I was actually looking forward to turning 40. With each passing decade, my life gets better and better. My twenties were somewhat of a mess. My thirties were better as I met my partner, had great employment and had a baby.
Standing on the doorstep of my 40s is a positive for me. I know that I have an amazing partner and I am truly lucky to have him. I also know that my love for my son knows no bounds and watching him grow is an indescribable experience. The 40s will bring me more peace, within me and on the periphery. It does not scare me, although that may be due to the fact that everyone thinks I am in my early thirties (Good genes, I guess!). I know my life has improved over time and turning 40 will not change that. It is just a number, right?
Why should it matter? I don't feel 40, but when I turned 30, I didn't feel that, either. I don't know what it is supposed to feel like and the truth is, why should I even spend time worrying about that? Forty years is a long time and only I hold the key to my feelings and my experiences from these past 40 years. Certainly, my parents, siblings and friends can describe some of this, but I am the only one who can speak about my own feelings and experiences, as they are mine.
Instead of worrying about a number, why don't we celebrate more? Forty is a milestone, for sure, and I want to celebrate all I have been through: good and bad. So many thoughts and memories flood my head. The tough times were worth it because I would not be who I am today if not for the past 40 years of experiences.
Starting with a "normal" childhood, which was very happy. My early twenties was a mix of difficult and greatness: being on my own for the first time when my parents moved across the country. I made great friends though and was able to experience military life but it was not until I met Adam at the age of 32 that I felt comfortable and able to be my authentic self. He is partly responsible for my happiness in my 30s, even through the stress and emotional roller coaster of fertility treatments (IVF, frozen transfers, major surgery). Lochlan is my ultimate joy in my life. He is our miracle.
So, what will now happen in my life as I enter the 40s? It will certainly be interesting, but based on my life thus far, there will be more growing and more understanding of the people I love and those who love me. Now that's what I call a cause for celebration, don't you?