Who Are These People and Why Do We Need Them - Part II

I don't often drink coffee but this morning I was craving a cup (perhaps because Lochlan was awake every two hours last night) so I made a pot and poured myself a cup of coffee. I opened the fridge and reached for the creamer - Silk french vanilla - perfect - a lovely treat (that I don't remember buying. I blame the lack of sleep). As I shake and pour ( I didn't even need directions, imagine that), I notice yet another warning label on the container. WARNING: NOT TO BE USED AS INFANT FORMULA. Okay...I have to ask...who in their right flapping mind would pour Silk french vanilla creamer into a baby bottle and say "Brilliant! Now I don't have to go the store today for formula!" Are the legal departments of these companies sitting around thinking these things up or are they actually doing this and calling the 1-800 number on the back of the product?

A few others for you to ponder and then I will sign off...

I merely looked into the medicine cabinet at home for some easy winners of the useless label contest:
  • Tylenol PM - May cause drowsiness - I paid good money to fall into a deep-coma-like sleep..it better cause a whole lot more than drowsiness. 
  • Windex - as you know from My Big Fat Greek Wedding - a staple in any greek home. Warning: Do not spray directly in eyes. Really? 
  • Bandaids - Directions: Cover affected area with Bandage. Really? I was thinking I'd cover my eye so I didn't have to look at the wound. 
  • Pepto - Do not use if you have a black stool. My friend has 3 black stools at her breakfast bar. I need to warn her...she shouldn't never have this bottle in the house. 
In conclusion - I'd like to say that if we are going to eliminate jobs, the writers of these ads should go first.

Also, if we are going to continue to insist on catering to those that need to be pointed out the obvious, then they should also have to wear a warning label. Imagine how much easier our lives would be then. Imagine getting in the returns line at Walmart behind someone who's warning label says "WARNING: this person is prone to ask too many questions of the clerk returning the item, may also contemplate applying for credit card and take too long looking for ID. Prone to text during transactions as well. Proceed with caution."

Wouldn't we be so lucky to know these things ahead of time in our daily lives. I imagine my warning label would go a little something like this...

"Warning, this woman tends to be cranky when tired, has a blatant overuse of sarcasm, and known for an F bomb or two, use caution when entering her personal space."

What would your warning label say?


  1. LOVE this!!! Mine would probably simply be that I am a complete push over! Gonna have to get a better warning for myself!

  2. Thanks for the laugh this morning :)


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