Karma Project Update

I regret to inform you that I’m not doing all that well in the Be Kind to Bugs - Project Karma department. One day this week, just as I walked into the kitchen, I noticed an ant by the patio door. I stepped on it, and I smushed it. Just like that.

It was not an accident, but it was not exactly premeditated, either. Let’s just call it involuntary antslaughter. One second the poor ant was alive. The next, it was not and I was muttering, “Crap, I just murdered another bug. This isn’t good.”

That dead ant seemed to set off some sort of murderous tendencies in me, too. Within the next 5 or so minutes, I stepped on a few more ants. 

I don’t know what got into me. I just don’t. It was an ugly, ugly day as far as Bug Compassion goes. Just the thought of it makes me feel dirty inside.

Then, I dropped a battery that I was taking out of the package and it rolled under the TV bench . At first I refused to stick my hand under there and get it because the it had become encased in cobwebs, dust bunnies and other gross things that tend to collect underneath your common every day TV bench.
It happened to be a sunny day, too. The sun was shining through the window. It was one of those sunny  days that makes you realize just how bad of a housekeeper you really are. I thought, “I can’t believe how many cobwebs are under there!". I stood there thinking for a few moments...then out came the vacuum. I mean, a battery was at stake here, a channel needed to be changed!. The vacuum was justified. Don’t you agree?
And, cobwebs couldn’t possibly be the same thing as spider webs.  I thought they might be the product of my old dead skin cells and something sticky. I didn’t think any live insect actually needed them for its well-being. At least that was the story I decided to go with as I took the vacuum hose to every corner in the room. I shoved it under every table/stand, took it upstairs and vacuumed under my bed. I was on a roll!
That’s when I learned something important.
It was this. I was always told me that if you really want to find something, you ought to stop looking for it. I always thought that advice made a lot of sense. When I vacuumed under my bed. I found nearly ever sock I’d ever lost, along with a button I thought lost, a shower curtain hook ??, some spare change, a restaurant gift card that sadly, was expired, and a toothbrush. This is what I learned...if you really want to find something, you ought to look under your bed.
Since my sock collection instantly multiplied by about 3 pairs and I grew richer by 35 cents, I decided that sucking up all the cobwebs under my bed could not possibly be bad for my Karma. But I checked Wikipedia, the ultimate authority for all of my most pressing life questions, just to be sure.
It told me that little spiders do in fact weave cobwebs. But unlike orb shaped webs, cob webs are accidents—just webby crap that haphazardly shoots out of a spider’s butt during birth and during travel. Cob webs are not spider houses. They are spider garbage dumps. It was confirmed. No Karma harm done by cleaning my bedroom.
Estimated Good Karma Points: 1 (helping the nice man at the grocery store with his dropped items) + 1 (fixing a client error that they didn't notice)
Estimated Bad Karma Points: 1 (for accidentally leaving a good book out in the rain) + 1 (for lying about what I ate for lunch) + 1 (for being sarcastic) + 5 (for killing at least 4 bugs) + 2 (for vacuuming cobwebs) + 1 (for neglecting to tip the pizza delivery guy, for reasons I don’t quite understand)
David Ruben Photography via Etsy


  1. I have some very murderous tendencies when it comes to bugs as well, and the guilt that comes with it. This is a fantastic post. Entertaining and educational. Thanks!

  2. I wonder what the charges would be according to the mother aunt for involuntary antslaughter? antslaughter... i love it!

  3. Love your karma project... hard to stick to with bugs :( All of us must be destined to karma-hell !! Love your humor :)) xoxo


Post a Comment

What are you thinking about? I'd love to hear what you have to say...

Popular posts from this blog

When I Was Your Age...


Holy Shit Balls