FSH Ain't Nothing But A Number

For those of you playing along at home, here is the annotated version of last weeks results:

FSH: 20 - This is 3 points higher then it was five months ago. Dr. Google in his deep, authoritative voice, “Anything below 6 is excellent.”. We know 20 isn't good. Just like we knew that 17.91 and 17 weren't good.

LH: 9.4 - Dr. Google shifts uncomfortably in his chair. “As you see here, I prefer an LH below 7. It was 6.96 five months ago.

TSH: 0.55 - The good Doctor gives a brisk nod...normal.


DHEA: 8.5 - A small smile appears at the corner of Dr. Google’s brow....normal.


E2: 118 - A small furrow appears on Dr. Google's brow "This is too high for Day 3" I do know that a high E2 level will artificially suppress FSH so my level of 20 in all likelihood is higher.


Day 5 Antral follicle count: 2. Yes, 2. This is 4 less than five months ago and for a 37 year old...it's dismal. 

Day 5 Endometrial thickness: 7.7mm. Way too thick for Day 5.

So there you have it. I'm not going to lie...I was hopeful that the 7 months of taking DHEA and CoQ10 were going to help improve things...even if it was just a little. I did however tell Adam that I had a pretty good feeling that my FSH was going to be higher and 20 was the number I had settled on. This somehow strikes me as amusing.

Honestly, after hearing said news, some of the spring seemed to have gone from my step...if you know what I mean. I was letting those damn numbers somehow define who I am as a woman. I was allowing those stupid numbers to hold such crippling power over me and it took these words from a very dear friend whom I love very much, to snap me out of it...

"Sometimes I worry that you are defining your self worth by your ability to procreate. I still love you, either way and so does everyone else".

I am not the sum of my numbers. 

I am Janet. 

I am mighty and I am strong.




Comments

  1. You absolutely are mighty and strong. I can show you story after story of woman who defined odds and got pregnant. You just need four things, which you have and can get a hold of:

    Uterus
    Tubes
    One Egg
    Sperm

    That is the making of a baby :) Sending you hugs and lots of them!

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  2. You are not defined by your ability to reproduce. You are so much more than that. I honestly don't really know what all those number above mean, since I'm still waiting on mine, but I'm wishing you lots of luck with whatever your next step is! <3

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  3. you are strong. you are doing this, and you are still fighting. i hope that pot of gold is somewhere close.

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  4. We are all greater than our numbers :) You are strong, you are smart, and you'll find a way to get where you need to be.

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  5. your friend's words are so beautiful. so are you. sending love and keeping positive thoughts. <3<3<3
    maria

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  6. We are greater than the sum of our numbers, but I struggle with those definitions of myself too, at times...You ARE mighty and strong, and you're doing this. Thinking and wishing good things for you.

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  7. I do my best to ignore my numbers because knowing how far away I am from normal is not going to help me stay positive. We are absolutely more than our numbers.

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  8. You most certainly are NOT the sum of your numbers. I recently posted on my blog that our existance is not the sum of his sperm and my eggs. I'm working on making THAT my mantra! Wishing you the best...

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