Unsolved Mysteries

You know, I can be pretty lax when it comes to manners. I don't always keep my elbows of the table. I have been known to eat things off the floor. I am told that I sometimes interrupt people. I don't always cover my mouth when I cough or say excuse me when I fart sneeze. Why am I telling you this, you ask? Well, to make a point. To make a point that even a girl who doesn't always use the best manners knows how to flush her own feces down the toilet. You're probably thinking, who doesn't flush? Someone at my office is who. Today I had a very unpleasant and unexpected surprise, which I will call "The Case of the Office Poo".

The Scene: My office

The Time: Monday June 22nd - 1:30 pm


The Discovery: I entered the bathroom to find the lid to the toilet closed. I assumed someone was just being polite. But I found with horror that someone was being actually being VERY VERY rude and also that someone had recently eaten a lot of fiber.

The Suspects: It couldn't be someone in the office, I figured, as my rather loud discussion of said crime would surely shame them into admission. Suspiciously, many were missing. Was it Suspect A, who had mysteriously disappeared on an “errand”? Was it Suspect B who was just the type to flee the scene, but whom had normally immaculate hygiene? Or was it Suspect X, a delivery driver who had stopped by earlier under the auspices of “delivering something”. Could he really have been "delivering something", I wondered?

The Moment of Truth: I really had to pee, so something had to be done. I prepared myself to plunge the toilet when I realized that our plunger was missing! Was it in the "other' bathroom? The scary, dark one that never smells very good that the men use. "No way" I say to myself. So then I start to think...how quickly could I drive to the store (which is just around the corner), purchase a new plunger and get back here before I peed my pants. I bought two, just to be safe.

When I returned, I was disappointed to find that no one had taken pity on me and had volunteered to do the dirty deed so I put my brave face on...took hold of the plunger and marched into duty. For some unknown reason, habit perhaps, without thinking...I flushed. "Oh no!!!"

A moment later, I was surprised that the toilet, in fact, did not need to be plunged. It flushed. This brought a whole new level of malice to the case. Could this failure to flush have been…on purpose? Who forgets to flush, especially after the effort that the product clearly must have required? Was this a drive-by, by some delivery man with an axe to grind? Was Suspect B, a very clean person by all accounts, but angry enough to leave us such a vengeful gift? 


The case remains open and unsolved.


Comments

  1. This made me laugh so hard and at the same time, it grossed me out beyond belief!

    Poor you!

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  2. AHHHHHHH!!!! Disgusting!!!! But hilarious in the re-telling!! I hope you solve the mystery, but that printable should definitely help out in the meantime.

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  3. i am dying laughing! HAHAHAHA! oh, janet, i love you!
    the a lot of fiber comment made me crack up! oh, i've been there. i'm a cleaning lady...the "stuff" i've found...ohhhh boyyy!
    thank you for always making me laugh and smile and thank you for inspiring me.
    xoxox

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  4. I was cringing the whole time I read this. For awhile at my work there was someone who would literally fill the toilet to overflowing and then leave it there. Presumably because they were terrified of what would happen if they flushed. Luckily, we work in a large enough office that we were able to have Maintenance deal with it. Poor maintenance guys.

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  5. Eeeeeew. This is a far nastier mystery than
    "who broke the copy machine and just left it there without saying anything?" Or the "who keeps eating random lunches out of the refrigerator?" or, the ever popular "Who left this nasty mess in the breakroom and didn't clean it?"

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  6. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! No, no, no. GROSS!

    ReplyDelete

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