Frozen

In the past, I've always come here to honestly vent my feelings. Something about wrangling my thoughts into concise sentences has always made them feel more real, more tangible, and thus more manageable. It's the cheapest form of therapy, really.

But lately, I've felt paralyzed. Frozen. The overarching issue currently is the state of my uterus...which while empty, is in no way doomed. Trying to conceive is a private, personal thing; almost impossible to accurately portray to a third party without over sharing.

And so I'm left unsure of how to handle this little space of mine on the internet. Somehow, posting entirely silly stories, pictures and my Funny Face Friday's; seem shallow and fake, as though I'm trying to maintain a 'perfect' facade by not divulging the full context of my life. And yet I still want to share those things. They're a form of therapy as well; small instances of creativity and creation amid what could be a very sad chapter in my life.

So can I simply ask that you know and understand this.

That things are both hard and exquisitely wonderful right now. That my moments of despair are always followed by experiences of comfort, love and hope. That this too shall pass, but that that knowledge doesn't entirely negate the agony of the challenge

That I miss writing to the ether and feeling validated and stronger for it. That I'll try to be more present, sharing the joys in my life without feeling false, because I know you understand the melancholy of my life as well. That as difficult as this is, I'm grateful for my life and grateful that I have places to turn to for comfort.

Having said that...I'll see you soon ☺

Frozen Pond No. 25 by Lipstick Graphics via Etsy

Comments

  1. Take the time you need Janet and know I will be here when you decide to write...

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  2. Hugs lady. I just think you have to do what you need to do. That is how I always try to blog. Whatever gets you through.

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  3. Sending you lots of TX-sized hugs. xoxo

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  4. You are such a gifted writer. I always enjoy your posts, whether they're silly or raw-open-wound. And sometimes it's just plain interesting living in/with the dichotomy of life being hard and yet exquisitely wonderful. Thankful for you, friend.

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  5. Thank you for the much-needed reminder that sadness and laughter CAN coexist. I'll look forward to reading more ... whatever and whenever you feel like sharing.

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  6. Great post! & have you always had bangs?? Your hair looks terrific.

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  7. This is perfect and true: 'things are both hard and exquisitely wonderful right now'. I am hoping for much more comfort, love and hope for you in the near future, and will be here to keep reading whatever you feel like sharing.

    And I second ricecakes...You look gorgeous in your new profile picture!

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  8. I wonder if you could write your posts and decide whether to post them later? At least then you would have an outlet but you don't have to share immediately. I think that is why I try to keep my blog anonymous...so I can just post things that I may not be ready to share in real life yet.

    Anyhow, I've been thinking about you and hope that you can have some hope while whatever is going on is going on. Please share when you are ready.

    Also, I agree with everyone else...your new picture is gorgeous!

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  9. i love all that you share...never, ever shallow...always real and honest and open and YOU.
    <3<3<3

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  10. Hi Janet, thank you for your comment over on my blog. :) I think I understand what you are writing about. I find it's difficult to maintain a distinction between the whole of the real "me" online and maintaining some form of privacy. Just remember this is your space and you should feel no qualms about posting more or less - just do what is comfortable. :) All the best.

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