Bright Idea

I think we need a new word.

Sure, there are already a lot of words in the English language. Take 'umbilical', for instance. Or 'pepperpot'; that's a good one, too. I'm also a big fan of 'comely', 'lichen', and 'onomatopoetic' (this one is my should google it and listen to the correct it).

So, the thing is this...all those words I've mentioned, plus all the others that I didn't (since there's only so much space available here), don't really do the thing that I want this new word to do. And that's why we need the new word. There's a 'word gap' here. A semantic void. A lexical lacuna, a phraseological pockmark, a communicative chasm. A vocabularial vacuity, even.

In answer to your question, yes, I decided to tiptoe through the thesaurus while I was searching for words. This is what qualifies as entertainment for me these days. (I know, sad right? Weep for me, dear readers. Weep for me.)

Anyway, here's why we need a new's come to my attention that there's no 'independent' word that means 'not funny'. Sure, there's 'unfunny', and you can always say 'not funny', but these are just derivatives of 'funny', itself. Doesn't a concept so important and honorable as 'funny' (or, if you prefer: humorous, witty, clever, comical, entertaining, riotous, whimsical...) deserve its own antonym? Can't we spare just one more word for a good cause?

Think about it...all the other common, useful adjectives have their own opposites. If you're not 'well', then you don't have to be 'unwell', though you can be, if you want. But you can also be 'sick', or 'ill', or 'insane in the membrane'. And if you're not 'hot'? Well, there's always 'cold', or 'ugly', or simply 'not'.

But all 'funny' gets is versions of itself. Until now, that is. I, for one, am ready to stand up for my good friend 'funny' and lobby for a new word to mean...well, not it, basically. And I've given this a lot of thought. I've come up with a strategy, and some theory, and I've even got a word to suggest. That's right, I'm bringing up a problem, and then I'm fixing it. I'm not some Monday-morning quarterback, or backseat driver, or grimy politician, here. No, sir. I'm here to help. So help me help you, and hop on board the bandwagon. I've got a new word, and I'm determined to get it into the dictionary.

And that word... is 'yaffled'.

Yes, yaffled. Now, hear me out, here. See, I figure that the word that's gonna mean 'not funny' should, itself, sound a bit funny. That way, the unfunniness of whatever you're describing (soon to be known as its 'yafflehood') becomes obvious. If the thing's not even as funny as saying 'yaffleded', then it really is yaffleded.

(See, see? A word that tests its own meaning. How cool is that? I've only come up with one word, and it does double-duty.

Screw 'onomatopoetic'...lazy stupid word, anyway (even though it sounds really cool).

Anyway, get on board the yaffled ed train, people. Go forth and spread the yaffled word. It's not hard or anything. All you have to do is sprinkle it into everyday conversation, and soon enough, it'll stick. And you'll have plenty of chances to whip it out and use it.

When are watching a new TV show (we are afterall in the midst of some new 2014 TV) and it sucks, I'm just gonna turn to Adam and say "I could do better than this. This shit is so yaffled!"

To which, he'll no doubt reply (as usual) "What the hell are you talking about?"

And then I'll explain it to him, and we'll be off and running. 'Yaffled' will be born, and will start its slow seeeep into the collective consciousness. And you can say you were in on the ground floor, that you 'knew yaffled way back when'. So get out there now, and call yaffleed like you see it. Go tell yaffled from the mountain. Be the yaffled police, start a yaffled neighborhood watch, or start the League to Stamp Out Yaffleriety. Whatever. Just do your part, in your own unique way. Now that we have a name for it, we can start reducing the yafflehood all around us. And one magical day...we'll have gotten rid of it completely, and the world will be free of yaffledness for good.


  1. When talking to my husband, I always use new words from Tonisha's dictionary. He laughs so hard and asks what the word is suppose to mean :)

  2. This is a really good point!!! That's really irritating that there's no word for unfunny...yaffled it is! Love it!


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