Sunday, October 30, 2011

"I" is for Insurance

Insurance
  • The business of insuring persons or property 
  • Coverage by contract whereby one party undertakes to indemnify or guarantee against loss by a specified contingency or peril.
My definition of insurance
  • Fiasco
I have insurance...good insurance at that so you'd think that the process of dealing with my insurance would be easy. I made sure that I had car rental insurance as part of my policy so you'd think that would also be easy to deal with. The truth I'm discovering is quite the opposite and it's making an already stressful situation that much worse. 

Here's to hoping that Monday brings some much needed answers. In the meantime...

These Boots Were Made For Walking by Pica Prints via Etsy

I hope that your weekend has been stress free!


Thursday, October 27, 2011

My Car Got Into A Fight...

Last night's horrible nightmare and subsequent lack of sleep should have clued me into the fact that something was just off about today.


On my way home from work my car decided to pick a fight with a truck...it lost...


Fixable?
Or a write off? I hope fixable!


I am okay...sore, yes...stiff, yes but all things considered...I came out of this pretty well. I was hit by a much bigger Chevy work truck and I am so very, very thankful that the guy driving said truck is perfectly fine ~ that is all that really matters!


*Sigh*


Not my best day ever.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

It's Been Decided

A decision has been made - I've taken my Lupron Depot injection and FET #2 has officially begun.  I'm happy with my decision - no regrets - I will remain hopeful and positive. We'll complete this cycle with our current clinic. When/If we need to do this again...we'll make the switch and will once again move right along with no regrets. Life is about moving forward & not about living in the past. 


I've had my eye on some felted slippers for sometime now and beginning another cycle seems a good a time as any for a treat to myself. I love these...

Crocheted Felted Slippers by A Life Crocheted via Etsy


But then I found these...
Wild Things Felted Slipper by Paw Felts via Etsy
Perhaps more my style? They are after all...A Little Off Kilter


Which ones do you like?


Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Confusion


Although Adam and I had decided that we would continue to cycle with our current clinic we still had an appointment booked to see a Dr. at the Ottawa Fertility Centre. We decided to keep that appointment in the hopes that perhaps a new set of eyes and ears could be beneficial. This morning we had that appointment. I really liked the clinic, I really liked the staff and I really did like the Dr. that we saw. But....

I left feeling very confused. Basically he didn't agree with anything that my current RE has set up for FET #2. It was suggested that I do a Natural FET Cycle. To do this I need to have a mock trial cycle next month and if I pass I can move onto the actual cycle the next month...but...they shut down for Christmas so there is no way that I would be able to cycle before the New Year. If all the stars aligned, I would cycle in January. If I fail that mock cycle, I would have to do another mock cycle. If I failed that one...it would then be onto a medicated FET cycle - which is the one that my current RE has me on.

Dr L. also disagreed with using Medrol and I'm not too sure how I feel about this. I was hoping that perhaps the Medrol could give us that extra wee little boost for success. If we cycle with OFC, I will not be prescribed Medrol.

I was supposed to take my Lupron Depot injection last night. We were able to delay the Lupron Depot shot by one day but one day only...we need to decide tonight what we are going to do. Stay with our current clinic and cycle now and transfer in December or switch to the Ottawa Fertility Centre, mock cycle next month and hope to cycle again in January. I am so confused...the tears have been flowing.

Has anyone done a Nautral FET?

 Thoughts, suggestions and opinions are appreciated. What would you do?

I'm Confused by Vozamer via Etsy

Monday, October 24, 2011

FET #2

We've reached a decision....we have decided to start frozen embryo transfer #2.


I'd like to say that it was an easy decision but we really had to think long and hard about this one. Emotionally were we ready? Financially could be do it again so soon? Friday afternoon I had a lengthy phone appointment with my RE. We discussed the last three cycles...what worked, what didn't work, what we could do differently next time etc. Dr. D took the time to discuss my cycles at length and I hung up the phone feeling much better about things than I had been. 


