Hypotheticaly Speaking

I like to think about how many times and how many ways I would have died already if I happened to be born 38,000 years ago instead of 38 years ago. I say I like to think about it because none of them have happened, so I can be glad. And I think you should too.

Here are the 4 most plausible deaths of my hypothetical prehistoric existence:

1. Eaten by a bear - I can be clumsy, and what little coordination I have doesn't stand up terribly well to high-pressure situations. I can all but guarantee you that if I was being chased by a hungry, large-toothed animal, I would trip over even the most unobtrusive rock or twig and be greedily consumed.

2. Fallen off a cliff - I was born with less than awesome vision. I had to wear glasses (and get teased for it) when I was in grade school. If I had been born before glasses were invented, I would have been stumbling around with my arms outstretched looking for a landmark or friend. It is perfectly likely that one of those days, I would have gotten too adventurous and gone half-blindly exploring near a cliff, quickly finding myself at the bottom of it.

3. Competition - I'm not a competitive person (other than in winning a game or scoring a goal that is). Sure, I have a vague interest in being good at stuff, but I'm not a head-to-head, "you're going down" kind of person with any kind of regularity. So if push came to shove, and food or water resources were scarce, I'd probably be more likely to share than hoard. This behaviour would benefit me if everyone else did the same, but in a life-or-death, every-woman-for-herself situation, I wouldn't be the one to let others die so I could live. So that would be the end of prehistoric me.

4. Infection - As clumsy as I am, I'm not as accident-prone as I should be, but I have had a few pretty bad, self-imposed injuries: falling off my bike, mangling my face; smashing my thumb in a car door, slicing into my finger while cutting tomatoes (I do this a lot). Had I done any of these things before hand soap and hospitals were around, I would have lost fingers to infection, if I didn't entirely succumb to it and die.

Oh, well.

Obviously, I am very glad that I was born in the 70's instead of 7,000 B.C. The fact that I have survived this long, despite my imperfections is impressive. That is what most call progress and what I call human beings being exempt from Natural Selection. 

Thank goodness.
via Excitable Dog
P.S. Today is 7dpo.


  1. Ha!! I'd be walking off cliffs with you. I really wonder how people survived before glasses!

  2. you could write a book. i love everything you write. i hope 7dpo and 9dpo (today) go well for you. :)


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