Sadness is emotional pain associated with, or characterized by feelings of disadvantage, loss, despair, helplessness, sorrow, and rage. The days following the news that our precious embryos did not survive were hard...really hard but I was also surprised that after a day of tears (many, many tears), I picked myself up a little and did my best to be happy. We had a great weekend. We went to a movie, we had friends over for pizza & game night. It was good. I was happy. And then the sadness hit me again. I was thinking about the grief yesterday. And this morning, and most of the rest of my waking hours, actually. I was wondering why this pervasive sadness was back again, when not even getting to transfer after a cycle isn't really as bad as having a miscarriage, no matter how early that miscarriage was. And I realized, because I'm so bright that way, that the sadness is back because this isn't any different than the grief of the miscarriage. It's all on...
You have such a great attitude about this. It's very inspiring. I am bracing myself for possible bad news next Thursday. It's so nervewracking to not know. In some way knowing something allows you to get on with the next plan, instead of being in limbo. Still, I am so sorry that this FET did not fulfill your dreams.
ReplyDeleteI love your optimism. And while all the words of comfort do help, I hope you take the time to heal. I've found that even when I think I'm doing okay with all this infertility crap, something will catch me off guard and I crumble. Thinking of you.
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