I Love Fruit & I Love Dessert...But...

I'm not sure if it's pregnancy or just one of those things but I have been thinking about dessert a lot lately...like a lot! My 'thing' as of late is vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce. I'm ashamed to admit it but this morning, I ventured out in the pouring rain, across town to buy 6 boxes of Nestlé Drumsticks. That's 24 drumsticks! There are a few desserts though that I feel might be more of a punishment then a treat.

Here's my list of desserts that are actually punishment...

  • Rice Pudding - Rice pudding had ONE job to do: Don’t resemble larvae of any kind. And it blew it. It totally blew it.
  • Biscotti -These could easily be used as weapons. That alone should disqualify them from dessert. Humans don’t even really have the jaw strength to bite into a biscotti. You’d need a lion or a bear to make a dent in one of these and even then they probably wouldn't even want it.
  • Ambrosia Salad - This (somehow?) walks the line between dessert and side dish, but it still manages to be the stuff of nightmares. Everyone’s favorite salad topping is maraschino cherries. And there’s really nothing more refreshing or necessary than combining Cool Whip with marshmallows. Person who invented this, WHY DID YOU DO THIS?
  • Assortment of Hard Little Cookies - These sirens have tricked you too many times. They look pretty and festive stacked on a platter. Deep down in your heart you know they taste like hard, crumbly garbage. But maybe this time it can be different. Maybe just once they will taste good. You fool. They will never taste good.
  • Peanut BrittleThis is great if you’re just tired of having teeth and don’t want them anymore.
  • Meringues - A layperson might think this is fancy French chalk that children are given to draw with on a chalkboard. Wrong! Surprise — it’s food!
  • Macarons - The problem with macarons is not their taste so much as the way they taunt you with their fanciness. They rub their fanciness right in your face. They think they’re better than you, or rather, they know they’re better than you. “I represent a luxurious lifestyle you could never possibly achieve,” the macarons whisper. Those little bastards.
  • Frozen Bananas - No. A chocolate banana can seem appealing but when you actually try to eat it, you basically freeze your mouth off. And then you’re left holding this stupid banana.
  • Fruit Cake - The ultimate cliché in undesired dessert.

I think I'll stick to the Drumsticks...yummm!


Comments

  1. Haaa!! I will only be able to disagree with you on frozen bananas (chocolate covered ones? DELICIOUS!!!!) and peanut brittle, which is amazing. But otherwise...yeah. Stop.

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  2. You are WRONG about chocolate covered bananas. For now, we'll blame it on the baby :) My sweets of choice while pregnant were all breakfast related. Cocoa krispies, toast with homemade jam and huge glasses of chocolate milk- multiple times a day. I'm still slightly amazed I only gained 40lbs with twins and didn't find myself with gestational diabetes! Enjoy those sweets in any quantity you please- you're pregnant, it's one of the perks :)

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  3. Love your commentary on dastardly desserts! I am currently enjoying a bowl of vanilla ice cream with caramel and strawberries...but I think you may have inspired me to go get some drumsticks!

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