Chop, Chop

I have an admission to make or perhaps I mean a confession...

I'm eat very quickly and this often ends in causing me some form of embarrassment. I believe I can trace my "quick" eating habits to my childhood. You see...I grew up with three brothers (no, it doesn't matter that one is 19 years younger than I am). If I wanted seconds I had to eat faster than my brothers. If they finished first, they had seconds and I was out of luck but if I ate faster than the boys...I enjoyed seconds and the boys were out of luck.

After some thinking on how to slow my eating, I have come up with the solution for all the fast eaters out there. It isn't complicated. It's a fairly simple solution, actually.

Chopsticks. Yes , you heard me. Chopsticks.

I do not give a flying fat rat how good you think you are with chopsticks - you aren't good enough. Unless you grew up in a cool country where they actually use them - where forks and spoons are not the norm - where the culture is older than two measly centuries - you are not a chopstick guru.

So I say - give all the fast eaters chopsticks.

If we had to struggle with our food at every meal, we would eat slower.

And imagine all the people (all the people who really understand chopsticks) who could sit back and watch us all struggle.

Imagine it for a second.

Imagine that for everything you ate (including chicken alfredo, and hot dogs, jello, and cake, Timbits, and 2 for 4 Mama Burgers) you had to sit down at a table and try to get two long pointy sticks to guide that food into your mouth. And you couldn't use your hands, either, no matter how tempting. You'd be ostracized from the community if you ate with your hands, or your face. It's either sticks or starve.

It's quite an image, eh?

Simply put: I think the world would be downright better off if forks and spoons were outlawed.

I just might try it. You should try it too - you should try it for a week and see how long it takes you to finish a meal. Go ahead. I dare you.

Wooden Chopsticks by Gifts Go Green via Etsy


  1. I love chopsticks! Try eating "non sticky" aka "slippery" rice with them! it will take you 4 hours!!:Truth I tried it last week!

  2. Kitt says I inhale my food like an alsation, so maybe I need to heed your wise advice.

  3. I think we'd actually eat less with chopsticks too because eating slowly allows you time to start digesting your food which will have you feeling full.. So eating less.

  4. Haha! Everyone would definitely get a good laugh out of seeing me use chopsticks! In fact, it has already happened. And my friend recorded it on her iPhone. And posted it online somewhere. But it's ok, I was laughing at me too. ; )


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