A story


Once upon a time in a land far, far away there was "composure & "inner child" - This is their story. 
I’m an adult. I drive a car, I have a job, I pay my bills and I even vote. I make responsible decisions and for the most part live a pretty normal life. While I consider myself a “kid at heart” and I love to joke, laugh and completely take things more light-heartedly than most I still always manage to do the right thing, act mature when I need to and know where to draw the line in almost all circumstances.  I also know when I really should act appropriately and be on my best behavior. Just because I Know when I should be on my best behavior however, does not necessarily mean that I will be on my best behavior.
Which brings me to the way I am feeling right now…
It's been almost a month since my cancelled IVF cycle. One month and still no Aunt Flo. One week since my blood work and assure from my doctor that my period is imminent. Imminent you say...ya right!
I am so far beyond every bit of overwhelmed feeling there could possibly be inside one human being of stress, anxiety, anger, more stress and frustration that I want to throw myself onto the floor and have a conniption fit. I want to kick and scream and cry like a toddler and not give a damn about who sees or who cares what I look like. I feel that I should be able to do that right now if I want.
Because sometimes… sometimes life just warrants you – normally a completely rational and perfectly sane adult – to want to act like a child. What is so freaking wrong with that? I realize that I’ve grown past all that but occasionally I feel the need to peel off this mask, rip off my clothes and lose all control of every tiny bit of composure I’m suppose to have left. Why don't I, you ask?
Because I’m an adult. I drive a car, I have a job, I pay my bills, I vote, I donate money to good causes and I always, ALWAYS make responsible decisions. I almost always do the right thing. BUT...for just once, this one day, if I want to have a crying fit on the kitchen floor...I will damn it!

Today my composure and my inner child had a disagreement - the winner has yet to be declared!


Comments

  1. Sorry you are going through this. I have had many fits and it does help.

    ReplyDelete

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