Dear Q-Tips,

Sometimes when I go awhile without like a day, or two, or three, or five or like if I’m rock climbing or sometimes in the summer when "shower" really means "lake", there is something about the post-shower routine that I don’t know I’m missing until the sensation of loss is so extreme I will literally burst if I cannot get a Q-Tip in my ear.

I’m a firm believer that the best part of the shower is the post-shower Q-Tip swipe. I feel strongly about giving each ear its own focused Q-Tip sesh because like, oh my balls, it feels so good to just stick that cotton swab in there and wiggle it around and pull it out and maybe monitor wax levels and then just let out a big sigh of relief and go about your business (and maybe your business is putting on deodorant or brushing your teeth or going Number Two or something. I don’t know your morning routine, okay?).

Sometimes I will get all up in my ear and sometimes I will get all up around my ear and that’s a really good time to see how gross human beings are and when I say human beings I mostly mean me because it’s kind of weird how much guck collects back there and where does it come from?

Anyway, I remember this one time hearing about a friend who shoved a Q-Tip so far up her ear that her eardrum popped which is a huge bummer but maybe also an urban myth for obsessive compulsives. Either way, it’s always important to practice Q-Tip safety.

Q-Tips are also good for all sorts of other things but I can’t think of those things right now because I want nothing more than to take a shower and get a Q-Tip and clean out my inner ear like a boss. Like the boss of Q-Tips.

Your friend,




  1. Replies
    1. OH - and for me, it HAS to be Q-tip. No other brand will do. It's the perfect amount of cotton and the perfect strength.

  2. q-tips personally freak me out. I am not a big fan of cotton or the feel of it. Now my daughter using them all the time. I can't keep q-tips stocked in my house :)

  3. Couldn't have said it better, Love me some Qtips. I think it might be better than sex!

  4. Oh lord I thought it was just me. I am obsessed. And like Infertile625 said, Q-Tips and only Q-Tips. The other brands are all wimpy and bendy. I've always heard that sticking stuff in your ears is bad...but if it's wrong, I don't wanna be right.

  5. Love the Q-Tip. You just have to be a bit gentle when you go inside (do you remember that PSA about not putting anything in your ear smaller than your elbow?) but if I go away and I forget to bring Q-tips my showering is just not complete. You captured it perfectly!


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