Existing

Woke up feeling so low and empty. 
Feel like running away from everything. 
Can't cope with anything today. 
Have no energy, just want to sleep. 
Can't eat a thing.
Today...today, I'm just existing.

Perhaps it's because I had very little sleep last night.
Perhaps it's because when I opened my inbox it was flooded with pregnancy announcements and updates that made my hostile uterus clench in despair and sadness...also anger.
Perhaps it's because yesterday was warm and sunny and today was cold and windy.
Perhaps it's because my eye continues to heal thus having to endure more eyeglass wearing (seems silly I know...perhaps even sillier when I write it out)
Perhaps it's because it took me 30 minutes and 10 outfits to find something to wear to work.
Perhaps it's because after enduring a 38 day cycle and another chemical...I feel nothing but hopelessness.

But whatever it is...I hope it passes soon.



Comments

  1. Sending you lots of hugs! Wish I could come up and bake a bunch of brownies for you. xoxo

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  2. Ugh this just makes me so sad and I want to give you a big hug and tell you it will get better. Take the time you need and have these feelings. We have to go through so many different levels of hurt, anger, and craziness during this fight. You have earned every single feeling you are having. I hope you feel better soon.

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  3. Janet, my heart is breaking in pieces for you! I was praying that your lack of update on the blood drawl was a good thing, I was so sad when I read the first few lines because I knew. I just knew that you were dealt shit cards again...It's not freaking fair!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as you go through yet another heartbreaking month. Lots of love, and big big hugs!!

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  4. Wow, this post just makes me want to send you a bucket of chicken noodle soup. I hope things started looking up after you wrote it. Sending virtual hugs instead of soup....

    ReplyDelete

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