Etiquette

Elevator etiquette is a lost art.

Like many people I know, I, on occasion take the elevator... or take the stairs but honestly, the lack of oxygen in most stairwells has to be pretty close to the same as Mt. Everest and I'm usually needing to sit down and take a break by the 4th floor; let’s face it… that’s not even close enough to ½ way to call myself anything more than pathetic. So, I ride the elevator which is an interesting event on its own. I'm constantly amazed by the lack of courtesy people seem to have. Granted you'll likely never risk seeing the same people again but still.

I may not always be the sharpest crayon in the box but it just seems like common sense that if you are getting off one floor away from where you are now, you shouldn't decide that you should hop to the “back of the bus” and then make everyone and their 18 lbs of whatever they are carrying get out of your way. Secondly, we're all going to the same place generally so it pretty much confuses the hell out of me as to why I have grown ass men running me over to get into the elevator before me. Really??? Chivalry is dead! Dead I tell ya. Where I come from its common courtesy to hold the door for whoever is behind you. I do this all the time, so why on earth do I seem to find myself surrounded with so many people who let the door slam right behind them when I'm right there? 

Perhaps we should all go back to a time when we learned everything we ever needed to know? I firmly believe all elevators need a modified version of this posted in the back:

Everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten by Robert Fulghum ...
(and a little of my elevator perspective)

• Share everything. (Make room jerkface)
• Play fair. (don’t kill someone trying to beat them to the elevator)
• Don't hit people. (seriously!)
• Put things back where you found them. (Don't chew your breakfast in my ear – ok so this doesn't really go here but I needed it to go somewhere and I didn't have anything else to say about this one…?)
• Clean up your own mess. (Please don't spill whatever food you were eating and just leave it for the help)
• Don't take things that aren't yours. (wait your turn yit ball)
• Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. (my toe would appreciate this gesture)
• Wash your hands before you eat. (or after you use the bathroom, I don't want to touch the buttons and get your germs. Ewww)
• Flush. (well yeah.)
• Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. (or cupcakes)
• Live a balanced life. (do not stand right on top of me. Respect my bubble)
• Learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some. (but don't tell your boss I told you to do the first 3)
• Take a nap every afternoon. (preferably not in the elevator, it’s already pretty crowded)
• When you go out into the world, watch for traffic, hold hands and stick together. (meh)
• Be aware of wonder. (whoever farted is not the person you thought)
• Remember the little seed in the plastic cup? The roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that. Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the plastic cup — they all die. So do we. (Some of you will die sooner if you don't learn some etiquette)
• And then remember the book about Dick and Jane and the first word you learned, the biggest word of all: look. (L-O-O-K for others and hold the damn door if they are coming, don't break your finger hitting the close doors button)
• Everything you need to know is in there somewhere. The Golden Rule and love and basic sanitation. Ecology and politics and sane living.

Think what a better world it would be if we all ~ the whole world ~ had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our society to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together.

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