What we have decided is to add Medrol which is a steroid. Everything in both cycles looked great. Lining was great, embryos were great but still we ended both with a BFN. Adding the Medrol will hopefully suppress my immune system enough to not reject the embryos...at least that is the hope. I will also be on a much longer cycle this time and the thought there is that my ovaries will be suppressed and out of the picture and it will give my lining more time to thicken naturally. 


So....


Tonight I take my injection of Lupron Depot and I must say, I was pleasantly surprised...instead of daily injections, this one is one intramuscular injection only that slowly releases over a month. I like this! 




Our frozen embryo transfer #2 looks a little something like this...

  • October 24th - start Lupron injections
  • November 14th - start Estrace
  • November 25th - start Progesterone
  • November 28th - lining check
  • December 1st - Protocol change - start Medrol
  • Estimated ET - December 8th
  • Estimated Beta - December 22nd

Feeling excited and scared!





Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sunday

"Sunday is the golden clasp that binds together the volume of the week"

This weekend was lovely. This weekend was relaxing. This weekend was filled with long heartfelt conversations & decisions. This volume is at an end but another new exciting volume to our life and our journey...begins again tomorrow. 



Saturday, October 22, 2011

Ghost & Gallows

Are you afraid of the dark?

We decided to have a little Halloween fun with a couple of friends of ours and headed downtown Ottawa for the "Ghost & Gallows" tour that spends a couple of hours touring the old haunted jail...in the dark!

Old Carleton County Jail
The Gallows
Do we look scared?
The Canal at night

Hope your Saturday was spooktacular...boo!


Friday, October 21, 2011

Love According to Dr. Suess

“We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” 


Dr. Suess...you, my friend...were a very, very wise man!

 

Happy Weekend!





Thursday, October 20, 2011

Welcome Back

Last night I did something that I haven't done in many, many months...

 At Coyote Rock Gym

I saw the inside of a climbing gym and get this...I actually climbed and what's even better...my soft, I've been on fertility meds for 4 months, squishy, slighter heavier body...could actually still climb! It felt great...I am starting to feel like my old self again. The happy, loves climbing, seeing my friends self that IVF squashed just a little. Welcome back Me!


Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

eek!

I was pretty sure that I had a UTI so off I went to the clinic. When I went in to “leave my sample” I forgot to lock the door - I'm sure you can see where this is going - So there I was  mid-stream when some woman comes barging in like she’s got some serious business to attend to. And of course I am trying to pee in a tiny little cup with a bladder more full than the Hoover Dam or perhaps Niagara Falls. Either way, I’m just trying not to pee all over myself when said lady breaks thru the door. I'm horrified and was expecting her to turn tail and flee out the door...cause that's what I what do! But no...she stares and then I’m all ummm, Hi I’m in here” and she just continues to stare. No words just stares. And I’m all Hellllllloooo! it’s the same as yours, stop staring and please, please get out! And then she stared some more. What?!? I was horrified. I'm sure that almost everyone would get the gist of what I was saying and grasp the levity of the situation. But not her. Noooo, she just stood there. I was actually a little worried that the pure sight of my woo-hoo gave her a stroke or something. So I’m like ok well you go ahead and stand there then. I’ll just finish up and be on may way. And I did… very quickly. As I walked out after washing my hands she just stood all statuesque and still and I’m still wondering if I should have had someone check on her to make sure my woo-hoo didn't zombify her!
eek burlap pillow by Aislinn Creations via Etsy

Monday, October 17, 2011

Double Life?

"Angry Birds"...I  am woman enough to admit that I have wasted plenty of time attacking pigs wearing helmets with assorted little birds - I like the exploding egg dropping bird the best - Adam and I were watching TV last night and this commercial came on....


What's so funny you ask?....well...the yellow bird sounds exactly like our RE and I mean exactly like him...it was both weird and funny. Perhaps Dr. D in addition to his life as a fertility doctor moonlights as a voice actor cause I'd put money on it being him! Next time I'm at my clinic waiting...I am so playing "Angry Birds" although it might be considerably harder to keep a straight face when I meet with him.

