamped with projects, I developed a splitting headache, I looked at my credit card statement, I forgot to pack lunch so I had to settle for a granola bar and a yogurt that I had stored in the office fridge, I snapped at my co-worker, and then someone made a mean comment about this here blog. Also I'm getting a pimple, and that really sucks (and it's only 12:30).

If I seem irritable and irrational, well, I am. My mood is swinging like a pendulum, so I'm out of sorts and this can make me a little "difficult". I just hate feeling!

Also I'm really sensitive, so that anonymous comment hurt my feelings. I know it's stupid and that I shouldn't be so defensive, but the truth is that I'm still hurt that William I-Forget-His-Last-Name-Something-Italian chose to sit next to Robin I-Forget-Her-Last-Name-Too instead of me during lunch in fifth grade. I may put on a sarcastic front but I'm as soft as pudding on the inside. 

I'm just feeling sorry for myself. Luckily I have Oreos and Firefly (Captain Tightpants makes everything better) at the ready for just this type of terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Next on "McCribs"! Hamburglar shows us his pimped-out hideout, and Grimmus takes us on a tour of his plush pleasure dome.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

(Long) Weekend Recap in Pictures

1. The banana's commit banacide while we are away 2. Beautiful chandelier 3. Family 4. Leviathan 5. Adam on right 6. Canada's Wonderland 7. Hat wearing 8. Ice cream eating 9. Pretty lights 10. New dress 11. Adam wears a laundry bag.

P.S. I'll be back to my usual nonsense tomorrow ☺

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Topsy Turvy

I've said before that life has a way of changing on a dime and turning you on your happens...that's life. June 24th, 2013...flipped me upside down.

I'll be vague on the details (only because we are still waiting for some more answers) but in short, I had a stroke followed by what we believe was a seizure. Stroke? I know...weird hey! Imagine my surprise when the doctor's had that chat with me!

The seizure...well I don't really recall that evening of excitement and I'm undecided on whether that is a good thing or not. Adam filled in the blanks for me. I must admit that not being able to recall a certain chunk of time is...well...unsettling. I took comfort in the fact that Adam, the nurses and doctors took great care of me while I was unable to do so for myself.

Monday June 24th...not a good place to spend your afternoon (this I remember)

Interestingly enough the key to this puzzle, After 2 CT scans, 3 MRI's, a couple of lumbar punctures and a bazillion blood tests...

That's my brain...isn't it pretty?

was this snippet of information that Adam provided "5 chemical pregnancies in 7 months". 

Why is this important? Recurrent pregnancy loss can be linked to clotting disorders. 

This is what they "think" is going on...

They believe I have a clotting disorder, specifically, AntiPhospholipid antibody Syndrome (APS). This allowed a clot to form. I have a Patent Foramen Ovale (PFO) that was discovered when I was in my twenty's. The clot formed, the PFO allowed the clot to pass up to my brain and cause a stroke. As for the suspected seizure...we have no idea but we are working on trying to figure that out. 

Things I learned while in the hospital....

It helps to have an iPad loaded up with TV shows and movies to help you pass the time and more importantly, to drown out the hospital noises...

 It also helps to find ways to smile despite your fear and discomfort...

It helps to crack up at the site of your melon covered in wires...

I also learned that it feels so very, very good to head home...

I have had and will have a few more tests and appointments in the coming days and weeks. I'll keep you updated but for right now (surprisingly) we know that there is in fact a working brain in that head of mine ☺

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