Suspended Animation

Suspended animation is the state of disbelief I sometimes find myself in. It is marked by a kaleidoscope of emotions, with varying amounts of abject terror, profound sadness and smatterings of hope so strong it takes my breath away.


This morning, once again, there was sunshine streaming through my bedroom window, sending smiles from the universe for another beautiful day. I woke up and realized that inside my heart, no sun is shining at the moment...just silence and darkness. That same energy that has been my silent partner since my miscarriage. A sad quiet heart and a very tired body looking at the sunshine coming through the window feeling so disconnected and far away from that vivid energy. Trying to muster the energy and strength to face another day.


I get up...here comes that sharp pain in my heart, I put my head in my hands and get the hard realization, yes, I did get pregnant and then I miscarried. That harsh understanding hits me...that what I had hoped to be the last ART cycle in my life, was just another one, another one of many. 


But...

This morning – I also remember again the lessons and gifts that each cycle gives each and everyone of the amazing women that are willing to go through it. It's what makes me that strong woman that will not give up. It makes me that woman that learns how hard it feels to fall, but how empowering it feels to show up again and not give up, it teaches me to be dedicated, to stay focused and not get distracted by the nonsense along the way.

There are good days and there are bad days. 

Daring Adventure Print by Love Wish via Etsy