I'm just happy that a couple of weeks after my second BFN...I'm back to feeling like my self and am able to laugh at the silly things!

Happy Monday!

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Lazy

This weekend has been very, very lazy and I've loved every minute of it!

The weather has definitely taken a turn towards fall and the weekend has been filled with wind and rain which brings me to one of my favorite things...


Wind blown leaves all over our front yard.

I love lazy Sunday mornings tucked into bed...Adam and I both reading our favorite books...

I Love You More by Hop Skip Jump Paper via Etsy

In keeping with my lazy theme...I also found this teapot and I love  it so...

Lazy Teapot by Lotte Alpert

How was your weekend?

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Wanna Play?


We have our appointment with the new Fertility Clinic on the 25th and if all goes well, we'll jump into another FET in November. Which brings me to this...


Do you ever feel like the infertility game is rigged?
Here's your chance to play like a real high roller. Dole out the cash, line up your dainty silver shoe, and join me in a spirited game of Infertilitopoly.
Like the classic board game that inspired it, completing a single round of Infertilitopoly takes forever. And like the classic, you'll end up paying an awful lot of money to people you don't even like. And like the classic, you'll seethe with the urge to commit mayhem against those who are lucky enough to win.
You'll shell out the big bucks every time you land on those desirable blue properties right next to "Go". Park Place becomes "Pay for your cyle" and Boardwalk becomes "Hand over all your money to your clinic". You'll grumble in annoyance when you happen to land on the cruddy brown spots — baby showers for your sister-in-law and your least favorite co-worker. And you'll yodel with joy when your opponents land on the pink areas if you're holding the cards for First Response, EPT, and Answer!
Step right up and roll the dice. Choose a chance card or call your doctor. Join me, won't you? But I get to be the thimble.



Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Tomato Tuesday

I like tomatoes...I really do and tomatoes like me...they really do...but...I'm beginning to think that this may be a case of "too much of a good thing"...


Here today...gone tomato? I don't think so. It's gonna take me weeks to eat my way through all of these! I wonder if tomatoes are good for implantation. Might have to Google that one :-)

I declare today to be "Tomato Tuesday"

Monday, October 10, 2011

Appreciation

This Thanksgiving I really needed to take a step back from the whole IVF thing and focus on the "Now" and start appreciating what I have and letting go of what I don't have. I realized that I was holding onto the negative and well...that really wasn't going to get me anywhere. Time to pull up my boot straps, hold up my head and move on and as hard as that has been and is going to be...it must be done! We have four little embryos waiting for us and for that...I am incredibly thankful. 


On the way to Kingston we stopped and took a walk along the shore...

Skipping rocks



I hope your Thanksgiving was lovely.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Give Thanks

Just a few of the things I am thankful for...


1. Love. Adam is my soul-mate who supports me in every way possible.
2. My family. 
We have our ups and downs, but they really are my foundation. 
3. Laughter.
 There is little better in the world than the laugh-so-hard-you-cry feeling. 
4. 
Fun. Who doesn't love a little bit (or a lot!) of fun in their lives? 
5. Friendship
There is no way I could survive without my friends. Love you guys! 
6. Home. 
This is something I usually take for granted, but I heart my home!
7. My health. Other than my hostile uterus, 
 I'm a pretty healthy girl and I'm so, so, SO happy about that
8. 
Kisses. There are all sorts of kisses, but all of them are so awesome. 
9. Books (and the library, where they let you take a stack of books for FREE)
10. 
Weekends. Ahh, to be work-free for a few days. Love it! 
11. 
Change. It scares the crap out of me sometimes, but it can be a wonderful thing if you embrace it.
12. 
Now. It's awesome to live in the moment. The only time we have is NOW! 
13. The changing seasons. I heart you Fall.
14. 
Positivity. Look for the good in everything and you will find it...especially true these past few months.
15. Bubble Baths. There really is nothing better on a cold winter evening!
16. 
New Places. They can be scary sometimes, but the excitement is part of the fun! 
17.  Expressing gratitude. Taking the time to appreciate just how lucky in life I really am. 

