Be Afraid

So, I'm afraid of a lot of weird things.

But...

Let's just say that I've gotten over most of my bizarre phobias. Of course, for every one that I conquer, two or three more slither in to take its place. I'm doing my best, but my brain is hard-wired to worry, and I'm losing the battle. I couldn't possibly make it through the whole list of things that keep me up at night, but I thought that sharing one might help you understand the screaming willies that I'm always just that close to having.

One woman's bundle of nightmares is everyone else's evening entertainment, right?

In any case, here is one thing that I worry about on a daily basis, submitted for your snorting pleasure. I've given it a name, to help us talk clearly about it. (Or to help you describe my various forms of dementia to the men in the white coats when the time comes. It's all good.) Anyway...enjoy. 


Nasofolliculophobia - I've stared, transfixed and powerless to look away, at plenty of people's dangly nose hairs. Far more than I'd care to count, in fact. So I know, in my heart of hearts, that if my nostril locks were to be caught protruding from my proboscis, I wouldn't be alone. It happens all the time. Such things are tolerated, if not downright overlooked.

However. If you've ever been caught, as I have, like a deer in headlights, gazing at someone else's nose fuzz, then you know that you'd never want to subject someone else to that ungodly sight. Which means, if you're again like me, that every itch and tickle...any sensation at all, really in the vicinity of your nose throws you into a panic of doubt about your nostrillary appearance. Is there a hair showing? Or worse, several? Could there be a whole thicket of the things poking out to say hello and wave at passersby? Is there a nose hair jailbreak going on that I don't know about?

All of these questions and more run through my head, leading me to do the only thing I think may ease my mind ...I assign my fingers to perform 'perimeter checks', as discreetly as possible, to see whether there's anything poking out of my nose. I don't venture up the nostrils, but I do rub along the holes as best I can, hoping to find any rogue follicles in need of trimming. Or worse yet, pulling. Ouch!

Of course, all that checking just wiggles everything around a little more, and the itching and tickling continues, and so I have to check again. And again, and again, each time making certain that the last bit of action didn't sproing loose a hair into the open. It's a vicious circle, and the only way out is to find a mirror, do a no-touch visual check, and hope that the thing doesn't itch any more. But the alternative is to be 'that girl', walking around with jungle foliage sprouting out of my nose, and I'm not going there. And if it takes an irrational, obsessive fear to make sure it doesn't happen, then so be it. I'll take (another) one for the team, so you don't have to look at that.

So, there you have it...just a small taste of one of the things that keep me awake at night. Hopefully, if nothing else, this has helped to show you how reasonable and well adjusted you are, by comparison. And if not...if you share this same ridiculous fears, or...gasp...have even worse phobias, then...well, you've got even more to worry about now. 


You're as screwed up as I am, or even screweder.


 


Comments

  1. Lol!!! Okay, I feel bad for laughing because I know it's probably not that funny to you, but seriously, this kind of made my day! I've never given much thought to nose hair (noses in general kind of gross me out), but it is pretty distracting when someone forgets to trim... For me though, my big weirdo phobia is...well, as I call it, "the fuzzies." As in, the fuzzies that float in the air and potentially get in your mouth/contaminate your food. The worst part is that these fuzzies are invisible until you're actually eating them, which means that everything I cook/serve HAS to be covered right up until the moment of consumption. It drives Mr. E nuts as I don't let him move (ie: stir up the fuzzies) around me when I'm cooking. Weird, I know. And god forbid we enter a potentially fuzz-tastic place because I literally won't open my mouth to talk. (This also drives Mr. E nuts because such places are often determined without any real knowledge of the actual fuzz:air ratio...it's just a feeling...) So no worries! You're not alone :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lol!!! Okay, I feel bad for laughing because I know it's probably not that funny to you, but seriously, this kind of made my day! I've never given much thought to nose hair (noses in general kind of gross me out), but it is pretty distracting when someone forgets to trim... For me though, my big weirdo phobia is...well, as I call it, "the fuzzies." As in, the fuzzies that float in the air and potentially get in your mouth/contaminate your food. The worst part is that these fuzzies are invisible until you're actually eating them, which means that everything I cook/serve HAS to be covered right up until the moment of consumption. It drives Mr. E nuts as I don't let him move (ie: stir up the fuzzies) around me when I'm cooking. Weird, I know. And god forbid we enter a potentially fuzz-tastic place because I literally won't open my mouth to talk. (This also drives Mr. E nuts because such places are often determined without any real knowledge of the actual fuzz:air ratio...it's just a feeling...) So no worries! You're not alone :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. ok, mrs. e's comment about has me laughing!! and so did your post!! you should write a book! i mean it!!!

    ReplyDelete

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