My Truth

Last week I posted sixteen reasons why I love being pregnant and I DO love being pregnant but I'm also not not afraid to admit this...pregnancy is also terrifying!

I'm pregnant with a baby I want and a baby that Adam and I planned for. I've been met with many "Congrats...You must be thrilled" and I am. It’s magical. It’s wonderful! Except… I don't feel like this all of the time. My reality...pregnancy is terrifying. 

I don’t know what’s going on with my body. No one tells you what’s normal and what’s not. Even sixteen weeks in, I'm constantly on guard. Every twinge, every ache, pull or tickle has be on edge. Is the baby all right? Is he still alive? Will I miscarry? I naively expected those fears to go away the further I got but the truth...not even slightly. 

Take yesterday for example. I woke up, went to work, going about my day when I felt a gush and I knew, just knew what I was going to find and my worst fears were realized...blood. Not a lot but enough to send me reeling. I called my OB's office and within a couple of hours, we were in for an ultrasound...

Baby boy is a bendy one...those are his legs/feet above his head

I'm thrilled to report that everything looked perfect. Baby boy (tech took a look and he's indeed a boy) measured perfectly and the details we were able to see was incredible. We saw all four chambers of the heart, both little kidneys and we could even see the adrenal glands, she even showed us the blood flow to both. Stomach, bladder, feet and toes...all there. Baby boy was moving and shaking with a heart rate of 150. Cervix was long at 3.6 cm and nicely closed. No sign of any bleeding.

In my OB's words "It's just one of those things". 

I'm to take it easy, rest and relax and I'll try my very, very best to put the terror aside and do just that. 

I cherish...Every. Single. Day.



Comments

  1. Gosh I understand this so well and didn't until I was actually pregnant for more then a few days or weeks. I used to think woman should be so happy once they got pregnant, but never realized all the fears that comes along with it.

    I do love how your son has his legs over his head

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  2. Wow that would have terrified me too! I guess there is no relaxing at any point during pregnancy. Glad everything is ok though :)

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  3. Oh gosh, I would have been terrified, too. I hate that you never get a chance to just relax and enjoy it, but I don't blame you a bit, either. Glad to see bendy baby is doing so well in there!!

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  4. I'm so sorry for your scare yesterday! I was overjoyed to be pregnant with the boys, but boy was I scared! I will say after 24 weeks I started to calm down a bit. And then about every four weeks there after I was breathing a little deeper and felt less and less fear. Here's hoping you aren't terrified right up to the end- though it'd we totally normal if you were!

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  5. So scary! I'm glad that baby boy is doing great. What a handsome baby. :)

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  6. Glad all is well! I swing between thrilled and terrified all the time...sometimes I just feel both simultaneously. Your little Gumby is adorable!

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  7. So glad to hear he is okay. Praying for you to experience peace in this pregnancy!

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