18. Netflix and Graboid. Thanks for the laughs, tears and scares...just no clowns please!
19. 
Hope. Sometimes it's hard to find, but it's always there, waiting to lift me up. 
20. A great glass of wine. I'm talking about you 
Gigondas & Mosel.
21. Crockpot dinner on a Sunday evening.
22. Health of my family – now and continuing on.
23. Challenges in life that has made me who I am.
 They may suck at the time, but they always make me a better person.  
24. 
Emotions. Sometimes it's scary to feel things deeply, but it's also very wonderful. 
25. 
 Coziness. It feels so good to cuddle up and be cozy with a great book (or person...Adam!). 


Give Thanks Banner by bekahjennings via Etsy


Wishing you all a very Happy Thanksgiving!




Thursday, October 6, 2011

Did You Know?



October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. It is also National Cookie MonthNational Popcorn Popping Month, Sarcastic Month, Eat Country Ham Month & National Pizza Month...don't belive me...Google it!
By coincidence, October also happens to be "Screw my hostile uterus" month.
This month will be a rest cycle for me. No drugs — not even Robitussin - If I want that smooth, rich flavor, I'll settle for its close cousin, Southern Comfort - No anxiety. No stress. No early morning meetings with the dildo cam. No blood draws, peeing on sticks or boucing up and down to make sure my boobs are still sore. No shoving progesterone up my woo hoo three times a day (I'm pretty happy about this one).
No fertility procedures on Friday's, unlike the previous three cycles.
I'm in good shape at the moment. I'm not currently seething with hormones; I know what our next couple of steps are; and I'm not waiting for any particular clusterfrack to ensue.
This month I rest. I'll deal with next month...next month.


Monday, October 3, 2011

Time For A Change?

It's now been a few days since my BFN and I'm doing okay...I guess. This one has hit me a lot harder because to be honest, I really wasn't expecting it. I felt very differently this cycle than I did in my fresh cycle...I was convinced I was pregnant...I was wrong!


After much discussion between Adam and I, we are considering transferring our remaining four frozen embryos to a clinic here in Ottawa. There are a number of reasons why....but anger seems to still be at the top of my list...let me explain. In August I received my BFN via email...yes email. I asked my nurse to please call in addition to emailing me...she never called. This BFN was also received via email...this was after asking her to please call and after her confirming that she would do so. There is just something sad about being at home alone and getting the news in the least personal way. Maybe that's just me. Perhaps others would rather get the news over email?


Fresh cycle my follow up with my RE was over the phone (he's 5 hours away). I was asking lots of questions that he didn't seem to have the answers to because he finally admitted that he did not have my chart in front of him. Fast forward to my call with him on Friday...same thing. How can he discuss my failed cycle when he doesn't have my chart and doesn't remember anything about my cycle. 


It's all just left me with a bad taste in my mouth. Information was always hard to get out of them, my nurse was never good at relaying information, we never once received a call from the embryologist...it was always vague and over email from our nurse.  It just seems to me that the whole experience could have and should have been different. I do believe it's time for a change. 




*Sigh*

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Distraction

I was in some desperate need of distraction this weekend  so it was a good thing that my house was listening to me...


Old fireplace...

New fireplace...

Old dining room light fixture...

New dining room light fixture...


I suppose that my big fat negative was good for something...getting my ass in gear to tackle some much needed house projects! 


Thanks infertility...you are at least good for something!


How was your weekend?



Saturday, October 1, 2011

A Message





The messages of love and support that I have received have meant a great deal to me. To know that I am surrounded by such love, both here and in life...makes me feel very blessed, very lucky & very loved. You have all helped to ease the pain and for that I am Thankful.


Yesterday is gone, today is a new day and tomorrow will be better.



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